Venting So I Broke Last Night..

[ixkitty]

I spent an entire hour screaming at myself for being weak and stupid for not just ending it right there. I had the gun, I had the SN, I had the ratchet /Cornhole sacks. Why couldn't I? Why was I so weak that I couldn't. I told myself I hated myself so much.. I screamed at my reflection. I screamed at my seat. I told myself I was weak and stupid and useless.. I have to do this. I really have to. I need this. And I just need to make that step.

How can I do that? I need help. I just need to start and it'll all be over.

 

[StateOfMind]

Maybe drink a little or allot.
Listen to your ctb music.
Maybe this will help overcome SI?

 

[flagmaster]

Maybe something inside of you is not quite ready to pull the plug yet? It's difficult for anyone else to answer your questions but we can assure you that you're never going to be weak or considered stupid for making the decision to stay. If anything, it makes you braver if you are currently suffering through a lot of pain. We don't know your circumstances and what you're going through but try and think about what stopped you - and maybe focus on that? Maybe you have some unfinished business and are not ready yet - and that's ok! All the best, my friend.

 

[ixkitty]

Maybe drink a little or allot.
Listen to your ctb music.
Maybe this will help overcome SI?

I will definitely need to have alcohol .. smoking, alcohol , all of it

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Alcohol is really not recommended for SN, and you shouldn't drink much before using a gun.
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. You are not weak because of this, it's not an easy decision to make even if you want to do it.

 

[Meditation guide]

. We don't know your circumstances and what you're going through but try and think about what stopped you - and maybe focus on that? Maybe you have some unfinished business and are not ready yet - and that's ok! All the best, my friend.

I think he or she really wants to die. I don't get the impression he or she is wavering in that decision.
It's not that easy to do. But you could be right too.

 

[ixkitty]

I really, really want to. Like I have wanted for years.. I just got really upset with myself because of my weakness. I really just had an emotional breakdown and it was a whole mess. I just felt so lost because I have all of these methods in front of me and I couldn't grab any of them.. idk what held me back -maybe it was because its a rash moment . My mind still isn't great..

 

[ixkitty]

Alcohol is really not recommended for SN, and you shouldn't drink much before using a gun.
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. You are not weak because of this, it's not an easy decision to make even if you want to do it.

I appreciate.. when it comes to ingesting I don't know if I'm gonna drink or not. Everything got really frantic real quick

 

[yetme]

I spent an entire hour screaming at myself for being weak and stupid for not just ending it right there. I had the gun, I had the SN, I had the ratchet /Cornhole sacks. Why couldn't I? Why was I so weak that I couldn't. I told myself I hated myself so much.. I screamed at my reflection. I screamed at my seat. I told myself I was weak and stupid and useless.. I have to do this. I really have to. I need this. And I just need to make that step.

How can I do that? I need help. I just need to start and it'll all be over.

man it's ok to be scared. nobody's judging you. in fact 99.9% of people are scared and that's why they are still alive.
it's the most important decision in your life. and it's. your. choice.

 

[ixkitty]

man it's ok to be scared. nobody's judging you. in fact 99.9% of people are scared and that's why they are still alive.
it's the most important decision in your life. and it's. your. choice.

I Thank you so much for that.