Help SN method have you tried it?

[Jumper Geo]

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Following my guide
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A week filled with horrible nightmares of my wife and the life we used to share. I can't stand it
Fasting

William I must admit it does seem a bit impulsive, why didn't you create your own goodbye ctb thread, I thought you were doing OK and decided to live and give life a chance if your feeling sad and down can't you sleep on it and see if you feel better.

Jesus your not a big bloke so how much SN are you thinking of drinking.I didn't see any meds or antacids in your picture so if you drink that amount you will probably puke it back up.

Sorry your suffering I hope you can find peace.

Best wishes

Geo.

 

[Erase.myself]

There's me @Vault of Memories and @Erase.myself

I am talking to him right now.

 

[William Barker]

 

[Erase.myself]

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William; please try to take some deep breaths if you can and maybe pick up a pen and write how you're feeling? I know how much you like writing and maybe it will help to get some of these feelings out. You mentioned earlier you were so sure, but now there's some ambivalence. Please try not to rush into anything.

 

[William Barker]

I made one 20g, one 10g, and one 5g. I was going to drink the 20g as the main one, and use the 5g and 10g as back ups.

Mouthwash

 

[akrasia]

William, please think this over. You didn't clarify, are you taste testing or are you really going to ctb?
Please stay with us for a couple of minutes

 

[William Barker]

And I wanted to very calming drink the SN and report back to the OP. That was the plan.

I wanted to say: "Yes, I have tried it. Just drank it. Dying now, actually. Ask away"

It sounds so silly now that I think about it.

 

[akrasia]

You should know that SN is not something you would just "try". It's a very dangerous substance, you should put the SN down. You have a lovely family and I know you care about them. Think about this for a second, please

 

[Moreofthesamepain]

And I wanted to very calming drink the SN and report back to the OP. That was the plan.

I wanted to say: "Yes, I have tried it. Just drank it. Dying now, actually. Ask away"

It sounds so silly now that I think about it.

Please don't William. How about starting the forward on that novel instead, write some chapter names, make some notes on your content? If writing helps, get to it. I'm sorry you miss your family, but don't do this unless you are 150% you're sure its the time. Hopefully, that time never comes!

 

[William Barker]

You should know that SN is not something you would just "try". It's a very dangerous substance, you should put the SN down. You have a lovely family and I know you care about them. Think about this for a second, please

Well, I wasn't planning on surviving. Just reporting on what dying feels like. Thought that'd be something useful to do, other than lying on the floor watching Supernatural or binge drinking with my creepy neighbor.

 

[akrasia]

you can't really report back to us if you're dead, right? or unless you have some kind of power.
well i'm sure watching supernatural and drink is quite a useful thing to do. you could do that and take your mind off of things

 

[Jumper Geo]

Well, I wasn't planning on surviving. Just reporting on what dying feels like. Thought that'd be something useful to do, other than lying on the floor watching Supernatural or binge drinking with my creepy neighbor.

Yeah but supernatural is great we are only on series 14 in the UK anyway you don't need to try SN we all know it tastes really salty, have a booze instead and get some sleep and think about the fame and fortune that awaits you when you finish your novel, think about all the women your meet .

Anyway I am really tired it's just gone 7am in the UK and I have to switch off so I will hopefully talk later.

I will wish you all the best I hope you don't ctb I hope you can find the peace your looking for booze and bed sounds good.

Cheers

Geo

 

[William Barker]

It's funny. Years ago, everyone whispered about me because I had lost so much weight very rapidly. They thought I had cancer or something. It never dawned on them that I drank every night until I fell asleep in a pile of my own vomit.

My brother's death didn't just mean the loss of a brother, it meant the end of the other person who knew what it felt like to be constantly knocked around and made to feel worthless and despised by your own father. Nothing was ever good enough. He was never proud. Never hugged me. Not even once.

 

[Moreofthesamepain]

It's funny. Years ago, everyone whispered about me because I had lost so much weight very rapidly. They thought I had cancer or something. It never dawned on them that I drank every night until I fell asleep in a pile of my own vomit.

My brother's death didn't just mean the loss of a brother, it meant the end of the other person who knew what it felt like to be constantly knocked around and made to feel worthless and despised by your own father. Nothing was ever good enough. He was never proud. Never hugged me. Not even once.

I'm sorry about your brother and for the way your father treated you. I was in an abusive marriage that ended with me running out the door to the sound of a 12 Guage being pumped at my back as I ran. I started drinking after that every day for almost 20 years. Get through today. You made it through that. Now get through today.

 

[William Barker]

I'm sorry about your brother and for the way your father treated you. I was in an abusive marriage that ended with me running out the door to the sound of a 12 Guage being pumped at my back as I ran. I started drinking after that every day for almost 20 years. Get through today. You made it through that. Now get through today.

You're right. I'll get through tonight. I Dumped everything out.

I'm so very sorry everyone.

I Didn't mean to break down like that.

I'm just struggling a lot right now to keep myself together.

And I guess I'm not doing a very good job anymore.

 

[Living sucks]

Your father probably wasn't loved so he didn't know how to do it himself. Many people are incapable of showing love even if they do love you. For some people It's easier to be negative and grumpy and abusive bcuz it's all they know. All you can do is break the cycle. It's what I chose to do with my kids. I was doing a fine good job until I got sick. Now it's a whole effing mess. We're all messed up. I wish I had a magic wand to fix myself and everyone else on this site.

 

[Moreofthesamepain]

You're right. I'll get through tonight. I Dumped everything out.

I'm so very sorry everyone.

I Didn't mean to break down like that.

I'm just struggling a lot right now to keep myself together.

And I guess I'm not doing a very good job anymore.

Its okay to break down. You're only human, and we do that sometimes. I'm glad you changed the script! You have more chapters to write ✍

 

[Erase.myself]

You're right. I'll get through tonight. I Dumped everything out.

I'm so very sorry everyone.

I Didn't mean to break down like that.

I'm just struggling a lot right now to keep myself together.

And I guess I'm not doing a very good job anymore.

Sending you lots of hugs. Im so glad you're going to make it through the night. I hope you get good rest, friend.

 

[Pryras]

@William Barker you can always call me when it's bad, sometimes you need someone to keep you grounded and get you back on track. I can't promise to always be there since I'm dealing with my own trauma atm but we can update one another here and there

 

[Vault of Memories]

Glad you're still with us. I'm so sorry, but the whole time I was writing on this post I was in my bed struggling to stay awake and must've damn asleep.

 

[William Barker]

Glad you're still with us. I'm so sorry, but the whole time I was writing on this post I was in my bed struggling to stay awake and must've damn asleep.

I'm going to make a thread in recovery when I get off work here around noon American time.

I'll probably need some solid advice from everyone, just to be sure I don't make any kind of mistake or anything.

 

[Notabadguy]

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Made three cups.

I suppose you drink 20 mg, and 10 mg and 5 mg are in case of vomiting. Shouldn't they be 20 mg too?

 

[William Barker]

I suppose you drink 20 mg, and 10 mg and 5 mg are in case of vomiting. Shouldn't they be 20 mg too?

Too much sodium nitrite and you just throw it all up and survive. I figured this would be a safer bet.

And I probably wouldn't need the back-up cups anyway since no one else who was successful has ever needed more than the first cup, and those who weren't either made huge mistakes or called for help.

If I can hold down just enough without vomiting, I'll die.