Venting sleep deprivation is making me suicidal

[illvoid]

It's 7 am. I haven't slept. I can't go to sleep now or I'll wake up in the middle of the day or even later. wellbutrin is making me into a total wirebrain insomniac. nothing even helps me fall asleep, ive tried taking melatonin but it does nothing and I can't take prescription sleep meds bc i have a shitty history with those (both benzos and zdrugs). my meds work when i get normal sleep. i dont understand whats been happening to me for the past week but i can't stand it and ive been getting less and less sleep every night. last night i got none. i hate being alive and im starting to have serious cognitive decline. im forgetting things constantly and people in my life are telling me more and more frequently that im making no sense/incoherent/even got called "crazy" once this week which hasnt happened in months. i cant function like this and the suicidal thoughts are getting worse every day but I can't sleep. i know i'll feel better if i just sleep i dont know why i cant i dont know whats wrong with me i was never an insomniac until i started taking this fucking medicine and its the only one thats helped me out of the 8 psych meds ive been on. i need to sleep and i dont know why i cant but laying down doesnt even feel right anymore i can barely close my eyes but im so tired i feel physically sick. i also quit weed not too long ago which really isnt helping because i used to smoke before bed every night and i cant anymore. im scared of whats happening to my body, my heart doesnt feel right and i struggle to keep myself awake but only during the daytime. i want to die so bad and i dont understand why or whats wrong with me i just cant stop thinking about ctb and ive been so much happier recently until my sleep got fucked up i dont understand what changed. this wasnt a problem when i first started taking wellbutrin OR when i first quit smoking weed. im super paranoid and i want to go to sleep but im afraid ill miss something important or i'll sleep all day and i really dont know what to do. every little sound is setting me off and my vision is grainy and blurry. im so scared. i dont know what to do.

 

[Linda]

It's 7 am. I haven't slept. I can't go to sleep now or I'll wake up in the middle of the day or even later. wellbutrin is making me into a total wirebrain insomniac. nothing even helps me fall asleep, ive tried taking melatonin but it does nothing and I can't take prescription sleep meds bc i have a shitty history with those (both benzos and zdrugs). my meds work when i get normal sleep. i dont understand whats been happening to me for the past week but i can't stand it and ive been getting less and less sleep every night. last night i got none. i hate being alive and im starting to have serious cognitive decline. im forgetting things constantly and people in my life are telling me more and more frequently that im making no sense/incoherent/even got called "crazy" once this week which hasnt happened in months. i cant function like this and the suicidal thoughts are getting worse every day but I can't sleep. i know i'll feel better if i just sleep i dont know why i cant i dont know whats wrong with me i was never an insomniac until i started taking this fucking medicine and its the only one thats helped me out of the 8 psych meds ive been on. i need to sleep and i dont know why i cant but laying down doesnt even feel right anymore i can barely close my eyes but im so tired i feel physically sick. i also quit weed not too long ago which really isnt helping because i used to smoke before bed every night and i cant anymore. im scared of whats happening to my body, my heart doesnt feel right and i struggle to keep myself awake but only during the daytime. i want to die so bad and i dont understand why or whats wrong with me i just cant stop thinking about ctb and ive been so much happier recently until my sleep got fucked up i dont understand what changed. this wasnt a problem when i first started taking wellbutrin OR when i first quit smoking weed. im super paranoid and i want to go to sleep but im afraid ill miss something important or i'll sleep all day and i really dont know what to do. every little sound is setting me off and my vision is grainy and blurry. im so scared. i dont know what to do.

It's well known that lack of sleep makes people more suicidal than they would otherwise be. And then feeling suicidal can make it harder to sleep ... It sounds as though you are stuck in that downward spiral at the moment. You need to break out of it, and turn it into an upward spiral. Have you tried cutting down the meds to the absolute minimum you can get away with, and then doing nothing at all for a few days except relaxing and trying to get some sleep? If that doesn't work, then perhaps you could risk trying again, but using no meds at all for a few days.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Wellbutrin was messing with my sleep too. Had to quit because of that

 

[axab43]

It's 7 am. I haven't slept. I can't go to sleep now or I'll wake up in the middle of the day or even later. wellbutrin is making me into a total wirebrain insomniac. nothing even helps me fall asleep, ive tried taking melatonin but it does nothing and I can't take prescription sleep meds bc i have a shitty history with those (both benzos and zdrugs). my meds work when i get normal sleep. i dont understand whats been happening to me for the past week but i can't stand it and ive been getting less and less sleep every night. last night i got none. i hate being alive and im starting to have serious cognitive decline. im forgetting things constantly and people in my life are telling me more and more frequently that im making no sense/incoherent/even got called "crazy" once this week which hasnt happened in months. i cant function like this and the suicidal thoughts are getting worse every day but I can't sleep. i know i'll feel better if i just sleep i dont know why i cant i dont know whats wrong with me i was never an insomniac until i started taking this fucking medicine and its the only one thats helped me out of the 8 psych meds ive been on. i need to sleep and i dont know why i cant but laying down doesnt even feel right anymore i can barely close my eyes but im so tired i feel physically sick. i also quit weed not too long ago which really isnt helping because i used to smoke before bed every night and i cant anymore. im scared of whats happening to my body, my heart doesnt feel right and i struggle to keep myself awake but only during the daytime. i want to die so bad and i dont understand why or whats wrong with me i just cant stop thinking about ctb and ive been so much happier recently until my sleep got fucked up i dont understand what changed. this wasnt a problem when i first started taking wellbutrin OR when i first quit smoking weed. im super paranoid and i want to go to sleep but im afraid ill miss something important or i'll sleep all day and i really dont know what to do. every little sound is setting me off and my vision is grainy and blurry. im so scared. i dont know what to do.

I completely understand this. I started having trouble with sleeping when my brother died four years ago and now I can't sleep at all without sleeping medication. It does really make you more suicidal but the doctors at this point just shrug and say there is nothing more they can do (having just tried a few kinds of sleeping tablets.)

It does make you feel like you are going crazy, especially in the middle of the night and if you have other issues too, like loneliness or bereavement. The medical profession just does not take this seriously enough!

 

[F@#$]

I like waking up in the middle of the afternoon.

 

[reasonabledoubt]

What helped me was Melperone, which is an atypical antipsychotic (so no benzo or Z-drug as far as I understand) 75 mg before sleeping and it works Like a charm.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I am sensitive to sound and must have quiet to be able to sleep. There is noise outside the house (traffic) and inside the house (neighbors) I live in. There have been times when I have not been able to sleep for several days due to noise and the sleep deprivation drove me crazy - so I understand that sleep deprivation makes people suicidal.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

I'm not a medical doctor nor a expert but i think you need to visit a medical doctor, perhaps if you got some strong sedatives like ketamine you'll be able to sleep, it seems like something is not functioning properly in your body

 

[soleil]

I've been an Insomniac my entire life. Try diphenhydramine/benadryl.. been taking it everyday and still works. Cheap and otc.

 

[Sunset Limited]

You should seek medical help. I have had chronic insomnia for 10 years. It is under control with Mirtazapine. Not every drug is the solution in every situation. Your doctor should recommend the one that is suitable for you.

 

[Deviisdreaming-]

It's 7 am. I haven't slept. I can't go to sleep now or I'll wake up in the middle of the day or even later. wellbutrin is making me into a total wirebrain insomniac. nothing even helps me fall asleep, ive tried taking melatonin but it does nothing and I can't take prescription sleep meds bc i have a shitty history with those (both benzos and zdrugs). my meds work when i get normal sleep. i dont understand whats been happening to me for the past week but i can't stand it and ive been getting less and less sleep every night. last night i got none. i hate being alive and im starting to have serious cognitive decline. im forgetting things constantly and people in my life are telling me more and more frequently that im making no sense/incoherent/even got called "crazy" once this week which hasnt happened in months. i cant function like this and the suicidal thoughts are getting worse every day but I can't sleep. i know i'll feel better if i just sleep i dont know why i cant i dont know whats wrong with me i was never an insomniac until i started taking this fucking medicine and its the only one thats helped me out of the 8 psych meds ive been on. i need to sleep and i dont know why i cant but laying down doesnt even feel right anymore i can barely close my eyes but im so tired i feel physically sick. i also quit weed not too long ago which really isnt helping because i used to smoke before bed every night and i cant anymore. im scared of whats happening to my body, my heart doesnt feel right and i struggle to keep myself awake but only during the daytime. i want to die so bad and i dont understand why or whats wrong with me i just cant stop thinking about ctb and ive been so much happier recently until my sleep got fucked up i dont understand what changed. this wasnt a problem when i first started taking wellbutrin OR when i first quit smoking weed. im super paranoid and i want to go to sleep but im afraid ill miss something important or i'll sleep all day and i really dont know what to do. every little sound is setting me off and my vision is grainy and blurry. im so scared. i dont know what to do.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, I would recommend lowering the dosage that you're on if you can. Maybe the MG is too high. If that doesn't work I'd try exercise (not so much for your physical health) maybe it'll knock you out.

 

[illvoid]

What helped me was Melperone, which is an atypical antipsychotic (so no benzo or Z-drug as far as I understand) 75 mg before sleeping and it works Like a charm.

I'm not a medical doctor nor a expert but i think you need to visit a medical doctor, perhaps if you got some strong sedatives like ketamine you'll be able to sleep, it seems like something is not functioning properly in your body

You should seek medical help. I have had chronic insomnia for 10 years. It is under control with Mirtazapine. Not every drug is the solution in every situation. Your doctor should recommend the one that is suitable for you.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, I would recommend lowering the dosage that you're on if you can. Maybe the MG is too high. If that doesn't work I'd try exercise (not so much for your physical health) maybe it'll knock you out.

I did decide to set up an appointment with my psychiatrist. I was given cyproheptadine to help with sleep and appetite. Thank you all for the advice, hopefully this will continue to work.

 

[thepiecessatup]

You should seek medical help. I have had chronic insomnia for 10 years. It is under control with Mirtazapine. Not every drug is the solution in every situation. Your doctor should recommend the one that is suitable for you.

Mirtazapine is great for sleep. It's a real knock out pill. Side effect for me was being absolutely starving the whole time and craving sweet food and carbs. I put on a tonne of weight but lost it now. I would use again for sleep (works better in lower doses for sleep AFAIK as it has what is known as a paradoxical effect).*

Insomnia is just awful and makes it so difficult to function even at a basic level. It is extremely frustrating. I would definitely say I am more suicidal during periods of insomnia (but this is usually caused by bad anxiety so that's also making me suicidal - albeit incapable of doing anything to end my life that requires planning or leaving the house i.e. going to a place where I can jump).

*I am not a doctor or medical practitioner and this is just based on my personal experience.

 

[MarkSmith73]

I was out of work for 4 months due to exhaustion from sleep deprivation. I know you can't take benzos but just speaking for me personally combination of Temazepam, Seroquel and Doxepin works like a dream. A lot of doctors won't prescribe things that actually help. During the day Gabapentin helps with daily functioning including pain, depression and added bonus of general feeling of well being. Strictly speaking for myself tho.

 

[BlueCup]

I attempted to ctb myself due to sleep deprivation / suffocation and I'll try it again if necessary, it was nothing short of torture.

No med is worth taking if it makes one suicidal.
What do you take the wellbutrin for ?

 

[BlackEyedDog]

You should seek medical help. I have had chronic insomnia for 10 years. It is under control with Mirtazapine. Not every drug is the solution in every situation. Your doctor should recommend the one that is suitable for you.

I also have found Mirtazapine (not a benzo and not addictive from what my doc said and my experience) very helpful for sleep. As Sunset Limited said, a doctor would be best to see what if it or some other medication might help.

 

[Ash]

Mirtazapine helped my sleep but induced extremely vivid dreams which did not mix well with my PTSD flashbacks and nightmares so I decided that insomnia was the better option. I also had that side effect when I went onto the highest dosage of Fluoxetine, though that wasn't the sleep, so it could just be my weird body being weird.

 

[halleyscomet]

Sometimes I struggle to sleep due to severe suicidal thoughts and anxiety. Personally when I am in this state, I sometimes use CBD infused things to calm me down and it works like a charm. I use these bath bombs I got from lush that are infused with a lot of CBD, I run a scolding hot bath and I lay until I've calmed down. By the time I've gotten into my pyjamas I'm knocked out. You should seek medical help for this, but this has helped me personally.