Discussion Slowly poisoning yourself

[ElTopo]

Is there a way to slowly poison oneself in order to reliably achieve a natural death? I smoke, drink alcohol and a ton of energy drinks, otherwise I have a healthy diet and work out but I do deprive myself of sleep. I've thought about starving myself before but I don't want to fall into the ways of my sister and mother, who are both anorexic, I don't want to ever go near mimicking those behaviours.
That said are there ways of purposefully hijacking my daily life to invite a natural death?

 

[ChildrensITV]

It seems like some of us are just doomed to exist.

 

[TBONTB]

Is there a way to slowly poison oneself in order to reliably achieve a natural death? I smoke, drink alcohol and a ton of energy drinks, otherwise I have a healthy diet and work out but I do deprive myself of sleep. I've thought about starving myself before but I don't want to fall into the ways of my sister and mother, who are both anorexic, I don't want to ever go near mimicking those behaviours.
That said are there ways of purposefully hijacking my daily life to invite a natural death?

These things all take decades to work. The body is resilient.

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

I wouldn't advise it ** personally.
Currently in liver and kidney failure (by choice) from long term acetaminophen abuse in my own attempt to "slowly poison myself" for a more natural exit...(we're probably thinking different types of 'poison' but the slow impact of killing yourself through health decline is basically the same) the toll it takes on your body and your mind to drag out the process can become overwhelming throughout the duration and may take longer than you originally anticipated or have end stage side effects you don't see coming that would/could cause you to back out having gone through it all for nothing or being made to suffer far longer than you intended or hoped, or leaving you physically damaged in ways that you can no longer finish your ctb process so you become a living walking invalid

 

[noheart]

Steroids like oral superdrol would crush your liver after several weeks. It would probably be painful?

 

[ElTopo]

I wouldn't advise it ** personally.
Currently in liver and kidney failure (by choice) from long term acetaminophen abuse in my own attempt to "slowly poison myself" for a more natural exit...(we're probably thinking different types of 'poison' but the slow impact of killing yourself through health decline is basically the same) the toll it takes on your body and your mind to drag out the process can become overwhelming throughout the duration and may take longer than you originally anticipated or have end stage side effects you don't see coming that would/could cause you to back out having gone through it all for nothing or being made to suffer far longer than you intended or hoped, or leaving you physically damaged in ways that you can no longer finish your ctb process so you become a living walking invalid

I'm sorry you're in this situation, how are you doing currently?

 

[RadiantNumber]

Toxic metals like arsenium, lead etc but I won't advice it

 

[ElTopo]

Toxic metals like arsenium, lead etc but I won't advice it

Is it the reliability or the pain/side damage involved that make it a bad choice?

I think I can stand some pain, discomfort and being hospitalized, I can't stand not dying

If only there was a way of forcing my body to have a heart attack I would do it, not matter the pain

 

[22yearsbroken]

I have chonic liver diaease cirrhosis ..and still drink dull well knowing it will kill me slowly and pai fully which is why despite care and threrapy and qll that stuff i still have my way out so i dont suffer qhen its my time i will make the cboice not some doctor or bollxs my life my choice ill live it my way and end it my way ..

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, how are you doing currently?

Tired most days, its causing ammonia build up in my brain since the liver cant process toxins and iron properly so I have days where I feel normal and days where I feel like I've lost my mind entirely. I become disoriented, rageful, emotional(lots of random crying), lose track of my thoughts and forget whole conversations. Im in the early stages of ascites, so I have fluid building up in my abdomen causing swelling and discomfort while also looking anemic from not being able to eat and causing me to lose my body confidence.. its alot all around but somehow... im content where I am, just trying to keep pushing through to the end. My problem is that I don't fear death i fear how my method will end up obliterating my pride in how I look physically im worried people are gonna think im getting fat

 

[Space_Road_1979]

I wouldn't advise it ** personally.
Currently in liver and kidney failure (by choice) from long term acetaminophen abuse in my own attempt to "slowly poison myself" for a more natural exit...(we're probably thinking different types of 'poison' but the slow impact of killing yourself through health decline is basically the same) the toll it takes on your body and your mind to drag out the process can become overwhelming throughout the duration and may take longer than you originally anticipated or have end stage side effects you don't see coming that would/could cause you to back out having gone through it all for nothing or being made to suffer far longer than you intended or hoped, or leaving you physically damaged in ways that you can no longer finish your ctb process so you become a living walking invalid

Dude I honestly wish you the best and hope you're not in too much pain. I can't imagine how hard all of this is while in the US.

I have a few questions, you don't have to answer if you don't want to:
1. What do you mean by long term abuse? Do you mean taking too much acetaminophen but not enough to be hospitalised?
2. Did/does anyone notice what you were doing?
2. How long have you been in liver/kidney failure?
3. What's your prognosis?
4. And do you get any treatment?

I overdose to self harm on acetaminophen or other medication not really to kill myself but like remind me how slow, painful and sucky death is and just to make myself suffer. These are overdoses of around 40 to 70 pills. I know it's kind of odd but I always go to the hospital in the end, after seeing how long I can handle it. I know this will probably end up with liver damage but I've done it so many times and my liver is still fine sadly. I don't care if this kills me but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of liver failure.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Is it the reliability or the pain/side damage involved that make it a bad choice?

I think I can stand some pain, discomfort and being hospitalized, I can't stand not dying

If only there was a way of forcing my body to have a heart attack I would do it, not matter the pain

I think you won't like it, it's painfull and terrible death

Toxic heavy metal - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

Dude I honestly wish you the best and hope you're not in too much pain. I can't imagine how hard all of this is while in the US.

I have a few questions, you don't have to answer if you don't want to:
1. What do you mean by long term abuse? Do you mean taking too much acetaminophen but not enough to be hospitalised?
2. Did/does anyone notice what you were doing?
2. How long have you been in liver/kidney failure?
3. What's your prognosis?
4. And do you get any treatment?

I overdose to self harm on acetaminophen or other medication not really to kill myself but like remind me how slow, painful and sucky death is and just to make myself suffer. These are overdoses of around 40 to 70 pills. I know it's kind of odd but I always go to the hospital in the end, after seeing how long I can handle it. I know this will probably end up with liver damage but I've done it so many times and my liver is still fine sadly. I don't care if this kills me but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of liver failure.

Sorry for the delayed response, i haven't been feeling up to much these last few weeks.
1- I have had a few 'major overdoses' in the past. no i did not seek care i spent those nights half alive writhing in bed or hunched over a trash can, yes my spouse was aware.
However, the body is extremely resilient and unfortunately none of my attempts worked. Its enough to have you really sick for days or weeks but not usually enough to kill you. My mom is a holistic guru, she's always saying how the good stuff takes longer to work but its more effective when done in increments over time to help to body fully repair and restock on whatever it needs - i took that and ran with it. If herbs can heal and repair failing organs with time.... then man made drugs chocked full of poison can kill an organ if u have the same dedication. After being released from the ward in December I decided I was determined to go out one way or another and i have been taking 'mini overdose cocktails' multiple times a week. I take anywhere from2 to3 times the daily recommended amount, split into morning/midday/evening increments, mixing 2 to 3 otcs at a time. So in a day I've had at least twice the daily amount of at least 2 drugs. Its enough to keep me queasy and overall unwell but not enough to keep me from performing daily tasks or drawing unwanted attention (it helps that im bipolar- the mania gives me insane energy even on my worst days). I take one that I know is harmful to the liver and one thats harmful to the kidneys and throw in extras as desired. The goal is to constantly overload it so it doesnt have a chance to repair before it finally gives out. Taking days/weeks/months off gives the liver the time needed to heal - so I try to make sure I take something* daily. (That part can be hard mentally when u already feel like shit from the process and u know another dose is just gonna make it worse again)
2- my spouse is fully aware- he doesnt care. My family has some idea as to how I got sick but not the extent, they sent me tons of supplements to detox and they think im taking them and improving.
3/4-likely hrs (blood circulation problems in the kidneys from the messed up liver?) from what I've been told no definites without more indepth testing - I've had full blood panels done a few times over the last four months, urine tests, ct scan, and an ultrasound. First bloodwork in the er showed liver damage and the ct scan showed 'possible' concern with the size of my liver, they recommended i seek care with my primary. I did not. A month later I noticed the swelling/ ascites and went to the doc to get an ultrasound, they did the ultrasound and found fluid in my abdomen and my bloodwork showed kidney damage and blood circulation problems which led them to believe its most likely hrs combined with my suspected h.e - i was again advised to seek care. They actually didnt wanna let me go but I assured them that I had an appointment upcoming and would get checked out. So ...prognosis is uncertain just that its progressed to some end stage symptoms. I experienced a heart angina last week after working in the yard so... we'll see what time has in store.

No, im not choosing to seek treatment at this time. I did go in for the testing to confirm my suspicions and make sure that everything i was doing is actually working but im not interested in getting better so I don't see the need for doctors. I don't wanna spend what might be my last... idk?... Getting poked and prodded by doctors, having them sneaking around trying to figure out how I ended up with liver and kidney failure- I don't wanna get locked up in the ward again and I don't want to be ivcd with some doctor somewhere undoing all the work I've done. In my crazy mind... i worked hard for this, truly it hasn't been the best last few months and I don't wanna have gone thru this all for nothing. They're already talking about the need for a likely transplant - i could not (and obviously don't want to) take a healthy liver or kidney from someone when it could go to someone who deserves it and would want it. A new organ wont fix the real problem... my mind is the problem. Without a new brain I would just be the same suicidal nutjob with a new liver to damage.


Anyway, sorry for the long reply

 

[Space_Road_1979]

Sorry for the delayed response, i haven't been feeling up to much these last few weeks.
1- I have had a few 'major overdoses' in the past. no i did not seek care i spent those nights half alive writhing in bed or hunched over a trash can, yes my spouse was aware.
However, the body is extremely resilient and unfortunately none of my attempts worked. Its enough to have you really sick for days or weeks but not usually enough to kill you. My mom is a holistic guru, she's always saying how the good stuff takes longer to work but its more effective when done in increments over time to help to body fully repair and restock on whatever it needs - i took that and ran with it. If herbs can heal and repair failing organs with time.... then man made drugs chocked full of poison can kill an organ if u have the same dedication. After being released from the ward in December I decided I was determined to go out one way or another and i have been taking 'mini overdose cocktails' multiple times a week. I take anywhere from2 to3 times the daily recommended amount, split into morning/midday/evening increments, mixing 2 to 3 otcs at a time. So in a day I've had at least twice the daily amount of at least 2 drugs. Its enough to keep me queasy and overall unwell but not enough to keep me from performing daily tasks or drawing unwanted attention (it helps that im bipolar- the mania gives me insane energy even on my worst days). I take one that I know is harmful to the liver and one thats harmful to the kidneys and throw in extras as desired. The goal is to constantly overload it so it doesnt have a chance to repair before it finally gives out. Taking days/weeks/months off gives the liver the time needed to heal - so I try to make sure I take something* daily. (That part can be hard mentally when u already feel like shit from the process and u know another dose is just gonna make it worse again)
2- my spouse is fully aware- he doesnt care. My family has some idea as to how I got sick but not the extent, they sent me tons of supplements to detox and they think im taking them and improving.
3/4-likely hrs (blood circulation problems in the kidneys from the messed up liver?) from what I've been told no definites without more indepth testing - I've had full blood panels done a few times over the last four months, urine tests, ct scan, and an ultrasound. First bloodwork in the er showed liver damage and the ct scan showed 'possible' concern with the size of my liver, they recommended i seek care with my primary. I did not. A month later I noticed the swelling/ ascites and went to the doc to get an ultrasound, they did the ultrasound and found fluid in my abdomen and my bloodwork showed kidney damage and blood circulation problems which led them to believe its most likely hrs combined with my suspected h.e - i was again advised to seek care. They actually didnt wanna let me go but I assured them that I had an appointment upcoming and would get checked out. So ...prognosis is uncertain just that its progressed to some end stage symptoms. I experienced a heart angina last week after working in the yard so... we'll see what time has in store.

No, im not choosing to seek treatment at this time. I did go in for the testing to confirm my suspicions and make sure that everything i was doing is actually working but im not interested in getting better so I don't see the need for doctors. I don't wanna spend what might be my last... idk?... Getting poked and prodded by doctors, having them sneaking around trying to figure out how I ended up with liver and kidney failure- I don't wanna get locked up in the ward again and I don't want to be ivcd with some doctor somewhere undoing all the work I've done. In my crazy mind... i worked hard for this, truly it hasn't been the best last few months and I don't wanna have gone thru this all for nothing. They're already talking about the need for a likely transplant - i could not (and obviously don't want to) take a healthy liver or kidney from someone when it could go to someone who deserves it and would want it. A new organ wont fix the real problem... my mind is the problem. Without a new brain I would just be the same suicidal nutjob with a new liver to damage.


Anyway, sorry for the long reply

Thank you for replying and sorry for all the questions! Don't worry about the long reply I asked you a lot of things.

I hope you won't be in too much pain. Liver and kidney failure don't exactly sound pleasant.