So much for happy endings

[broken_songbird]

My boyfriend is trying to get me to dump him so he doesn't have to do the dirty work. Big man got a big job in the city and needs to shed some baggage. I had a CTB date set before he stumbled into my life, and I decided to put my plans on hold. He doesn't know that. We were both sick. He took me in. We took care of each other. And this new person I live with is a different guy all together. I feel tricked. Betrayed. Hopeless. The point overall is that if somebody can flip a switch like that after 8 months of living together, I don't really see the point in trying again. If after everything we've been through, he's the wrong dude? I choose to be done with relationships. I just attract the wrong dudes and it's not worth this. I cause enough of my own emotional agony, I don't need someone else around adding to it.

But the point is, I already know how I'll CTB and I have my ticket. I have to sell my car to fulfill an important promise I made. Then I think I'll take the money I have left over from the promise and check into a fancy hotel at a casino. One with a big bath tub and fluffy towels with strong central air so I can shove one of those towels under the door while I take bong hits in the tub. I've always wanted to play roulette, so I'll blow my cash on booze and gambling for a night. See a show. Last year I gave myself a great birthday because I knew I'd be alone. So it seems fitting to give myself a good last few days.

At first I thought I would CTB at the hotel, but I'm going with my original plan of doing it in the wilderness. Nobody deserves to find another person like that.

I thought having a family who cares about me and having a safe place to live would help me get a boost toward improving my life. Instead it just gave me more to lose. Without warning.

 

[MrDarkness]

I learned to ever believe in happy endings or that their is hope, if you constantly believe that good will happen and have hope, when it doesn't happen you feel crushed, if you stay neutral, you won't be upside wether it's good or bad.

I hope your able to find the right person

 

[waverinthought]

I'm sorry about your situation. The worst thing about living for others is when its unreciprocated. A man like him isn't worth hurting yourself for <3 I wish you all the best during this time

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that overall other people cannot be trusted and relied on, to me it's awful how in this world people just very often create even more suffering and make existing worse. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.