Method So I've Decided on Self-Immolation

[makeitstop___]

So I've decided on self-immolation. As a former first responder, I met three individuals who'd attempted catching the bus by firearm. In each of the three cases, two of which were to the head (one to the temple, and a second in the mouth), and the third to the chest, all of these individuals survived. I will never forget the words the last individual said to me. As I pulled up and got out, and approached him as he sat on his front stoop, he had this look of sick resignation... utter defeat in his eyes. He looked at me and said, "I couldn't even do this right". His words, nor the look in his eyes will never leave me. His pain, his desperation, the utter despair he felt was palatable. Guys, I don't want that. I need a sure thing. I need finality.

I've not really entertained other methods. I don't trust myself with the technicality of tying knots. I had a near-drowning experience as a child and my anxiety won't allow for a similar attempt. I want something relatively quick. And cheap. I am willing to sacrifice comfort for the sureness of it.

Since considering self-immolation, I've been mesmerized. I think the symbolism of it is fitting considering the current state of my life, its devolution, and the ('unfortunate' does not begin to adequately describe) events... and factors that have led me to making this decision. I am at peace with it. I have allowed myself to romanticize it even -- imagining myself swilling moonshine til I've reached a state of utter stupor, sitting with my feelings, listening to my music under a starlit sky. Welcoming the flame once I've doused myself in an accellerant, leaning into its warmth and finding comfort in it like one does with the warm hug of a loved one.

My research has only yielded so much so far... I am interested in any tips. I am carefully weighing my options as to setting. I seek something remote so as to avoid any chance for intervention. I want this final moment of my life to be an experiential one. I don't mind a road trip beforehand to get to the perfect location, but road trip means time, and time means uncertainty. I don't want anything, or anyone to get in my way and keep me from executing my plan. Like, can you just imagine getting a flat on your way to the final moment you've daydreamed about with cinematic clarity for the past months??? An upset, or deviation to the one thought that has brought you a sense of peace and comfort? Losing control over the one thing you've planned for days, because it seems like the very last one thing you have any agency or say so over in your life? So I'm interested in your input... Specifically:

- what are known ways I can speed this up / make it more lethal?
- any tips or suggestions for finding the right spot? (I want to be out in nature, but I suddenly have an altruistic fear of not wanting to start a forest fire... I just want this for myself, I don't want to hurt anyone else)
- tips to isolate this fire, and mitigate the risk of it spreading.

Thank you.

 

[Orbitc]

It's scary to imagine how painful it will be... as a child, I stuck my hand in boiling water up to my elbow and all my skin burst into blisters from burns - fortunately, all the damaged skin healed without scars - like a snake I just measured the skin)) It was terribly painful. If you are not a masochist, then it is better to choose another method. I honestly can't believe you're serious talking about this.

 

[Some place nice]

I wouldn't dig a little bit and put rocks around it. It doesn't have to be deep just enough to hold the bottom of the fire with you in it. Don't forget to clear the area and make sure there is not a lot of dead grass. If you are still a little iffy about it pour a ring of water around the rocks.

 

[tinyghost]

i used to fantasize of burning my house down with me and my abusive parents in it. i understand the appeal in theory but in real life i think it would just be too painful. id definitely be concerned about starting a larger fire, especially in a natural area. maybe you could go somewhere thats all concrete like a parking garage or parking lot. if its late at night it might be secluded enough. good luck, you either have crazy balls or youre just crazy haha

 

[roguetrader]

Super brutal way to go out for sure! I would think that if you burned yourself in a car, it would be pretty much 100%, especially if you tied your wrist to the steering wheel or something so there's no way out. I wouldn't recommend self immolation though.

 

[zel]

No doubt these attempts via firearm were done with small firearms, and improper aim/positioning. If you do a little bit of research as to proper gun placement and what types of firearms will yield a high likelihood of success, it's extremely unlikely to fail. I don't doubt that the people you came across decided to impulsively shoot themselves in desperation with whatever they had on them or around them at the time.

This is made an all the more likely hypothesis given that one shot himself in the temple (a Hollywood depiction and not effective in most cases IRL), and the other was clearly able to speak with you and thus had a patent airway.

If you're set on the symbolism and the romanticism of death by immolation, then I won't dissuade you, but I would like to avoid any information or anecdotes which suggest that CTB by firearm is ineffective from going unchallenged.

 

[hi-okbye]

it's very brutal, but i think you already know that, it will also be very very very very very painful. fire is rated as the worst ways to die, and for reason too. if you truly are set on this method, i wish you much luck, it will be very hard to go through with.
personally, i find the symbolism very beautiful too.
i agree with making the pit, in an area with no vegetation, nothing that can burn at all (other than you, and whatever you've chosen to make the fire, keep it all in the pit). the fire will take a little bit of time to completly kill you. if your fire has smoke though, which it probably will, but maybe find something that'll make it have a LOT of smoke. this is because smoke is what will make you pass out. not all smoke will, so you want something in your fire that'll produce a toxic type of smoke. it will suck though, it's not painless like carbon monoxide, it'll probably burn to breath. if you do go in though, your chances of dying are very likely, even if you get saved. even the smoke can kill you, burning the inside of your throat and lungs they'll fill up with fluid and you'll probably drown, in about two days with medical care (if they can't save you). that doesn't even count the burns all over your body which could kill you quicker, but it'll be excruciatingly painful. i recomend you read about burn victims, it's not pretty nor any fun.
if anything, i recomend you do the carbon monoxide meathod, it's somewhat similar to the fire meathod, but quite litterally 1000x less painful. it'll reqire some items but they're not that hard to get, i'll link the thread here. i really really recomend you consider this instead of just throwing it away.

Carbon monoxide megathread

Hi, this will be the megathread for the carbon monoxide method. I have some questions about the charcoal method, is it a simple method to do? Like buying charcoal and setting it or there is some steps and setup to follow The ppeh gives low rating for preparation but good rating for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

There have been cases of Buddhist Monks setting themselves on fire in the past, using self - immolation as a form of protest.
Sounds like a horrifying and extremely painful way to go, yet I should imagine death will occur quite quickly due to shock and oxygen deprivation.

 

[deathxo]

I can understand that you have a vision regarding the symbolism of the act but when you say

Welcoming the flame once I've doused myself in an accellerant, leaning into its warmth and finding comfort in it like one does with the warm hug of a loved one.

I really think you're deeply misunderstanding the gravity of doing that to yourself.
Once you catch fire, it is not as if you will just pass out, you will be very much alive, screaming from experiencing the excruciating pain & heat, your SI will probably kick in & your body WILL be running around trying to put the fire off.
I understand that you want the surity of it but my man, don't do this to yourself. You might actually survive for quite a while before your internal organs finally burn up & fail.
My dad set himself on fire, & though he made a full & miraculous recovery, it was a long fucking journey.
Just, I'm all for wanting death my man, just don't do it this way. There has to be a better way.

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

I recently tried burning as a self-harm method, and it was really, really painful. I can't even imagine how painful self-immolation would be. I definitely do get the symbolism, but practically, it's a method I'd never choose, nor will I ever suggest anyone else to choose it. You'd be in excruciating pain, and if you SOMEHOW manage to survive then... never mind; I ain't continuing this. You get the point.

In the end, I just hope you find the peace you're looking for (just not this way ).

 

[makeitstop___]

I wouldn't dig a little bit and put rocks around it. It doesn't have to be deep just enough to hold the bottom of the fire with you in it. Don't forget to clear the area and make sure there is not a lot of dead grass. If you are still a little iffy about it pour a ring of water around the rocks.

Smart thinking. Like we'd do around a campfire. I'm also going to be looking at the weather. Trying to avoid any place affected by drought recently or that is under a burn ban -- both for practical reasons, as well as not wanting to draw attention. Thanks!

It's scary to imagine how painful it will be... as a child, I stuck my hand in boiling water up to my elbow and all my skin burst into blisters from burns - fortunately, all the damaged skin healed without scars - like a snake I just measured the skin)) It was terribly painful. If you are not a masochist, then it is better to choose another method. I honestly can't believe you're serious talking about this.

Not a masochist that I know of. But full of hurt, sorrow, and just rage in its purest form. The way I figure it, it should be relatively fast. Going to get good and lost in the moment. Douse myself up. Flick. And done. It's set in motion at that point. No taking it back. 30 - 60 seconds of agony to end a lifetime of hurt and loss in the most extreme way possible -- I'll take it.

 

[lebrodude]

It's your decision however the empathic part of me hopes you'll reconsider your method at least, no one deserves that.

Whatever you do I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[makeitstop___]

i used to fantasize of burning my house down with me and my abusive parents in it. i understand the appeal in theory but in real life i think it would just be too painful. id definitely be concerned about starting a larger fire, especially in a natural area. maybe you could go somewhere thats all concrete like a parking garage or parking lot. if its late at night it might be secluded enough. good luck, you either have crazy balls or youre just crazy haha

I'm so sorry about your experiences. That you thought of that as an escape shows the damage done. People are unbelievably cruel. I used to believe in justice once. I don't anymore. Knew several people at a nearby agency though who worked a fire scene one time where skeletal remains were found in the corner of an upstairs room in a house that burned down. The person had woken up during, I guess couldn't find an exit, and sat down in a corner, knees to his chest. He didn't die from the flame, but rather smoke inhalation. To answer your question, I'm gonna go with balls. My own experiences with the firearm thing scare the tee total shit out of me. Literally three people that I have personally encountered. So I just couldn't. Don't get me wrong though, I'm gonna get good and gone first. All the warm fuzzies. Hunker down with my booze and tunes. I want to be as close to blackout as possible before I go. I'm okay with it being painful. Life is painful. I just want it to be over. On my terms. And to go out looking up at the stars.

it's very brutal, but i think you already know that, it will also be very very very very very painful. fire is rated as the worst ways to die, and for reason too. if you truly are set on this method, i wish you much luck, it will be very hard to go through with.
personally, i find the symbolism very beautiful too.
i agree with making the pit, in an area with no vegetation, nothing that can burn at all (other than you, and whatever you've chosen to make the fire, keep it all in the pit). the fire will take a little bit of time to completly kill you. if your fire has smoke though, which it probably will, but maybe find something that'll make it have a LOT of smoke. this is because smoke is what will make you pass out. not all smoke will, so you want something in your fire that'll produce a toxic type of smoke. it will suck though, it's not painless like carbon monoxide, it'll probably burn to breath. if you do go in though, your chances of dying are very likely, even if you get saved. even the smoke can kill you, burning the inside of your throat and lungs they'll fill up with fluid and you'll probably drown, in about two days with medical care (if they can't save you). that doesn't even count the burns all over your body which could kill you quicker, but it'll be excruciatingly painful. i recomend you read about burn victims, it's not pretty nor any fun.
if anything, i recomend you do the carbon monoxide meathod, it's somewhat similar to the fire meathod, but quite litterally 1000x less painful. it'll reqire some items but they're not that hard to get, i'll link the thread here. i really really recomend you consider this instead of just throwing it away.

Carbon monoxide megathread

Hi, this will be the megathread for the carbon monoxide method. I have some questions about the charcoal method, is it a simple method to do? Like buying charcoal and setting it or there is some steps and setup to follow The ppeh gives low rating for preparation but good rating for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you, @hi-okbye . I'll definitely appreciate the alternate suggestion and will give it a look. Thank you also for your appreciation of the symbolism. Your words make me feel understood. I'd definitely like to use the smoke element of it too. As I was watching a show last night, I did get an idea. I'm considering packing in my machete and a small axe now. My thoughts were to cut small limbs and branches to create a teepee like structure that I could sit inside of and set ablaze. My only concern with this is the risk of cast-off sparks and ash. I don't want to ignite anything else in the area. May take several days of scouting a place before I find the right one.

 

[thefinalcut]

I'm a little concerned over your firearms experience. Placing in the mouth with a slight angle upwards in order to take out the amygdala is ideal (or so I have read). I have overcomplicated CTB a great deal. Perhaps it is SI in my case... to get wrapped up in the details. But the success rate for firearms is pretty high, statistically speaking, and my plan is to drive down to the coast one last time, stay in a hotel for a week or so, enjoy myself as much as I can, hit up a bar on the last night, get sufficiently drunk to really engage the self hatred and blur that line of hesitation, and just empty the chamber as I described above. I absolutely will not leave behind a mess for anyone and will do my utmost to cover things with plastic. Unfortunately, I cannot do much for the person who finds me, and I hope it is a first responder. However, like you have witnessed, I am terrified of failing and ending up in some even more diminished capacity, becoming a burden on the system or someone else. This is a common theme, but in your experience, what did the one person who fired into the mouth do wrong? This is a 9mm with hollow-points.

 

[DeadHead]

I respect your decision, but with the greatest of respect I think you may be romanticising it. Its one of the most brutal ways to go. Do you think you deserve excruciating pain? Reality could be alot different to what you're anticipating. There are other guaranteed ways.

 

[makeitstop___]

@thefinalcut I hear you, my friend. To be at this point, and have worked on developing a plan, the idea of your desired solution not being one after all... not being permanent is a very scary thought. I'm there too. I'm happy to share. My own first-hand experiences as witness to the aftermath of this method are exactly why I for not even one moment have entertained this as an option. In the case of the man who put the barrel of a handgun in his mouth, I think the depth the which he inserted into his mouth may have been a factor. Effectively, he blew his face off. He could walk, talk, afterwards. After what I'm sure were extensive operations and medical care. In the years after, he'd frequent a gas station near where I lived, and I'd see him.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

The immediate pain will make you instantly regret it. Stop, drop, and roll.

I don't know about the intraoral shot, but you can't really use a temple and chest shot as reasons to doubt firearms.

 

[makeitstop___]

I respect your decision, but with the greatest of respect I think you may be romanticising it. Its one of the most brutal ways to go. Do you think you deserve excruciating pain? Reality could be alot different to what you're anticipating. There are other guaranteed ways.

Thanks, @DeadHead I'm not trying to preoccupy my thoughts with the method's perceived brutality or painfulness. Separate mater, but I have a real issue with the word 'deserve', and the way we as people use it. It's a word of judgement. A measure of goodness and badness. Because, deserve? Really? Through who's lens? With what facts? Our lives and experiences afford us all different vantage points from which to judge others worthiness of something, and I feel like it's hardly objective. Idk... but in the sense that it is used at least in the American language, and for what any reasonable or sane person's standards would be, I guess, I have most definitely 'deserved' any of the horrible things, acts of abuse, coercion or violence that have happened to me in my lifetime. More specifically in the last year to six months. But that's kind of the point. None of this was right.

 

[Dolphin55]

I know you've been put off by firearm, but please consider that when done properly it can be a sure fire method…you need a shotgun. If you're not afraid of gore, look up shotgun suicides. The entire head gets obliterated, no one can survive that. It's instant and is going to be at least more reliable than setting yourself on fire, which could go wrong in so many ways.

of course if you're up for something a bit more complicated, there's always inert gas, which is reliable and entirely peaceful when done correctly.

 

[makeitstop___]

I can understand that you have a vision regarding the symbolism of the act but when you say

I really think you're deeply misunderstanding the gravity of doing that to yourself.
Once you catch fire, it is not as if you will just pass out, you will be very much alive, screaming from experiencing the excruciating pain & heat, your SI will probably kick in & your body WILL be running around trying to put the fire off.
I understand that you want the surity of it but my man, don't do this to yourself. You might actually survive for quite a while before your internal organs finally burn up & fail.
My dad set himself on fire, & though he made a full & miraculous recovery, it was a long fucking journey.
Just, I'm all for wanting death my man, just don't do it this way. There has to be a better way.

I don't hardly drink at all anymore. Haven't smoked in a few months either. I was thinking about doing so beforehand. Just in hopes of slowing my body, and my mind down. Do you think that would help at all? I wonder how the monks sat still...

 

[ShatteredSoul]

I believe you deserve a quicker and more peaceful passing, you have obviously been through and are still going through tremendous amounts of suffering.
Even though we are strangers it still troubles me to think that you may end up surviving and going through even more hell that you don't need or deserve.
Ultimately it is your decision,although I hope you reconsider. I'd hate the thought of you living through horrendous burns/scars or the method not working quickly and you being alone in the wilderness and dying slowly.

 

[thefinalcut]

@thefinalcut I hear you, my friend. To be at this point, and have worked on developing a plan, the idea of your desired solution not being one after all... not being permanent is a very scary thought. I'm there too. I'm happy to share. My own first-hand experiences as witness to the aftermath of this method are exactly why I for not even one moment have entertained this as an option. In the case of the man who put the barrel of a handgun in his mouth, I think the depth the which he inserted into his mouth may have been a factor. Effectively, he blew his face off. He could walk, talk, afterwards. After what I'm sure were extensive operations and medical care. In the years after, he'd frequent a gas station near where I lived, and I'd see him.

Thank you. I've actually been thinking while offline about it, and if I choose to go the firearm method had decided on a shotgun. It's encouraging to see not a few posts after that someone also recommended it. I'm on a timeline for next Spring. Some small part of me still hopes my situation can turn around, but the realist in me keeps coming back to the same results. I also got to wondering about nebulizing alcohol, something like PGA. Toxicity would happen quickly, and if you can somehow lock yourself into position so the cup doesn't spill after passing out, it would seem to me you could strap on, fire it up, and just drift off into complete alcohol poisoning. I need to search here about that; surely it's been explored.

 

[luisamanequim]

So I've decided on self-immolation. As a former first responder, I met three individuals who'd attempted catching the bus by firearm. In each of the three cases, two of which were to the head (one to the temple, and a second in the mouth), and the third to the chest, all of these individuals survived. I will never forget the words the last individual said to me. As I pulled up and got out, and approached him as he sat on his front stoop, he had this look of sick resignation... utter defeat in his eyes. He looked at me and said, "I couldn't even do this right". His words, nor the look in his eyes will never leave me. His pain, his desperation, the utter despair he felt was palatable. Guys, I don't want that. I need a sure thing. I need finality.

I've not really entertained other methods. I don't trust myself with the technicality of tying knots. I had a near-drowning experience as a child and my anxiety won't allow for a similar attempt. I want something relatively quick. And cheap. I am willing to sacrifice comfort for the sureness of it.

Since considering self-immolation, I've been mesmerized. I think the symbolism of it is fitting considering the current state of my life, its devolution, and the ('unfortunate' does not begin to adequately describe) events... and factors that have led me to making this decision. I am at peace with it. I have allowed myself to romanticize it even -- imagining myself swilling moonshine til I've reached a state of utter stupor, sitting with my feelings, listening to my music under a starlit sky. Welcoming the flame once I've doused myself in an accellerant, leaning into its warmth and finding comfort in it like one does with the warm hug of a loved one.

My research has only yielded so much so far... I am interested in any tips. I am carefully weighing my options as to setting. I seek something remote so as to avoid any chance for intervention. I want this final moment of my life to be an experiential one. I don't mind a road trip beforehand to get to the perfect location, but road trip means time, and time means uncertainty. I don't want anything, or anyone to get in my way and keep me from executing my plan. Like, can you just imagine getting a flat on your way to the final moment you've daydreamed about with cinematic clarity for the past months??? An upset, or deviation to the one thought that has brought you a sense of peace and comfort? Losing control over the one thing you've planned for days, because it seems like the very last one thing you have any agency or say so over in your life? So I'm interested in your input... Specifically:

- what are known ways I can speed this up / make it more lethal?
- any tips or suggestions for finding the right spot? (I want to be out in nature, but I suddenly have an altruistic fear of not wanting to start a forest fire... I just want this for myself, I don't want to hurt anyone else)
- tips to isolate this fire, and mitigate the risk of it spreading.

Thank you.

Dying by fire is extremely painful but you can try using drugs to make you go to sleep before you feel to much but have you thought about CO2? It's very certain, easy, cheap and painless.

In regards to forest fire I can't help much but try to go to a place with few trees and very wet and with a lot of alive plants, avoid being near dead plants and stuff.

Also if you are willing to sacrifice the comfort you could try cutting your throat or your jugular or carotid it's 100% chance in the middle of nowhere.

 

[lostall_hope11]

Respect