Sitting on a beach right now, in the summer evening sun. Blue sky, supping a cider after a hard day's work.

[NotSureToEndure]

If anything I should be happy.

I sort of am. I'm kind of in between.

I can have these moments of solitude and feel very blessed. Like it's been a long old day at work, but right now it's lovely here on the beach.

The sea is beautiful, as is the late spring blue sky. Still a little chilly here in the UK, but very pleasant on the whole.

Been busy AF with work recently, and I'm self employed so it's paying pretty well.

By all accounts I have it all sorted. But I do not.. It seems..

I am sitting here on this beach reading SS. I don't know why. I don't why I post here. It's some kind of therapy?

I keep having these glimmers of hope where I sort of ban myself from coming here, cos i think ultimately it makes me more suicidal.

But maybe I am just deep down suicidal. I literally have the ticket sitting at home.

So so divided. I love some parts of the world but I feel like my body is letting me down. Living with unanswerable pains and physical sensations sucks.

I'm into my fourth year of trying to work out why I get random abdominal pain, on top of many things else.

Had all the tests and scans, blood tests.. The lot.

I genuinely feel that now this is it. I either end my life or attempt to live with the pain because I can't find an answer.

I feel like you can drive yourself mad looking for a diagnosis, but equally I think ignoring something that feels so prominent is not the answer either.

Perhaps I should prepare to leave. But it feels so final doesn't it?

Thoughts of the day..!

I hope you're having a nice evening anyway.

Amoung the sh*t, there's alot of beauty in this world.

 

[Lost Magic]

Glad you are enjoying the beach in the good weather. Tbh, nature is one of the few things left in this sad world that I still enjoy. Saying that I don't get to see much of it, but when I do it's pretty cool.


Tried to upload some pics I took in the Scottish Highlands last year but there are upload problems.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Glad you are enjoying the beach in the good weather. Tbh, nature is one of the few things left in this sad world that I still enjoy. Saying that I don't get to see much of it, but when I do it's pretty cool.


Tried to upload some pics I took in the Scottish Highlands last year but there are upload problems.

I was looking for your picture . No worries, I have seen bits of the Highlands and know how wonderful they can be!! Nature is good!!

 

[Soulless Angel]

I wish I could sit on the beach wiht no fucking care, I am also the UK, we have some fucking awesome beaches!

to be able to sit with no interruptions and just pure peace with your own mind, sounds amazing!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so much, but I am pleased for you that you are able to find some comfort in nature. This life really can be so unfair and cruel and it is horrifying how our bodies are capable of torturing us. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[watchingthewheels]

If anything I should be happy.

I sort of am. I'm kind of in between.

I can have these moments of solitude and feel very blessed. Like it's been a long old day at work, but right now it's lovely here on the beach.

The sea is beautiful, as is the late spring blue sky. Still a little chilly here in the UK, but very pleasant on the whole.

Been busy AF with work recently, and I'm self employed so it's paying pretty well.

By all accounts I have it all sorted. But I do not.. It seems..

I am sitting here on this beach reading SS. I don't know why. I don't why I post here. It's some kind of therapy?

I keep having these glimmers of hope where I sort of ban myself from coming here, cos i think ultimately it makes me more suicidal.

But maybe I am just deep down suicidal. I literally have the ticket sitting at home.

So so divided. I love some parts of the world but I feel like my body is letting me down. Living with unanswerable pains and physical sensations sucks.

I'm into my fourth year of trying to work out why I get random abdominal pain, on top of many things else.

Had all the tests and scans, blood tests.. The lot.

I genuinely feel that now this is it. I either end my life or attempt to live with the pain because I can't find an answer.

I feel like you can drive yourself mad looking for a diagnosis, but equally I think ignoring something that feels so prominent is not the answer either.

Perhaps I should prepare to leave. But it feels so final doesn't it?

Thoughts of the day..!

I hope you're having a nice evening anyway.

Amoung the sh*t, there's alot of beauty in this world.

Sorry to hear about the abdominal issues. I've been there myself, including the frustration of trying to get an accurate diagnosis. (Stomach issues are a pain to diagnosis, as it's mostly "process of elimination".) For a while, I could barely eat without getting sick or a distended abdomen, and would stand in the grocery store in near-tears because I didn't know what I could eat. Even lost almost 50 pounds at one point. Ultimately, after some false starts, they came up with "IBS". I've since learned to control it, but it doesn't take much to set it off. (What one person considers a normal portion/plate of food, something I used to have no trouble with, is too much for me, now.)

That was over 10 years ago, now. It's amazing how little we actually need to eat. And it does make me appreciate food more, after having to cut out much of what I used to like. But it doesn't have to stop us from enjoying something like a sunset. Take the good where you can get it, when you can get it.