So called "loved" ones. Are they your reason?

[its.all.gone]

Are the "loved" ones your reason that you want to kill yourself?

they sure are for me. I can and should get away from this situation but where can I go? where where? Are you in similar situation?

 

[HollowDrop]

I'm the opposite but I've met so many people who's families are the source of their mental disturbance. It's so wrong, family should be the one safe space for a person but human beings are so selfish. Makes me upset how people have to suffer in the hands of their own family.
I hope you find some escape from your situation. Take care.

 

[BrknEyes]

Yes 100% my date is only a week from my mothers birthday, hopefully I can stick to it.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

My "loved ones" are the only reason I haven't CTB already. Made a promise to a family member a long time ago that I'd never do it. Ironically this family member also SAed me when I was young, kept trying to come on to me when I was older, groped me a couple times, was physically mentally and emotionally abusive to me, used to burn themselves in front of me and threatened to hurt other people in my family (and our pets) in order to coerce me into complying and keep me quiet. because they knew I didn't want them to hurt themselves or other people. But I'm at the point where I'm just about ready to break the promise. I can't let a trauma bonded promise I made years ago keep me alive when I very clearly am better off dead

 

[its.all.gone]

My "loved ones" are the only reason I haven't CTB already. Made a promise to a family member a long time ago that I'd never do it. Ironically this family member also SAed me when I was young, kept trying to come on to me when I was older, groped me a couple times, was physically mentally and emotionally abusive to me, used to burn themselves in front of me and threatened to hurt other people in my family (and our pets) in order to coerce me into complying and keep me quiet. because they knew I didn't want them to hurt themselves or other people. But I'm at the point where I'm just about ready to break the promise. I can't let a trauma bonded promise I made years ago keep me alive when I very clearly am better off dead

this close. the reason both sides. to kill and not to kill self. similar for me, hurt themselves and I cannot see that and I have to accept my fate. it is very confusing and feel torture.

how does it happen I can't leave and I cannot stay. I cannot hate and I cannot love. I am just want to die, that will be the only solution for this confusion cycle

 

[tranny123]

definitely, my family is super transphobic and i just need to get away from it all. i kinda wanna try running away before i decide if i really want to ctb

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Are the "loved" ones your reason that you want to kill yourself?

they sure are for me. I can and should get away from this situation but where can I go? where where? Are you in similar situation?

Yep

 

[chocosyrup]

definitely, my family is super transphobic and i just need to get away from it all. i kinda wanna try running away before i decide if i really want to ctb

ive been in this exact position

 

[hermestrimegistus]

this close. the reason both sides. to kill and not to kill self. similar for me, hurt themselves and I cannot see that and I have to accept my fate. it is very confusing and feel torture.

how does it happen I can't leave and I cannot stay. I cannot hate and I cannot love. I am just want to die, that will be the only solution for this confusion cycle

This is another part of the problem. Religiously I do not want to come back and suffer even more. I just want to end. But if I take matters into my own hands I'm probably just going to damn myself into an even shittier life. But I'm still suffering and don't want to be alive. I just kind of hope I can die in some accident. But I'm leaning more towards CTB and just dealing with whatever potential metaphysical consequences

 

[its.all.gone]

This is another part of the problem. Religiously I do not want to come back and suffer even more. I just want to end. But if I take matters into my own hands I'm probably just going to damn myself into an even shittier life. But I'm still suffering and don't want to be alive. I just kind of hope I can die in some accident. But I'm leaning more towards CTB and just dealing with whatever potential metaphysical consequences

phew... at least I firmly believe once 6ft under that's it. no more coming back.
having a belief of after life can make CTB a tough choice to choose. wish you the best.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Kinda. Sometimes they're amazing but other times (especially when I'm low) they make me feel like even bigger of a burden to them than I already think I am. Whenever I have extra bad days they can't just leave me alone, instead I keep getting attacked for my "attitude" even though I'm not bothering anyone with anything. And sometimes I just feel like I'm constantly disappoiting them with everything in life, like I'm never good enough for them to be proud.

 

[BlackMoon]

It's because I know I'll never have loved ones in my life that I want to do it.

 

[BurningSita]

I got in trouble with some really bad people. They drugged me and recorded me saying weird things and then they showed the recordings to several people in my life, like, "look how crazy and bad she is!" And to my knowledge, nobody noticed that I wasn't okay. Everyone just hates me now and they were so happy to gang up and betray me.

I think these bad people were (are?) trying to get the people in my life to have me committed, so I have had to get myself away from the ones who seemed like they were going to go along with it. I'm not crazy, but I am extremely upset and disappointed that I have nobody in my life who knows me well enough to know who I really am and actually care that I'm in trouble.

I think, when things like this happen, people go into denial because they don't know how they would deal with the situation if it happened to them. I saw the same thing happen when I became slightly physically disabled. People get afraid for themselves and it makes them reject you hard.

There is one person I still trust, but I don't know how he feels about me, and I think he's in the same sort of trouble that I am. I had people telling me that I shouldn't love him because he's "crazy", so it fits the pattern. I don't think he is crazy.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

phew... at least I firmly believe once 6ft under that's it. no more coming back.
having a belief of after life can make CTB a tough choice to choose. wish you the best.

Yeah and I'm not like a traditional bible thumper or anything. It's complicated. Definitely makes it worse. In my atheist days it was a lot easier. Like an easily accessible exit plan. Not so much anymore

 

[Some place nice]

I can't work and I have been promoted up from punching bag to puppet in my moms eyes. She wants me to go on disability, I am not mad at that I can actually understand why. It was what she said that made me feel trapped and alone. "I wanted to help you so its can help me in the end." That stabbed me and made me realize that my situation isn't good and it never has been. I had to cut contact with my dad and my oldest sister isn't any better. The middle child isn't so bad. I don't hate her. It when from my dad being abusive to my mom so its kinda never stopped but I was a mama's girl so i didn't see it right away. But yeah they are my reason why.

 

[leavingsoon99]

It's because I know I'll never have loved ones in my life that I want to do it.

I don't have loved ones either. I've rarely met people with ACTUAL loved ones. They have a family, but from my perspective, their families were the main reason they were depressed in the first place. So, as much as I wish I did have them, I don't feel bad that I don't either.

 

[sympathyforthedevil]

The idea that your loved ones are reasons why you should stay alive is such a weird one.

So many odd consequences that follow…like:
- Does that mean people with more friends have more reasons to live? Are we just disadvantaging people who are less socially capable?
- Let's say your parents are your loved ones and you don't want to cause them distress. So you wait til the time they pass away, and then the next day it becomes totally okay to ctb?
- What if you intentionally set out to make your supposed loved ones angry at you, such that they no longer love you? Does that mean after you've done that you've got no reason to live?

Sorry in slight ranting mode with this idea that many counsellors etc say to people

 

[Arachno]

Kinda. Sometimes they're amazing but other times (especially when I'm low) they make me feel like even bigger of a burden to them than I already think I am. Whenever I have extra bad days they can't just leave me alone, instead I keep getting attacked for my "attitude" even though I'm not bothering anyone with anything. And sometimes I just feel like I'm constantly disappoiting them with everything in life, like I'm never good enough for them to be proud.

I can totally relate to this.

 

[brokeandbroken]

No one loves me. Hell likes or even cares about me. So yes and no.

 

[stillvoices]

They are partially the reason. Definitely not all. It's partially the rapes and nightmares and the being ignored. The looks, and just the effects of my mental illness. It's exasperated by my family and ignorant people. But it's my fault too for letting it all get to me. It doesn't help being empathic. I don't know how to turn it off. It's partially that I'm lonely too. I don't think we were meant to be so alone and not touched. My mom couldn't touch us cuz she was afraid she'd beat us to death. But that also meant no love either. Now I can't trust anyone and their intentions. It's always been just sexual and bad intentions. But I still want to at least be hugged by someone more than a friend or family. Not that my family does any of that. I think I'm just a lost cause by now.