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OverwhelmingDarkness

OverwhelmingDarkness

Get me-owt of here 🐱
Jan 13, 2020
200
Originally this post was gonna be about how I feel like I have no control over everything, but then as I was typing I got angry.

I'm angry all the time. The world has been so unkind towards me. I have no way to release this anger and it always just builds up more and more. I get mad so easily, the smallest things can make upset

I'm gaslighted on a daily basis, I doubt myself, I doubt my emotions, I don't even know if what I feel is real. I've started to believe that everything I feel is unreasonable and I don't have a right to feel the way I do. I'm pushed down so often, and almost everyone I know has treated me like absolute shit.

I'm so so so angry. Everyone had abandoned me emotionally or physically. I just want someone to be there for me. I just want someone to always be there for me and never leave. I know that unrealistic, because no one can be there all the time, but I want that so bad. I just want someone to hold me and love me and actually give two shits about me.

My date is in 8 months, I hope to god it goes by quickly!

( Also mom, if you're reading this in the future, I'm sorry! I know you're only trying your best.)
 
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Elementalist
Nov 11, 2020
886
I'm curious why 8 months? Not saying you should do it sooner. I've just never understood putting a date so far into the future as so much can change within that time.

Anyways I wish you the best
 
OverwhelmingDarkness

OverwhelmingDarkness

Get me-owt of here 🐱
Jan 13, 2020
200
I'm curious why 8 months? Not saying you should do it sooner. I've just never understood putting a date so far into the future as so much can change within that time.

Anyways I wish you the best

Well, there are some fun stuff I wanna do that I can't do in the winter, and also it's kinda silly but I wanna see my pet geese 1st birthdays. I would already be dead, but I'm sticking around for them until then.
 
x~Sophia~x

x~Sophia~x

Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
Sep 10, 2020
1,361
Have you considered anger management, as your anger seems to be the main problem for you at the moment? You said your date is in 8 months, it would be such a shame for you to continue living with so much anger inside of you.
Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to be there for you, many do have loving partners, so why shouldn't you?
 
OverwhelmingDarkness

OverwhelmingDarkness

Get me-owt of here 🐱
Jan 13, 2020
200
Have you considered anger management, as your anger seems to be the main problem for you at the moment? You said your date is in 8 months, it would be such a shame for you to continue living with so much anger inside of you.
Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to be there for you, many do have loving partners, so why shouldn't you?

No I haven't, I could try it but it's extremely difficult for me to consistently work on things

And because I'm a really clingy person and I love people wholeheartedly, and that usually drives people away. I also really fear abandonment so I don't usually let people get too close.
 
x~Sophia~x

x~Sophia~x

Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
Sep 10, 2020
1,361
No I haven't, I could try it but it's extremely difficult for me to consistently work on things

And because I'm a really clingy person and I love people wholeheartedly, and that usually drives people away. I also really fear abandonment so I don't usually let people get too close.

Is your diagnosis BPD/EUPD by any chance?
 
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x~Sophia~x

x~Sophia~x

Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
Sep 10, 2020
1,361
I suspect I have BPD, but it isn't diagnosed

There is help out there for you. BPD doesn't have to be a death sentence.
Is there a reason why you haven't had an assessment with a psychiatrist?
 
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OverwhelmingDarkness

OverwhelmingDarkness

Get me-owt of here 🐱
Jan 13, 2020
200
There is help out there for you. BPD doesn't have to be a death sentence.
Is there a reason why you haven't had an assessment with a psychiatrist?

I know, but I've already officially decided on this decision. And mostly because I just don't like psychiatrists
 
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Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,024
I know what it's like to be constantly gaslighted all to well. I've found the best thing you can do is make note of interactions in your mind, and solidify your understanding of them. Then when the person gaslights you confidently and strongly state your memory of what happened, and when they twist it point out the illogical points and tell them you won't be gaslighted. It will empower you to stand up for your side of things and not let them twist reality. Also, know when it's time to walk away and don't give them the power of trapping you in the argument.
 

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