Venting SN arrived… but it may be taken away

[purplehearted]

guys please help

I'm at work right now and i ordered my SN a few days ago and my mum unexpectedly stayed home today and i didn't expect it to arrive today at my home and it did :(

The tracking says package has been delivered but i'm hoping she doesn't open it and google what SN is and i'm so nervous bc i called her and she didn't answer which is unlike her and i'm so paranoid what if i go home and she's found out and tells my therapist and then i get put in a psych ward again fuck i'm so nervous why am i so fucking stupid

Guess i'll find out today :( next time i'll order to a post office or p.o. box to be safe

 

[jodes2]

Hey man don't worry, psych ward is not the end of the world, and it's always temporary. Besides who knows, they might help you feel better - and you can always try ordering SN again anyway this is not the end of the world

 

[purplehearted]

Hey man don't worry, psych ward is not the end of the world, and it's always temporary. Besides who knows, they might help you feel better - and you can always try ordering SN again anyway this is not the end of the world

Thanks for the reassurance Im terrified of psych wards, they're awful in my country, my friend got SA'd in one and i was harassed by so many people so i'm just so so scared i don't want anyone to find out

 

[jodes2]

Thanks for the reassurance Im terrified of psych wards, they're awful in my country, my friend got SA'd in one and i was harassed by so many people so i'm just so so scared i don't want anyone to find out

Fuck. Ok, well that sucks then. But still, it's only temporary. Tell them you weren't planning on using it, you just wanted it in reserve in case life got unbearable. They might not section you for that

 

[purplehearted]

Fuck. Ok, well that sucks then. But still, it's only temporary. Tell them you weren't planning on using it, you just wanted it in reserve in case life got unbearable. They might not section you for that

It's okay, she surprisingly didn't question it and just left it on my bed unopened. I'm a research scientist so i said it's for some research I'm doing at the lab and she was okay with that. I'm really sorry for any worry

The SN looks really weird, it's a bit clumpy, and 500g which is a lot and it's pure (99%). Honestly quite surprised that it arrived because it's restricted in Australia. I may not CTB just yet, but it's comforting to know I have the option

 

[jodes2]

It's okay, she surprisingly didn't question it and just left it on my bed unopened. I'm a research scientist so i said it's for some research I'm doing at the lab and she was okay with that. I'm really sorry for any worry

The SN looks really weird, it's a bit clumpy, and 500g which is a lot and it's pure (99%). Honestly quite surprised that it arrived because it's restricted in Australia. I may not CTB just yet, but it's comforting to know I have the option

Congrats!! Use it wisely!!!

 

[Aralia ♡]

hi I live in Australia and I'm not sure where ordering SN from is my best bet - can we private message each other? x

It's okay, she surprisingly didn't question it and just left it on my bed unopened. I'm a research scientist so i said it's for some research I'm doing at the lab and she was okay with that. I'm really sorry for any worry

The SN looks really weird, it's a bit clumpy, and 500g which is a lot and it's pure (99%). Honestly quite surprised that it arrived because it's restricted in Australia. I may not CTB just yet, but it's comforting to know I have the option

 

[Pluto]

I bought my SN off eBay back in the day; also 500g and very inexpensive (like $13 or something) for a big tub. And this was only a couple of years ago. The world is so different now - no more easy access to anything.

Now that you know you have choice, there's a newfound freedom which should change the tone of your experience. Some people even find that it gives all the more reason to have a go at recovery since there's nothing to lose.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so relieved at having your SN as it means that you have a way to exit this world for when the time is right for you. But it also must be such a relief knowing that your plans weren't found out, to me ending up in a psych ward sounds so horrific and prison like. I do hate this world we live in that has so much stigma associated with the topic of suicide and for many people it can certainly be so unnecessarily stressful planning suicide because of the potential risks and chances of others interfering involved. But I wish you the best.

 

[BipolarExpress]

Sometimes it helps to have an option even if you don't plan to use it immediately. Sometimes it gives you just enough strength to continue when you know there's a possible way out. That's how I managed for the month after I ordered SN.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I'm glad the worst did not come to pass and you are in possession of SN. I know for me, I was so excited when I first got it. Having the option there makes me feel much less distressed about attempting to recover, knowing I have an exit plan.

 

[purplehearted]

hi I live in Australia and I'm not sure where ordering SN from is my best bet - can we private message each other? x

of course, feel free to PM any questions you have x

 

[Aralia ♡]

of course, feel free to PM any questions you have x

thank you! how do I pm you? If I cannot for some reason may you please pm me? thanks :)

 

[purplehearted]

Glad you got your SN!

Could we PM please? My account might still be too new cause i can't see your profile or PM you

Thanks! yes of course, i'm a new account too though, i'll try to start a PM with you