Some people just have lower pain tolerance, average might say it's a 4-6/10 pain, people with higher pain tolerance would have no problem with it. If you're not used to pain, any method will be painful. Just focus on your will to ctb, the pain will be over soon before you know it.
I definitely have low pain tolerance, just another aspect of having general (comparitive to most humans) oversensitivity. I did try to focus on it in the moment, I was entirely rational, but I'm still a slave to instincts - which upon re-assuring myself of, made me feel even more lucid determined to die. Even when I know it's the logical thing to do, my instincts inhibit me.
would you do it again? if so what would you change ?
I'd only do the SN method again if it was absolutely necessary, it likely will be, but it will have to be a point where I'm emotionally driven to the point where I can surmount my instincts effectively. The issue is I have to book hotels, since I live with family - and usually by the time I arrive at the hotel I'm far too comfortable, which is exactly what I don't want. What I'd need to do is ensure that I perfectly take all the ingredients at the right time, getting the interval time between each as precise as possible. The other thing I'd change is that I'd not write a note, or if I did (which I likely won't) I will write them before leaving to go to the hotel. I get too carried away with the whole delusional deriving of meaning from the situation, even when I try to distance myself with the hollywood-ised connotations of suicide I can't entirely escape the ritualistic cultural aspects of it. I just need to treat it as what it is, a rational decision to end my capacity to value and suffer. An effective escape plan must be rid of all convolution.
She's probably too scared. Anxiety people generally have stronger SI. That's why i strongly suggest taking benzos if you have anxiety or low pain tolerance.
I took paracetomol beforehand, though maybe not early enough. If I had acess to benzos I would consider them. I'm not a particularly anxious person, just very caged by instinct (which I guess is exactly what anxiety is, instinctual suffering on the being for the sole purpose of attempting to keep them alive. But my point is that I'm not anxious in a clinical sense). Thanks for the recommendation.
