Method SN and liver damage

[PrincessInWhite]

Sigh....every time I think I have my method sorted some fucking bullshit happens. First I didn't have an AE. Then I was worried about the cost if I potentially failed and needed to be hospitalized, but I'm now on some of the best public insurance in the country.

Now I'm worried about liver damage. I'm already a regular drinker (not binge drinking or drinking to sickness/blackout but enough that my liver enzymes are already elevated) and I'm extremely concerned about permanent liver damage if I attempt and fail. It's very important to me that my method not cause lasting damage if I fail because if we're being honest here nothing is foolproof no matter what we tell ourselves.

I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Can't do an exit bag because I don't live alone and the tank would raise serious suspicions. Can't do hanging, risk of brain damage is too high. Don't have access to any pills that would be lethal, and I am very opposed to any method involved in being in public.

I feel so fucking stuck.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

I'm stuck too for much of the same reasons. I actually have been binge drinking all the way to black outs and I wake up with evidence that I considered spontaneous methods of ctb in the morning. I did all of the research on sn that I could. I convinced myself that I wasn't worried about my liver or other organs and that the methemeglobenemia it would cause depriving my heart and brain of oxygen would just do the trick.

I wrote the letters, booked the hotel room and sat in it alone but by the time came around to start taking prep doses an hour before I just stared off into space and I never even mixed the sn in water. Don't want to do anything in public and avoid the same methods you mentioned for the same reasons.

I am stuck and I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I'm stuck too for much of the same reasons. I actually have been binge drinking all the way to black outs and I wake up with evidence that I considered spontaneous methods of ctb in the morning. I did all of the research on sn that I could. I convinced myself that I wasn't worried about my liver or other organs and that the methemeglobenemia it would cause depriving my heart and brain of oxygen would just do the trick.

I wrote the letters, booked the hotel room and sat in it alone but by the time came around to start taking prep doses an hour before I just stared off into space and I never even mixed the sn in water. Don't want to do anything in public and avoid the same methods you mentioned for the same reasons.

I am stuck and I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

I'm so sorry you're also going through this. It fucking sucks. I just want a method. I hate how society is so anti suicide but so deadset against actually offering accessible or meaningful help. It's basically "work yourself into the grave and like it, no other option." Just knowing I don't have the choice to leave if I want to is fucking miserable.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

Not being able to go through with it was a humiliating defeat. Money I didn't have for hotel and a driver. I feel more hopeless afterwards because having the plan like you said gives you the feeling you have the choice to leave if you want. I lost a friend I made on this site to sn so I was motivated that it would work for me. But feel like I'm too damn traumatized with grief and loss to pull it together to even attempt.

 

[Niirvana]

I understand them. It's the damn SI that wants to keep us in this life that we don't want. I hope I can face it and get over it since I don't want to continue in this world.

 

[deleted]

i'm an unlucky guy and the chances of something going wrong when i try to ctb are high, so if i stay alive with some damage i will have to throw myself in front of a train unfortunately

 

[Masonfight]

I've been trying to destroy my kidneys and liver with alcohol for some time. I try drinking on an empty stomach so that it hits them hard. Not fast enough but helping. I'll probably need to hang instead. However in the last few months I've noticed if I pound vodka i can get my kidneys to really hurt. I think that's a good sign.

 

[LonelyNick]

I had a severe gallblader attack back in January and been in pain since. Because of COVID my surgery is in 49 weeks. It's genetic for me, not what I eat, I barely eat right now.

It sucks, not recommended...

 

[Mr.Nobody]

I don't drink anymore but was a heavy drinker for a period of 3 months 4 years ago.Hope I won't have a problem with SN.