Venting So mad at myself for not ctbing yet

[DyingToDie123]

I have everything I need to ctb, I literally just need to relax for 30 seconds and do it, but SI gets in the way, I think exacerbated by the upcoming holiday and the feeling of guilt about my parents expecting me to be home and what not. It's a stupid reason but it's enough to get in the way.

I cried the whole 7 hour drive home to my parents' place yesterday because I kept thinking I should have done it by now, I shouldn't have made it this far, I'm such a wimp for surviving this long. I don't even want to do the whole holiday thing, that's not why I'm here. I don't know why I'm still here, frankly, other than that I'm too afraid to kill myself, and I hate it.

 

[Neogoloid]

Oh you have no idea man, I kick myself everyday for not offing myself years ago. What's your method?

 

[DyingToDie123]

Oh you have no idea man, I kick myself everyday for not offing myself years ago. What's your method?

Sorry you're going through it too :( inert gas

 

[ThisUnrest]

Im sorry youre feeling so bad. It's very common to feel scared and delay doing it. SI is just built into us unfortunately.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish that it's not so difficult to cease existing on our own terms and I understand that it's dreadful feeling so trapped in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[thewalkingdread]

I have everything I need to ctb, I literally just need to relax for 30 seconds and do it, but SI gets in the way, I think exacerbated by the upcoming holiday and the feeling of guilt about my parents expecting me to be home and what not. It's a stupid reason but it's enough to get in the way.

I cried the whole 7 hour drive home to my parents' place yesterday because I kept thinking I should have done it by now, I shouldn't have made it this far, I'm such a wimp for surviving this long. I don't even want to do the whole holiday thing, that's not why I'm here. I don't know why I'm still here, frankly, other than that I'm too afraid to kill myself, and I hate it.

I don't know what to say... It really is all so sad and hard.

 

[tarumipemi]

BASHAR + MEDITATION WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP