grimmtheripper
Welcome to the "Diary of the Damned".
- May 1, 2022
- 12
I haven't been on here in awhile. I thought things were pointless and doomed when my father passed away in December '22. I had given up. Then I met my partner, I got a place, and I finally wasn't homeless. Things seemed to be looking up for me, for once. My partner and I celebrated our one year anniversary and found out we'd be welcoming a beautiful babygirl into the world, due Nov. 1st 2024. At 12 weeks, we lost the baby. (Miscarriage) and I needed a pretty invasive procedure to complete the miscarriage process. I've been spiraling. All of sudden, what seemed to be improving is once again pointless. Why did I waste so much time looking for a place, signing a year long lease? I don't wanna live for another year. Another month. Another minute. I'm sure I'm probably still just hormonal, and I'll regret posting this here when I wake up and become embarrassed that I was vulnerable on the Internet (heaven forbid) but I feel broken again. I'm falling back into that hole. I crave the drugs and I crave an escape and I crave a feeling of numbness and darkness and silence. I'm beginning to become afraid of my own thoughts, yet somehow in the same breath so relaxed and at peace at thought of today being my last day of suffering. Something in my stomach seems to settle when I picture today as my last day. I just need to catch my breath.
