So socially awkward

[maybeimalreadydead]

I'm so social awkward. I have So much social anxiety. I can't make friends. I make awkward foot in mouth comments and overthink every word that ever comes out normal. I self isolate without realizing it. I avoid events and can't keep a job because the thought of talking to people is so overwhelming. I finally began to get out of my shell and have found some people take my kindness as I'm too good and quietness for I'm too snobby, you can't win. I have reached out hard, extended my hands to friends in need, I have invited them to fun trips and events. I am always last to be talked to, invited anywhere in return. I am so lonely and so in need of a friend. It hurts. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try so hard. Instead I end up doing the same thing every night smoke weed until I pass out. Can barely remember anything because my suicide attempt fucked my memory and the weed honestly doesn't help but Its the only thing that I Really like anymore. Just don't see the point of living. I obviously don't fit in in this world. I mean, I have tried.

 

[_Minsk]

exactly my life in a nutshell

 

[snowman626]

Yeah im like that too, except i dont need friends, but i really want a girlfriend and to get a girlfriend you need friends because no girl will date a loner with no social life.

I dont even want friends, ppl are so annoying. I just want a girlfriend but im not gonna go through all that making friends crap and drama of social life just to get a girlfriend. Im destined to stay alone

Even if i did want to make friends i dont think i could anymore. I grew up a loner and lack the skills to socialize normally around ppl. I dont share the same interests as normal ppl. While they talk about the game and fucking crap like that i wanna talk about the afterlife and out of body experiences, i mean i was destined to be different and alone. Why even fight it

 

[Élégie]

Same here... I'm introverted and weird... I don't fit in anywhere.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I had severe social anxiety all my life, introverted, probably on the spectrum. Never had friends since childhood.
Just one of my issues.
It started to get better since I transitioned, probably gender dysphoria was a huge contribution to my social anxiety on top of the bulling.
But now it's worse than ever because of botched surgery :(
I barely can go out

 

[NoThanks2000]

Same.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

The world can be cruel and unforgiving to the asocial.

I've tried really hard to be more outgoing and meet new people, but I still feel as lonely as I ever did. Even close friends rarely see past the thin veneer of sociability I put on. I so desperately long for a real connection to another human being.

FWIW the biggest thing that helped me was going to a board games meetup thingy. It took years but eventually I knew most people there.

 

[Guizin239]

I know how that is

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

You are not alone I have been socially awkward my entire life to.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Im sorry you have had to deal with this my friend, I can totally relate. Anxiety is crushing...

 

[EndItQuickly]

You sound exactly like me besides the wanting friends part, sorry you have to go through this pain.

Yeah im like that too, except i dont need friends, but i really want a girlfriend and to get a girlfriend you need friends because no girl will date a loner with no social life.

I dont even want friends, ppl are so annoying. I just want a girlfriend but im not gonna go through all that making friends crap and drama of social life just to get a girlfriend. Im destined to stay alone

Even if i did want to make friends i dont think i could anymore. I grew up a loner and lack the skills to socialize normally around ppl. I dont share the same interests as normal ppl. While they talk about the game and fucking crap like that i wanna talk about the afterlife and out of body experiences, i mean i was destined to be different and alone. Why even fight it

Dude, I totally feel you about the mundane things that people talk about, small talk makes me clam up, but any kind of philosophical topic and I feel like a normal person with opinions and interesting thoughts to share lol.

Also, you don't necessarily need friends to get a girlfriend. I found my wonderful wife as a complete loner, there's hope for you.

 

[Moonicide]

Aw, love... I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I'm socially awkward as well and deal with severe anxiety / agoraphobia. I was just never able to connect with people besides on the internet. No one deserves to be or feel alone... We are your friends whenever you need to vent and chat with us. We're here for you.

Sending you lots of love and support.

 

[Oppenheimer]

I am extremelly socially awkward , don´t have a friend or try to make one, the only people I interact with are people from work or familly. I get by however because not bragging or anything but my IQ is high as f#$@. So I act as I know I´m suposed to act in any given enviroment. Think something like the Dexter show. So people don´t find me THAT strange, I´m a functional sick person.

But think the level of energy and anxiety that I have to go trought EVERY day to keep that mask. The cracks are getting bigger and bigger.

 

[Will_to_Hang]

I am extremelly socially awkward , don´t have a friend or try to make one, the only people I interact with are people from work or familly. I get by however because not bragging or anything but my IQ is high as f#$@. So I act as I know I´m suposed to act in any given enviroment. Think something like the Dexter show. So people don´t find me THAT strange, I´m a functional sick person.

But think the level of energy and anxiety that I have to go trought EVERY day to keep that mask. The cracks are getting bigger and bigger.

I'm the exact same. I'm not sure if you've done an IQ test or if you define it as having an innate ability to understand the inner working of interpersonal relationships. If that is the case i'm quite similar. I know more about people than they know about themselves after a mere 5min conversation. It's not about bragging although it does come with some arrogance. You love it but you hate it. You pride yourself over it but you occasionaly envy does who are 'common'. It sucks the energy out of you. I spend (almost) all of my time closed in my flat and only interact when it is truly necessary. However, people think i'm completely normal. i've not only thought myself how to act but how to dress, what to share, others intelectual limits, emotional limits, the huge meaning behing a simple body movement, the reason why they use their eyes in x manner etc. Life becomes incredibly boring, unpleasant and questionable.

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm so social awkward. I have So much social anxiety. I can't make friends. I make awkward foot in mouth comments and overthink every word that ever comes out normal. I self isolate without realizing it. I avoid events and can't keep a job because the thought of talking to people is so overwhelming. I finally began to get out of my shell and have found some people take my kindness as I'm too good and quietness for I'm too snobby, you can't win. I have reached out hard, extended my hands to friends in need, I have invited them to fun trips and events. I am always last to be talked to, invited anywhere in return. I am so lonely and so in need of a friend. It hurts. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try so hard. Instead I end up doing the same thing every night smoke weed until I pass out. Can barely remember anything because my suicide attempt fucked my memory and the weed honestly doesn't help but Its the only thing that I Really like anymore. Just don't see the point of living. I obviously don't fit in in this world. I mean, I have tried.

I've had the same problem that you have for most of my life. And you're right that people interpret you being quiet as being snobby, which I've never understood. I just don't have anything to say usually, and even when I do have something to say, no one seems to listen to me anyway, so what's the point?!
When you don't talk, they complain that you're not talking, but when you do talk nobody listens to you anyway!
Being sensitive and kind in this world is a sucker's game because people just take advantage of you.
You seem like a nice person though. I would certainly hang out with you. They are the ones with the problem, not you.
I did that for years, trying to fit in and be sociable despite having severe social anxiety and so forth. I finally just quit bothering because I decided the people weren't worth it. I'm much happier by myself anyway.
My sister-in-law keeps dragging me out to big family gatherings and parties and crap that I have no interest in at all. Tomorrow I agreed to attend a family dinner at a restaurant. I only agreed to attend:
1) to get her off my back and so that I would've done something with her, so I can spend my Christmas and New Year by myself like I want to, and
2) I've heard really good things about the restaurant and I'd like to try the food.
It's going to be a nightmare though getting through it. I'll just be glad when it's over and I have the rest of the month to myself.
Though I know my sister-in-law is going to come around and try to get me to go out and do more things with her, more "Christmasy" things I have no interest in.
It's annoying because people don't really want you around when you're there, but when you're not there they keep trying to drag you out of the house. I just don't get it?! What part of "leave me the hell alone" don't you get, you know?!

 

[Kaczka86]

Know you're not the only one! I wish for better people around you <3

 

[snowman626]

My sister-in-law keeps dragging me out to big family gatherings and parties and crap that I have no interest in at all. Tomorrow I agreed to attend a family dinner at a restaurant. I only agreed to attend:
1) to get her off my back and so that I would've done something with her, so I can spend my Christmas and New Year by myself like I want to, and
2) I've heard really good things about the restaurant and I'd like to try the food.
It's going to be a nightmare though getting through it. I'll just be glad when it's over and I have the rest of the month to myself.
Though I know my sister-in-law is going to come around and try to get me to go out and do more things with her, more "Christmasy" things I have no interest in.
It's annoying because people don't really want you around when you're there, but when you're not there they keep trying to drag you out of the house. I just don't get it?! What part of "leave me the hell alone" don't you get, you know?!

that happens to me with my cousins. my brother is close with the cousins and constantly trying to get me to these big family gatherings. nobody understands that i cannot socialize normally. i see them like once every few years now and its getting more and more awkward. now everytime i do see them im the big elephant in the room. everybody laugh and joke and interact normally while i sit there like a retard with a blank face, then everyone turn to me and go "whats wrong? why arent you having fun?" which make me feel even shittier

going to a good restaurant with good food isn't going to do much for me as i cannot enjoy the food under such stressful circumstances. the only way i can enjoy a good meal is if im alone without someone constantly talking to me and expecting me to answer questions with my mouth full of food.

im sick and tired of having to say no to these events. its really annoying when you constantly say no yet they still keep asking. when will they take a fucking hint? if we said no the first 20 times why would we suddenly want to the 21st time?

 

[BlueWidow]

that happens to me with my cousins. my brother is close with the cousins and constantly trying to get me to these big family gatherings. nobody understands that i cannot socialize normally. i see them like once every few years now and its getting more and more awkward. now everytime i do see them im the big elephant in the room. everybody laugh and joke and interact normally while i sit there like a retard with a blank face, then everyone turn to me and go "whats wrong? why arent you having fun?" which make me feel even shittier

going to a good restaurant with good food isn't going to do much for me as i cannot enjoy the food under such stressful circumstances. the only way i can enjoy a good meal is if im alone without someone constantly talking to me and expecting me to answer questions with my mouth full of food.

im sick and tired of having to say no to these events. its really annoying when you constantly say no yet they still keep asking. when will they take a fucking hint? if we said no the first 20 times why would we suddenly want to the 21st time?

I understand what you mean about not being able to enjoy the food. When I have to go out to eat with a bunch of people, I usually pretend like I'm eating and eat a little bit, but then I pretend like I'm full and I take most of it home so that I can enjoy eating it alone.

And I agree with you about constantly having to turn down invitations to go places and people not taking the hint. Also, when they are the ones who dragged you out of the house where you were happy sitting by yourself, and then when you don't look like you're having a good time, they start complaining about that too. I have the same experiences.
I keep doing things with people hoping that it will be enough and they'll leave me alone, but it usually backfires on me and they think if they can drag me out against my will to one event, then they can drag me out for more events. I know someday I'm going to snap and tell people what I really think and then I'll probably never get invited anywhere ever again.

 

[snowman626]

I keep doing things with people hoping that it will be enough and they'll leave me alone, but it usually backfires on me and they think if they can drag me out against my will to one event, then they can drag me out for more events.

its because they think they're "saving" you from your misery of being alone in your room. every time you say "yes" to go out in their mind its like the stubborn child who finally drinks the bitter medicine that'll make everything alright. then when you're not having a good time instead of admitting that dragging you out isn't the answer to your misery they double down and think dragging you out more is the way to go.

and then when you don't look like you're having a good time, they start complaining about that too.

during those gatherings does everyone always gather around for a picture at some point? this happens with my family in every gathering. then everybody gathers around all smiling and happy and im expected to go from frowning to smiling like a clown just for the stupid camera. and then some asshole cameraman deliberately takes forever to take the shot so i have to hold the fake smile longer.

sometimes after faking a smile for a photo i look at my brother and he looks back at me and he's like "good job..." as if all he cares is that i make an effort to pretend to have a good time, whether i actually am or not doesnt matter.

 

[BlueWidow]

its because they think they're "saving" you from your misery of being alone in your room. every time you say "yes" to go out in their mind its like the stubborn child who finally drinks the bitter medicine that'll make everything alright. then when you're not having a good time instead of admitting that dragging you out isn't the answer to your misery they double down and think dragging you out more is the way to go.



during those gatherings does everyone always gather around for a picture at some point? this happens with my family in every gathering. then everybody gathers around all smiling and happy and im expected to go from frowning to smiling like a clown just for the stupid camera. and then some asshole cameraman deliberately takes forever to take the shot so i have to hold the fake smile longer.

sometimes after faking a smile for a photo i look at my brother and he looks back at me and he's like "good job..." as if all he cares is that i make an effort to pretend to have a good time, whether i actually am or not doesnt matter.

Yeah, i've had to participate in those fake photographs before.

 

[Azzy69]

You just perfectly described me. I haven't been invited to a party or any sort of social gathering since I was 11. Intense feelings of isolation, worthlessness, emptiness, rejection. Here for you bud

 

[Oppenheimer]

I'm the exact same. I'm not sure if you've done an IQ test or if you define it as having an innate ability to understand the inner working of interpersonal relationships. If that is the case i'm quite similar. I know more about people than they know about themselves after a mere 5min conversation. It's not about bragging although it does come with some arrogance. You love it but you hate it. You pride yourself over it but you occasionaly envy does who are 'common'. It sucks the energy out of you. I spend (almost) all of my time closed in my flat and only interact when it is truly necessary. However, people think i'm completely normal. i've not only thought myself how to act but how to dress, what to share, others intelectual limits, emotional limits, the huge meaning behing a simple body movement, the reason why they use their eyes in x manner etc. Life becomes incredibly boring, unpleasant and questionable.

I did an IQ test when I was 16 BECAUSE OF MY TERRIBLE SOCIAL SKILLS at school by sugestion of the psychologist. Don´t remember what classification scale was used but the result was 120, that´s ususally High average or superior in most scales. So when they saw that i was not forrest gump but had trouble socializing I had to go to sessions with the psychologist to improve my social skills. The hole thing was so troublesome and embarassing to me that I started about that time to develop the exterior appeareance of a normal social human being. Although I live with my father and my cat, have no girlfriend (don´t think I´ll ever marry either), no friends at all, spend my time with movies, books or games, I am "liked" by my work buddies who think I live a very normal life out of the job. They find frustating the fact that i never go to a job party as I avoid it as I can, but mostly they just view me as shy but sociable.

I can´t say I have an "ability to understand the inner working of interpersonal relationships" as high as you do, I mostly find easy to emulate the expected behavior of any given scenario after some time. But it´s stressfull as hell.