Papilio_polyxenes
Member
- Oct 4, 2022
- 52
Because I had to cancel my first order, I was relieved when my shipment from IC was slated to arrive earlier this week. I wasn't scheduled for work on Monday, and school hadn't begun.
Unfortunately, my father checked the mail first and brought the package to me. The ridge at the top was slit off - perhaps he inspected it. He warned me not to place it with the mail on the kitchen table, but he did not confiscate it or ask what it was for. I can't describe to you how it feels right now. I've spent months arguably living a double life for a chance at CTB, and I almost blew it all.
My mother passed away of pancreatic cancer in October, and I grieved privately and told only a handful of people. Since I don't have friends or therapy, I'm thankful I had this community for support during this painful time.
I've also stayed at my job even though coworkers hate me and sought to have me fired. (I simply pretend not to notice, but I've had suspicions since late August or early September.) Everything is ready now, so I can quit my job.
I plan to use Meclizine instead of Meto because the latter is inaccessible. On the day prior to my attempt, I may also donate blood to quicken the process.
I also need to purchase health insurance - if I survive, then I don't want to face crippling medical debt. Haven't yet figured out how I'l transfer the title to my car or add beneficiaries to my bank account.
These are all minor issues - acquiring SN was the hard part. If it all goes as planned, then I hope to spend my last moments here documenting my experiences.
Unfortunately, my father checked the mail first and brought the package to me. The ridge at the top was slit off - perhaps he inspected it. He warned me not to place it with the mail on the kitchen table, but he did not confiscate it or ask what it was for. I can't describe to you how it feels right now. I've spent months arguably living a double life for a chance at CTB, and I almost blew it all.
My mother passed away of pancreatic cancer in October, and I grieved privately and told only a handful of people. Since I don't have friends or therapy, I'm thankful I had this community for support during this painful time.
I've also stayed at my job even though coworkers hate me and sought to have me fired. (I simply pretend not to notice, but I've had suspicions since late August or early September.) Everything is ready now, so I can quit my job.
I plan to use Meclizine instead of Meto because the latter is inaccessible. On the day prior to my attempt, I may also donate blood to quicken the process.
I also need to purchase health insurance - if I survive, then I don't want to face crippling medical debt. Haven't yet figured out how I'l transfer the title to my car or add beneficiaries to my bank account.
These are all minor issues - acquiring SN was the hard part. If it all goes as planned, then I hope to spend my last moments here documenting my experiences.
