So much gets me down

[prototypian]

I know I've posted about this before. All day I see things that get me down and make me wish I didn't exist. I have so many things to do and I know none of them matter. They're all just required by some bureaucracy to dot am I or cross a T. That's the biggest reason my brain goes to dying; to prove to everyone that I really believe none of that stuff matters and that now someone else has to do it and they don't have me to force to do whatever the meaningless task happens to be. Lately I've seen the world as just over consumerism hyper advertised beg everyone for money sort of crap.

And I see that nothing I do ever matters. It's not about whether you're rich or not. What matters in the maga tough person world is whether or not you're willing to take advantage of others. If you're not, you're weak and deserve whatever you get. It feels like trying is fighting a losing battle

 

[Leidensgenosse]

Massively relate to this. It's all pointless busywork that you're expected to comply with and not complain about. You have to be complicit in your own exploitation, and the people exploiting you don't even think of you as a person.

 

[prototypian]

The tough thing about this as a realization is that therapy doesn't give you the tools to fix it. Just the tools to somehow accept the futility and see it as a joyous happy thjng. Yes everything sucks but if you just put on this therapy pair of rose tinted glasses and reframe it all then you will feel better. That's all we have and all you can do. If you can't feel better about whatever is wrong then you won't get better. The crap won't go away, people won't stop needing you to do things you abhor, you won't ever be in a place where there is happiness and your only purpose will still be as a form of revenue.