Venting So angry

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

Originally this post was gonna be about how I feel like I have no control over everything, but then as I was typing I got angry.

I'm angry all the time. The world has been so unkind towards me. I have no way to release this anger and it always just builds up more and more. I get mad so easily, the smallest things can make upset

I'm gaslighted on a daily basis, I doubt myself, I doubt my emotions, I don't even know if what I feel is real. I've started to believe that everything I feel is unreasonable and I don't have a right to feel the way I do. I'm pushed down so often, and almost everyone I know has treated me like absolute shit.

I'm so so so angry. Everyone had abandoned me emotionally or physically. I just want someone to be there for me. I just want someone to always be there for me and never leave. I know that unrealistic, because no one can be there all the time, but I want that so bad. I just want someone to hold me and love me and actually give two shits about me.

My date is in 8 months, I hope to god it goes by quickly!

( Also mom, if you're reading this in the future, I'm sorry! I know you're only trying your best.)

 

[justsad&done]

So sorry to see that you feel so helpless and hopeless. Life certainly can be unfair. Try to stay strong!

 

[AutoTap]

I’m curious why 8 months? Not saying you should do it sooner. I’ve just never understood putting a date so far into the future as so much can change within that time.

Anyways I wish you the best

 

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

I’m curious why 8 months? Not saying you should do it sooner. I’ve just never understood putting a date so far into the future as so much can change within that time.

Anyways I wish you the best

Well, there are some fun stuff I wanna do that I can't do in the winter, and also it's kinda silly but I wanna see my pet geese 1st birthdays. I would already be dead, but I'm sticking around for them until then.

 

[AltFoxx]

It's definitely okay to be angry when the world treats you unfairly. Hopefully the world can get its ass in gear, and be a lot more kinder. All the best, I hope your future is brighter <3

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Have you considered anger management, as your anger seems to be the main problem for you at the moment? You said your date is in 8 months, it would be such a shame for you to continue living with so much anger inside of you.
Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to be there for you, many do have loving partners, so why shouldn't you?

 

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

Have you considered anger management, as your anger seems to be the main problem for you at the moment? You said your date is in 8 months, it would be such a shame for you to continue living with so much anger inside of you.
Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to be there for you, many do have loving partners, so why shouldn't you?

No I haven't, I could try it but it's extremely difficult for me to consistently work on things

And because I'm a really clingy person and I love people wholeheartedly, and that usually drives people away. I also really fear abandonment so I don't usually let people get too close.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

No I haven't, I could try it but it's extremely difficult for me to consistently work on things

And because I'm a really clingy person and I love people wholeheartedly, and that usually drives people away. I also really fear abandonment so I don't usually let people get too close.

Is your diagnosis BPD/EUPD by any chance?

 

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

Is your diagnosis BPD/EUPD by any chance?

I suspect I have BPD, but it isn't diagnosed

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I suspect I have BPD, but it isn't diagnosed

There is help out there for you. BPD doesn't have to be a death sentence.
Is there a reason why you haven't had an assessment with a psychiatrist?

 

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

There is help out there for you. BPD doesn't have to be a death sentence.
Is there a reason why you haven't had an assessment with a psychiatrist?

I know, but I've already officially decided on this decision. And mostly because I just don't like psychiatrists

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I know, but I've already officially decided on this decision. And mostly because I just don't like psychiatrists

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I can relate, and as someone who rarely stands up for themselves I'm proud of you for being angry! Its healthy. You have the right to own your own emotions, and to want someone to be there for you.

 

[Ghost2211]

I know what it’s like to be constantly gaslighted all to well. I’ve found the best thing you can do is make note of interactions in your mind, and solidify your understanding of them. Then when the person gaslights you confidently and strongly state your memory of what happened, and when they twist it point out the illogical points and tell them you won’t be gaslighted. It will empower you to stand up for your side of things and not let them twist reality. Also, know when it’s time to walk away and don’t give them the power of trapping you in the argument.

 

[RepressedMind]

We're here for you, if you want you can dm me and we can talk