Discussion So I've unofficially committed suicide. Now what?

[StarryEyed]

So I've unofficially committed suicide by doing the following ....

I've set up care directives that are now in force with my medical team of:
*No CPR
*No tests - not even blood work
*No treatment - other than what I ask for (which is only to prevent further suffering)

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I cannot express my wishes and if I am suffering from an incurable disease. I have asked for absolutely no tests and no treatment other than water and pain killers.

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I am suffering from an illness to the point of dependence and cannot express myself. They are to kill me through euthanasia.

I have also confirmed with my family doctor that if and when I qualify for euthanasia with a sound frame of mind, she will sign the papers to approve.

I have told close family members and friends.

Based on these measures and my health, I am likely to last a maximum of three years.

So now what? As you can imagine, to bring me to this point, I'm so fucking done. I'm seething at the teeth. Heartbroken. Destroyed. My emotional and mental and physical pains are unbearable. I fucking hate my life and this world. They can't take me soon enough. So how do I survive in this world when I've already checked out? No one IRL around me can relate to where I'm at. Hopefully someone here can advise me. Mind you, I wouldn't wish understanding on anybody, of course.

Thanks in advance for any insights and guidance.

 

[Shiitake]

I'd go to beaches alot

 

[StarryEyed]

I'd go to beaches alot

Yes! I can barely walk, but I bought shoes to walk along the shore of the beach. I'm waiting for a day that I can walk a little.

Thank you.
My question means not just activities but how do I interact with people? It's another world now. I've said goodbye to everyone now.

 

[StarryEyed]

Here are my water shoes

 

[urgent]

So I've unofficially committed suicide by doing the following ....

I've set up care directives that are now in force with my medical team of:
*No CPR
*No tests - not even blood work
*No treatment - other than what I ask for (which is only to prevent further suffering)

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I cannot express my wishes and if I am suffering from an incurable disease. I have asked for absolutely no tests and no treatment other than water and pain killers.

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I am suffering from an illness to the point of dependence and cannot express myself. They are to kill me through euthanasia.

I have also confirmed with my family doctor that if and when I qualify for euthanasia with a sound frame of mind, she will sign the papers to approve.

I have told close family members and friends.

Based on these measures and my health, I am likely to last a maximum of three years.

So now what? As you can imagine, to bring me to this point, I'm so fucking done. I'm seething at the teeth. Heartbroken. Destroyed. My emotional and mental and physical pains are unbearable. I fucking hate my life and this world. They can't take me soon enough. So how do I survive in this world when I've already checked out? No one IRL around me can relate to where I'm at. Hopefully someone here can advise me. Mind you, I wouldn't wish understanding on anybody, of cou

Thanks in advance for any and guidance.

I know the pain is too much for me I wish I could have MAiD asap.

 

[CatGoMeyow]

Yes! I can barely walk, but I bought shoes to walk along the shore of the beach. I'm waiting for a day that I can walk a little.

Thank you.
My question means not just activities but how do I interact with people? It's another world now. I've said goodbye to everyone now.

prolly just enjoy the simple off the topic light low key stuff. it can be remarkably helpful to have this massive lifechanging thing over there and then here we're talking about stupid shit like what we ate today, whatever happened to X, or something. it's a break from the inevitable unsolvable thing anyways.

 

[CatLvr]

Yes! I can barely walk, but I bought shoes to walk along the shore of the beach. I'm waiting for a day that I can walk a little.

Thank you.
My question means not just activities but how do I interact with people? It's another world now. I've said goodbye to everyone now.

Interact the same way you did before you did all the legwork. I am really sorry you are hurting so much. I, too, have chronic pain issues, but unfortunately I am pretty healthy otherwise. I expect to make it another 20 years. Dammit. Anyway, just be you. You got this.

 

[Bishop]

I know the pain is too much for me I wish I could have MAiD asap.

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sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[StarryEyed]

@urgent and @CatLvr you can set up all these advance directives in most if not all countries - minus euthanasia. It's totally legal. I'm sorry you're both suffering so much.

@CatLvr and @CatGoMeyow simple and being myself is what I'm thinking too since my original post. I was hoping for a bolt of lightning to either strike me dead or give me a second wind now that this is done and the finish line is closer. But it's really weird that it's actually having the reverse effect of first a volcano of emotions and thoughts, followed by a reassessment leaning into focusing on gentle, easy activities. I mean, maybe that's good too? Darned if I know as I've never done this. And I don't know anyone who has.

 

[Hollowman]

I checked out years ago. I don't have any advice though.

 

[StarryEyed]

I checked out years ago. I don't have any advice though.

Hi Hollowman. Do you mean you wrote advance directives years ago?

 

[adamantc]

So I've unofficially committed suicide by doing the following ....

I've set up care directives that are now in force with my medical team of:
*No CPR
*No tests - not even blood work
*No treatment - other than what I ask for (which is only to prevent further suffering)

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I cannot express my wishes and if I am suffering from an incurable disease. I have asked for absolutely no tests and no treatment other than water and pain killers.

I have also set up advance directives that come into force if I am suffering from an illness to the point of dependence and cannot express myself. They are to kill me through euthanasia.

I have also confirmed with my family doctor that if and when I qualify for euthanasia with a sound frame of mind, she will sign the papers to approve.

I have told close family members and friends.

Based on these measures and my health, I am likely to last a maximum of three years.

So now what? As you can imagine, to bring me to this point, I'm so fucking done. I'm seething at the teeth. Heartbroken. Destroyed. My emotional and mental and physical pains are unbearable. I fucking hate my life and this world. They can't take me soon enough. So how do I survive in this world when I've already checked out? No one IRL around me can relate to where I'm at. Hopefully someone here can advise me. Mind you, I wouldn't wish understanding on anybody, of course.

Thanks in advance for any insights and guidance.

As a doctor, I must say that it is very important you make it easy to identify that you have signed a DNR/equivalent if you haven't already done so. Many times, paramedics will be called to assist in 'saving' someone who needs resuscitation. They'll resuscitate you, and they won't even know you have a DNR. Sometimes, just a tag on your neck or somewhere else saying 'DNR' can ensure that emergency responders know what to do. This won't work 100%, but it is better than nothing.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, and I've too, kind of given up on life, just going through the motions and maintaining facades for obvious reasons (not wanting to tip off others, while planning on CTB and getting ready and such). I believe I've more/less done the same thing as you did minus the advance directives or so because for the past decade or so, I've resigned to the fact that I may die by my own hand some way in some manner, barring some freak random event (like a major health event, accident, or so) that happens spontaneously and unexpectedly. Speaking of advance directives, how were you able to ask your doctor, GP, PCP, or medical professional about it? I have thought about it but never knew how to ask, what to say, at least in a manner that doesn't raise 'red flags' or invite further questioning or scrutiny.

On the surface I look like an average, physically healthy functional person, but mentally and intellectually I struggle and what takes others some effort, takes me a lot. Then I am also not physically fit and may have some physical ailments (one of my arms is kind of weak and unusual, sometimes I just don't have the grip and feel fatigued, but I'm still relatively young in my mid 30's), yet it is just invisible and can't be seen. Anyways, I digress and I'm just rambling a bit too much..

 

[StarryEyed]

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, and I've too, kind of given up on life, just going through the motions and maintaining facades for obvious reasons (not wanting to tip off others, while planning on CTB and getting ready and such). I believe I've more/less done the same thing as you did minus the advance directives or so because for the past decade or so, I've resigned to the fact that I may die by my own hand some way in some manner, barring some freak random event (like a major health event, accident, or so) that happens spontaneously and unexpectedly. Speaking of advance directives, how were you able to ask your doctor, GP, PCP, or medical professional about it? I have thought about it but never knew how to ask, what to say, at least in a manner that doesn't raise 'red flags' or invite further questioning or scrutiny.

On the surface I look like an average, physically healthy functional person, but mentally and intellectually I struggle and what takes others some effort, takes me a lot. Then I am also not physically fit and may have some physical ailments (one of my arms is kind of weak and unusual, sometimes I just don't have the grip and feel fatigued, but I'm still relatively young in my mid 30's), yet it is just invisible and can't be seen. Anyways, I digress and I'm just rambling a bit too much..

Hi @TAW122

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling too. At least we have this place to talk about it. Not that I would wish this on anyone. Small mercies, you know?

I just plain brought it to the attention of my GP that I've decided on this. Twice in the past I've been in a situation where if I didn't accept medical treatment I would die. And I almost didn't have treatment. So I'm aware of how I feel with opting for no treatment. And it's the best I've ever felt. One of those times was for cancer in 2014, and I was palliative for nine months. It was such a beautiful space. But I chickened out in the end because to die from the type of cancer I had would likely have been torture. Regardless, I often regret my decision. And I've gotten sicker with other illnesses since then so I'm through with suffering.

Re the red flags.... I have a very long history of psychiatric illness, including depression and suicidal thinking, so my doctor was very firm in saying what I already knew, which is that if I'm suicidal or depressed when I want euthanasia, this throws a curve ball into my choice for euthanasia. It's not impossible, but more difficult.

To be clear, it is everyone's moral and legal right globally to make advance directives, and it is everyone's moral and legal right globally to refuse medical care. The only exception is if you're deemed incapable of making those choices. However, you can make those choices for yourself when you're of sound mind so that your choices can kick in if you are ever not of sound mind.

Exactly how you set up advance directives varies depending upon what country you live in. It is illegal globally to commit suicide. In countries where they have assisted suicide, it's still illegal to go about suicide on your own terms. However, setting up advance directives is totally legal and an excellent way to reduce suffering (which is why most of us are suicidal).

To me, advance directives and minimising medical care is my way of reaching a healthy compromise between the parts of me who want to live and the parts of me who want to die. It's like a peace treaty for the parts within me, as well as with the world.