Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
I feel so anxious and stressed.
I often wonder how my body does just not shut down because it is in a constant state of stress and worry.
I dream about my hubby every night now which is stopping me from sleeping as when i wake up, there is that first few moments when i forget he is not here then reality sets in.
I dream about our old houses and cars,its driving me nuts.! Why oh why.
I keep regressing to old memories of childhood.I feel so stuck in this tunnel with no light at the end.
I thought i was going to get the recommendations of the social services at the end of the month but i have read that it could be as early as next week.I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the date at the end of the month.!
I think there is alot more to suicide that i ever thought.The series of mindset preparations ie choosing a reliable method and acceptance to our death.
Its scary to think that its near and one day i will b here and the next gone no matter how much i want it.
Maybe all these random thoughts are all part of the process and a natural progresson towards death.
Maybe when someone is truely ready and at peace with their decision? the SI will not be so hard to overcome (i hope)
I could see myself in my purple coffin tonight - i know its wrong on many levels but also feels right.
I picked up a push bike today - i struggled to get it in my car and now i cant get the bloody thing out! My good friend is not returning my calls or texts and i am worried.
The sun will soon be up and yet other day will have started and i have not even been to sleep.
My head is so pre occupied i just cant think clearly and concentrate on 1 thing.
I just dont know anymore!
Xx
I often wonder how my body does just not shut down because it is in a constant state of stress and worry.
I dream about my hubby every night now which is stopping me from sleeping as when i wake up, there is that first few moments when i forget he is not here then reality sets in.
I dream about our old houses and cars,its driving me nuts.! Why oh why.
I keep regressing to old memories of childhood.I feel so stuck in this tunnel with no light at the end.
I thought i was going to get the recommendations of the social services at the end of the month but i have read that it could be as early as next week.I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the date at the end of the month.!
I think there is alot more to suicide that i ever thought.The series of mindset preparations ie choosing a reliable method and acceptance to our death.
Its scary to think that its near and one day i will b here and the next gone no matter how much i want it.
Maybe all these random thoughts are all part of the process and a natural progresson towards death.
Maybe when someone is truely ready and at peace with their decision? the SI will not be so hard to overcome (i hope)
I could see myself in my purple coffin tonight - i know its wrong on many levels but also feels right.
I picked up a push bike today - i struggled to get it in my car and now i cant get the bloody thing out! My good friend is not returning my calls or texts and i am worried.
The sun will soon be up and yet other day will have started and i have not even been to sleep.
My head is so pre occupied i just cant think clearly and concentrate on 1 thing.
I just dont know anymore!
Xx
