struggles_inc
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- Jun 24, 2023
- 209
My postings have become more and more rare lately because I'm completely numb most of the time. I have nothing to say. I had been breaking down mentally after a friend betrayal in March, but in April I just snapped. I felt empty for a long while before I started feeling angry. The past couple weeks I have enjoyed verbally hurting people so much. Mostly those who said something negative to me earlier.
I noticed that I really like seeing them feel bad. I really, really like making them feel shame, guilt, insecurity.
I have never felt in control like that. I tried everything to be friendly and helpful and pleasant to be around, and I would get stepped on all the time. I don't know what exactly that feeling is, and I am a bit frightened by these thoughts, but I like to see these people suffer.
My boyfriend is finally coming this month and I don't know if I want to see him anymore. I completely lost interest in trying to interact with anyone, including him. I don't want to explain my feelings to him because I know he won't understand.
I openly hate people who hurt me. I realised I don't want to die and leave this world for them to enjoy. I would rather stay and make it a fucking living hell for them.
I'm sorry for being such an edgelord. But that is sincere. That is what I feel. Since I stopped communicating with people and isolated, these thoughts are the only thing that keeps me company.
I know being cruel is wrong but I just can't control it anymore. I've had anger issues all my life and I would set my emotions aside for the greater good, for the benefit of people around me. I can't do it anymore. Sorry.
I noticed that I really like seeing them feel bad. I really, really like making them feel shame, guilt, insecurity.
I have never felt in control like that. I tried everything to be friendly and helpful and pleasant to be around, and I would get stepped on all the time. I don't know what exactly that feeling is, and I am a bit frightened by these thoughts, but I like to see these people suffer.
My boyfriend is finally coming this month and I don't know if I want to see him anymore. I completely lost interest in trying to interact with anyone, including him. I don't want to explain my feelings to him because I know he won't understand.
I openly hate people who hurt me. I realised I don't want to die and leave this world for them to enjoy. I would rather stay and make it a fucking living hell for them.
I'm sorry for being such an edgelord. But that is sincere. That is what I feel. Since I stopped communicating with people and isolated, these thoughts are the only thing that keeps me company.
I know being cruel is wrong but I just can't control it anymore. I've had anger issues all my life and I would set my emotions aside for the greater good, for the benefit of people around me. I can't do it anymore. Sorry.
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