RhapsodyinBerserk
Death in Reverse
- Apr 11, 2023
- 70
So I'm still experiencing a lot of conflict over if I really want to CTB. I think I found a source for ordering SN and am in the process of getting a PO Box to reduce suspicion. I don't think I'm desperate enough to actually resort to using SN at the moment, but I'll keep it as insurance in case things get bad enough that I really need to use it. I just can't seem to get over the thought of actually CTBing, and what I would miss if I actually passed away. I still have hope for the future, even though I've basically given up now. I'm also worried about what happens if you die? I'm not into existential nihilism, but I'm worried about simply not existing, or going somewhere far worse than if I was alive. I also worry that I've given up too easily. There are people here with way more shit than me, and I feel selfish to myself, my family, and others for just going without trying other options.
