sillyprincessmeow
Member
- Jul 21, 2022
- 73
So it came in the mail today, but it's crazy because my grandma ordered something as well I guess, so she probably got a picture of the box as well, so that may or may not be an issue. I hope it isn't because I don't want any questions about what it is or anything like that, I don't even really know what I would say, perchance I would just say it's a bag?
Anyway, my boyfriend thing, unfortunately, has like access to my finances and stuff, I think it's like connected to his phone in his account, like we have a joint account, so you can see what I spend my personal money on, and he was asking about the purchase and he was acting really suspicious, I know he's cheating on me again. Anyway, that's besides the point, he was like "what is all of this" and like sending me screenshots of my purchase, and my other failed purchases, and he was" like oh really you're just buying science equipment, OK I thought it was SN" so that made my heart drop, but I also had DoorDash and stuff so I just had to make him feel bad for like all of that. I was just like "well I was just really hungry and I was just trying to help out my grandma and stuff" so you know, I just didn't really want him on my tail
Is there anyway that I can look at a link that has been taken down or anything? Because what I saw, it's no longer available because it had broken the guidelines of what website it was on, so I'm wondering if there's anyway that I can recover that so I can see it, it's like literally as soon as I went and looked I guess It got taken down…
Anyway, now that I actually have it, I feel a lot happier, knowing that I have a way out like I literally feel so much better.
I think that's why so many people get happy before they kill themselves, it's crazy because I've never felt this type of security in my life, earlier I was smoking a blunt, and I actually started like dissociating or something, and they were like multiple voices in my head and it was kind of scary.
I can't really remember what was happening, but it did scare me, and I tried to like snap back into it, but I'm about to roll up again, because I literally am a weed addict.
I'm gonna try to get some Xanax as well, I just love doing pills. I'll be snorting them.
You know that's just like how things are right now I guess, is the chemical flammable? Would I be able to keep it in a storage pod? I'm trying to think of places I could hide it, I don't really have many options cause my house is undergoing renovations I've mentioned before.
Anyway, I'm really really happy that I have it and honestly, I wish I could just take it now, but I know I'm not ready. If it comes to it, I will be, but I mean, I don't want to unless I have to.
I guess that's what the scary stuff that was happening earlier was, I was dreaming about all of the things that I would do before I killed myself, but the other voice in my head just said that it was a complete fantasy, and I was even using my own dead name against myself, it was really belittling. I didn't really feel like I was talking, though, like it didn't feel like an inner monologue, it felt different.
I was telling myself about how everything I wanted was just some stupid fantasy and I never get it, and how I should just go through with it anyway because it's not like I'm ever gonna be happy.
But with this, I have at least you know five years, well at most five years
Does it ever actually expire? Let me know.
But yeah, I'll see where the wind takes me.
Anyway, my boyfriend thing, unfortunately, has like access to my finances and stuff, I think it's like connected to his phone in his account, like we have a joint account, so you can see what I spend my personal money on, and he was asking about the purchase and he was acting really suspicious, I know he's cheating on me again. Anyway, that's besides the point, he was like "what is all of this" and like sending me screenshots of my purchase, and my other failed purchases, and he was" like oh really you're just buying science equipment, OK I thought it was SN" so that made my heart drop, but I also had DoorDash and stuff so I just had to make him feel bad for like all of that. I was just like "well I was just really hungry and I was just trying to help out my grandma and stuff" so you know, I just didn't really want him on my tail
Is there anyway that I can look at a link that has been taken down or anything? Because what I saw, it's no longer available because it had broken the guidelines of what website it was on, so I'm wondering if there's anyway that I can recover that so I can see it, it's like literally as soon as I went and looked I guess It got taken down…
Anyway, now that I actually have it, I feel a lot happier, knowing that I have a way out like I literally feel so much better.
I think that's why so many people get happy before they kill themselves, it's crazy because I've never felt this type of security in my life, earlier I was smoking a blunt, and I actually started like dissociating or something, and they were like multiple voices in my head and it was kind of scary.
I can't really remember what was happening, but it did scare me, and I tried to like snap back into it, but I'm about to roll up again, because I literally am a weed addict.
I'm gonna try to get some Xanax as well, I just love doing pills. I'll be snorting them.
You know that's just like how things are right now I guess, is the chemical flammable? Would I be able to keep it in a storage pod? I'm trying to think of places I could hide it, I don't really have many options cause my house is undergoing renovations I've mentioned before.
Anyway, I'm really really happy that I have it and honestly, I wish I could just take it now, but I know I'm not ready. If it comes to it, I will be, but I mean, I don't want to unless I have to.
I guess that's what the scary stuff that was happening earlier was, I was dreaming about all of the things that I would do before I killed myself, but the other voice in my head just said that it was a complete fantasy, and I was even using my own dead name against myself, it was really belittling. I didn't really feel like I was talking, though, like it didn't feel like an inner monologue, it felt different.
I was telling myself about how everything I wanted was just some stupid fantasy and I never get it, and how I should just go through with it anyway because it's not like I'm ever gonna be happy.
But with this, I have at least you know five years, well at most five years
Does it ever actually expire? Let me know.
But yeah, I'll see where the wind takes me.
