So close

[jessica22]

I ordered my SN nearly 3 weeks ago now and I'm still waiting, in a way I'm glad, but in another way I just want it to all be over. I think knowing it's on the way has me at ease.

I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks. To be honest I'm a regularly young woman, I've never had any mental health issues that I've seeked help for eg doctors. My family and friends would literally never see this coming.

As I know my times coming closer it does make me wonder, do we get help if we need it? Is there help out there? Does this have to be the way? In my mind there is no other way out and I'm dead set on my path. But there is a little thought in my head telling me what if? Would pills make me better? Would talking? Who knows. I'm scared to visit a doctor because then it would all be too real and people would know. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking too much into it. I'm in too much pain to carry on, as I know a lot of you are.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

If you dont feel ready you dont have to do anything. In some cases the doctor can help. You could then keep your sn as a safety net.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

What is it that's making you want to CTB?

 

[jessica22]

If you dont feel ready you dont have to do anything. In some cases the doctor can help. You could then keep your sn as a safety net.

My SN arrived yesterday. Thanks you, I do feel a lot better just knowing it's with me now.

What is it that's making you want to CTB?

A lot to be honest, a long time of pretending I'm ok (for years without seeking help) and recently within the past 6 months a lot of personal traumas. My SN arrived yesterday and I'm feeling a lot better.

 

[oversizedsweaters]

Good to hear that you feel better now that your SN arrived! I personally got help a few years ago, but the last year it got worse again and now I'm waiting to be able to go to a therapist again, just to give it a last shot. I think I will give that a try first before taking SN. It's up to you what you will do, but sometimes medicines or just talking with a professional can help a lot. You can also give that a chance first before committing suicide?
It's your choice of cource, it's just that I would find it horrible when you choose to end your life, when you maybe would've gotten better again with the right help.

 

[Meh]

I would most definitely recommend giving it a shot and, as others have said, keep the sn as form of comfort and last resort. After all, it doesn't seem you have a great deal to lose so why not?

 

[jessica22]

Good to hear that you feel better now that your SN arrived! I personally got help a few years ago, but the last year it got worse again and now I'm waiting to be able to go to a therapist again, just to give it a last shot. I think I will give that a try first before taking SN. It's up to you what you will do, but sometimes medicines or just talking with a professional can help a lot. You can also give that a chance first before committing suicide?
It's your choice of cource, it's just that I would find it horrible when you choose to end your life, when you maybe would've gotten better again with the right help.

Thank you. It has made me feel so much better knowing it's here. I guess you're right, what's the rush? I have it for when I need it now. Maybe I should look into finding some help. <3

 

[oversizedsweaters]

Thank you. It has made me feel so much better knowing it's here. I guess you're right, what's the rush? I have it for when I need it now. Maybe I should look into finding some help. <3

Good to hear that you maybe want to try to get help first :)
I found it very hard to seek help by myself and like you said, going to the doctor makes it also extra real and I think that can be a difficult and scary step to take. However, I'm delighted now that I'll get some help, because it gives me some hope that there's still a chance to get better.
The reason for telling this story is that I also wanted to say that there was one person who I trusted, and I told her almost everything and she helped me a lot with seeking help and making the step and everything. I understand that not everyone, unfortunately, is as lucky as me with someone who doesn't judge and helps in real life. So I think, if it's scary for you, it can really help to not do everything on your own. I understand that it may not be possible for you to discuss this topic with someone that's close to you.
And.. here comes finally the conclusion of my whole story ( ). So if it helps you to talk about it so you don't have to do everything on your own, you can always post about it on SS of course, and feel free to send me a PM if you might want to talk about it :)

 

[Rolliewoo]

I'm thinking from what you've said that maybe its not quite your time, obviously I don't know for sure but my gut feeling is telling me you've lots of life to live yet. What help have you sought? Have you tried any meds at all? Have you suffered trauma? Sorry for all the q's I just feel your pain do bad and know the feeling you're having so very well. Having the SN may help you just knowing it's there.

 

[D11FER]

Thank you. It has made me feel so much better knowing it's here. I guess you're right, what's the rush? I have it for when I need it now. Maybe I should look into finding some help. <3

I share you thoughts on this :) I received mine last March after a traumatic break up and knowing I had it was like a safety net. I then thought I'll take each day as it comes and see what happens! Still here but only by the skin of my teeth! Best wishes to you

 

[MyOwnWorstEnemy]

I ordered my SN nearly 3 weeks ago now and I'm still waiting, in a way I'm glad, but in another way I just want it to all be over. I think knowing it's on the way has me at ease.

I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks. To be honest I'm a regularly young woman, I've never had any mental health issues that I've seeked help for eg doctors. My family and friends would literally never see this coming.

As I know my times coming closer it does make me wonder, do we get help if we need it? Is there help out there? Does this have to be the way? In my mind there is no other way out and I'm dead set on my path. But there is a little thought in my head telling me what if? Would pills make me better? Would talking? Who knows. I'm scared to visit a doctor because then it would all be too real and people would know. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking too much into it. I'm in too much pain to carry on, as I know a lot of you are.

'I'm in too much pain to carry on, as I know a lot of you are." Yep, pretty much, I've all but run out of tears for those few that will miss me, the pain of depression is so overwhelming and the cycle of recovery, breakdown, recovery is seeming ever more futile.