SI with N

[new.solution1]

What is the SI like with N?

I'm worried I won't be able to drink it. Is this a common experience? I hope it is not. There are times where I'm confident, but I'm afraid those are illusory.

I'm also worried about the time between having drank it and sleep. I'm worried that I'll get second thoughts, run to my parents for help. Have huge existential feelings, that maybe I didn't expect.

I want this method to possibly (if I'm not going to CTB immediately once I receive N) be a way out ready for me at any time, but if my SI is in the way, it's not really a way out if it's blocked....

 

[hankbank3928]

I wondering the same.

 

[jimmy7754]

everyone is different.. I'm practicing drinking 200ml of vodka..

 

[Interloper]

Just have to find the right trigger to drink it, it was also a worry of mine but I think I found a good one. I already know for me, the period between drinking and unconsciousness will probably include the worst torture my brain can conjure, and I'm afraid I will break, too. Don't know what to do about that unfortunately. Hopefully I can be brave at least once in my pathetic existence and take one final beating? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[mandyjohnuk]

When you ready you'll know it and you'll drink it with no worries.

 

[hankbank3928]

I think I'm going to rely on distractions like music videos and things like that for the 5 mins or so before I go unconscious.

 

[Al_stargate]

SI with N is from all the methods seems like the least hard to overcome to me. Easier said than done of course. I wonder all those things OP wrote as well. Getting into the mental state of drinking it, what will happen in minutes until sleep. I guess I'll think of all the shit I'm dealing with and how my life is, to get to drink it. Before I might take a sleeping pill to calm down and to be sleepy. I also think I'll go out for a run prior, take a shower, eat some nice light meal, and have some small chocolate treat after drinking. Everything to release good-feeling chemicals, to make the experience nicer.

 

[lmon]

What is the SI like with N?

I'm worried I won't be able to drink it. Is this a common experience? I hope it is not. There are times where I'm confident, but I'm afraid those are illusory.

I'm also worried about the time between having drank it and sleep. I'm worried that I'll get second thoughts, run to my parents for help. Have huge existential feelings, that maybe I didn't expect.

I want this method to possibly (if I'm not going to CTB immediately once I receive N) be a way out ready for me at any time, but if my SI is in the way, it's not really a way out if it's blocked....

Same

 

[Hercules]

SI isn't dependent on the method you chose. Your SI will kick in no matter what your method is. Si is hard to overcome, because you have to overcome your preservation instinct which tells you to save yourself at all costs, and your fear of death and the unknown. On first glance it seems like it would be easier to overcome SI by drinking poison rather than do something scary like jump off a tall building. Not really. You would still have to drink the poison knowing what it is and what it will do to you. SI is a psychological block that one has to overcome. You would have to come to the point where you are completely at peace with your death.

For me at least, having N as my method has made my SI stronger, because N isn't a half baked method. I know if I drink it one day, there will be no going back. I also worry that I will panic after I drink the N. I took an OD before, and stupid as it sounds, there is always that moment where you will realize what you just did and panic. There is no going back with N. Even if I did panic and was able to call for help immediately after drinking it, I would still most likely not survive it.

 

[new.solution1]

SI isn't dependent on the method you chose. Your SI will kick in no matter what your method is. Si is hard to overcome, because you have to overcome your preservation instinct which tells you to save yourself at all costs, and your fear of death and the unknown. On first glance it seems like it would be easier to overcome SI by drinking poison rather than do something scary like jump off a tall building. Not really. You would still have to drink the poison knowing what it is and what it will do to you. SI is a psychological block that one has to overcome. You would have to come to the point where you are completely at peace with your death.

For me at least, having N as my method has made my SI stronger, because N isn't a half baked method. I know if I drink it one day, there will be no going back. I also worry that I will panic after I drink the N. I took an OD before, and stupid as it sounds, there is always that moment where you will realize what you just did and panic. There is no going back with N. Even if I did panic and was able to call for help immediately after drinking it, I would still most likely not survive it.

What makes you think you most likely would not survive it?

Someone on here was saved after he drank it because he went to his parents.

In response to the rest of what you say, I may be wrong, but I always felt there is a distinction between SI and psychological block. I felt that SI would have to be dealt with methods such as jumping, cutting, because those would trigger a "BASE" instinct (the feeling of falling, the pain, etc.). I remember jumping off a high cliff into water for the first time, and automatically screaming without choice and feeling fear and adrenaline until I hit the water. SI deals with the base instincts, the automatic responses, reflex feelings. But drinking something doesn't trigger those deeper instincts. I feel I am okay with the psychological block, that I don't have any. But hearing people talk about SI on here, and as an all inclusive thing (both psychological block, AND the instinctual thing I just talked about), makes me worry as if I am not aware of some part of me that will kick in. The user TiredHorse who wrote the megathread for exit bag said that it felt as if a different persona kicked in and he couldn't go through with the method.

I remember reading a post that said N outsmarts your SI. I know you must disagree.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

What is the SI like with N?

I'm worried I won't be able to drink it. Is this a common experience? I hope it is not. There are times where I'm confident, but I'm afraid those are illusory.

I'm also worried about the time between having drank it and sleep. I'm worried that I'll get second thoughts, run to my parents for help. Have huge existential feelings, that maybe I didn't expect.

I want this method to possibly (if I'm not going to CTB immediately once I receive N) be a way out ready for me at any time, but if my SI is in the way, it's not really a way out if it's blocked....

I imagine if you're worried about this, then you're not yet ready for CTB. It's a permanent and irreversible decision and since N itself is not painful or distressing, the only thing logically holding one back I'd think, is not being fully ready to go through with it yet.

I imagine if you're worried about this, then you're not yet ready for CTB. It's a permanent and irreversible decision and since N itself is not painful or distressing, the only thing logically holding one back I'd think, is not being fully ready to go through with it yet.

Also, forgot to mention, that that's totally fine and it's not something you should rush either for all the reasons I stated above.

What makes you think you most likely would not survive it?

Someone on here was saved after he drank it because he went to his parents.

I think from what I saw, that they're worried about essentially doing this. I don't think CTB is worth a failed "attempt" though. Permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation is no joking matter.

 

[new.solution1]

I imagine if you're worried about this, then you're not yet ready for CTB. It's a permanent and irreversible decision and since N itself is not painful or distressing, the only thing logically holding one back I'd think, is not being fully ready to go through with it yet.

Also, forgot to mention, that that's totally fine and it's not something you should rush either for all the reasons I stated above.

I think from what I saw, that they're worried about essentially doing this. I don't think CTB is worth a failed "attempt" though. Permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation is no joking matter.

In my previous post I kind of respond to what you just said.

 

[Hercules]

What makes you think you most likely would not survive it?

Someone on here was saved after he drank it because he went to his parents.

Well I think that there would be a good chance that I wouldn't survive it, even if I was brought to the hospital. There is no antidote for a barbiturate overdose. The doctors would only be able to give me supportive care, and hope that I would pull through. I'm not saying that it would be impossible for someone to survive a N overdose, just that the odds are against.

 

[new.solution1]

Well I think that there would be a good chance that I wouldn't survive it, even if I was brought to the hospital. There is no antidote for a barbiturate overdose. The doctors would only be able to give me supportive care, and hope that I would pull through. I'm not saying that it would be impossible for someone to survive a N overdose, just that the odds are against.

I've actually read that it's a thing that people recover from it without any side effects whatsoever. From what I've seen, you get put on life supportive care and you recover.

I think from what I saw, that they're worried about essentially doing this. I don't think CTB is worth a failed "attempt" though. Permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation is no joking matter.

I don't understand what you mean. Saw from what? Who are you saying is worried?

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I've actually read that it's a thing that people recover from it without any side effects whatsoever. From what I've seen, you get put on life supportive care and you recover.

I don't understand what you mean. Saw from what? Who are you saying is worried?

You. I'm talking about your post.

Well I think that there would be a good chance that I wouldn't survive it, even if I was brought to the hospital. There is no antidote for a barbiturate overdose. The doctors would only be able to give me supportive care, and hope that I would pull through. I'm not saying that it would be impossible for someone to survive a N overdose, just that the odds are against.

Keep in mind to that similar to SN, N has a neuro-protective effect. You'll be alive for longer when deprived of oxygen if you have N in your system vs. if you didn't have any N. That being said, you'd also need to be put on life support very soon to have a good change of surviving so like others have said, how soon and whether or not you're found is really the critical factor when it comes to death or survival because of how lethal N is.

 

[new.solution1]

You. I'm talking about your post.

Oh I see. I was confused because you quoted my post, then talked to me addressing me in third person.

Also, N doesn't cause permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation if you survive it? Am I wrong?

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Oh I see. I was confused because you quoted my post, then talked to me addressing me in third person.

Also, N doesn't cause permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation if you survive it? Am I wrong?

Ohh!! Sorry! I didn't realize you were the original poster at the time which is why I used the 3rd person My bad. I would have been very confused too!

 

[new.solution1]

SI isn't dependent on the method you chose. Your SI will kick in no matter what your method is. Si is hard to overcome, because you have to overcome your preservation instinct which tells you to save yourself at all costs, and your fear of death and the unknown. On first glance it seems like it would be easier to overcome SI by drinking poison rather than do something scary like jump off a tall building. Not really. You would still have to drink the poison knowing what it is and what it will do to you. SI is a psychological block that one has to overcome. You would have to come to the point where you are completely at peace with your death.

For me at least, having N as my method has made my SI stronger, because N isn't a half baked method. I know if I drink it one day, there will be no going back. I also worry that I will panic after I drink the N. I took an OD before, and stupid as it sounds, there is always that moment where you will realize what you just did and panic. There is no going back with N. Even if I did panic and was able to call for help immediately after drinking it, I would still most likely not survive it.

Did you see my full response to you? (My first post towards you). I edited it, so I'm afraid you didn't get a chance to see it since edited posts don't show up again on your notifications.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Oh I see. I was confused because you quoted my post, then talked to me addressing me in third person.

Also, N doesn't cause permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation if you survive it? Am I wrong?

It just depends how much much damage the oxygen deprivation has already did to your brain by the time they put you on life support. But because of N being neuro-protective, people who are found relatively quickly after taking N and manage to survive often don't have much brain damage I've heard. That being said too, if someone was found after a very long time after taking N and somehow managed to survive after being put on life support, they would almost surely be severely brain damaged or would never recover out of a coma. I don't think much else horrifies me more than being stuck in my current postion except at the same time, also being stuck in coma. In my case, SI is only a minor problem compared to my gigantic fear of somehow failing to successfully CTB.

 

[Hercules]

Keep in mind to that similar to SN, N has a neuro-protective effect. You'll be alive for longer when deprived of oxygen if you have N in your system vs. if you didn't have any N. That being said, you'd also need to be put on life support very soon to have a good change of surviving so like others have said, how soon and whether or not you're found is really the critical factor when it comes to death or survival because of how lethal N is.

True, - it's nuero-protective but there is a window of time from when I stopped breathing that I could get brain damage from lack of oxygen., if I was found and revived in that time frame. You can get brain damage if your brain doesn't get enough of oxygen in 2 minutes.

 

[new.solution1]

It just depends how much much damage the oxygen deprivation has already did to your brain by the time they put you on life support. But because of N being neuro-protective, people who are found relatively quickly after taking N and manage to survive often don't have much brain damage I've heard. That being said too, if someone was found after a very long time after taking N and somehow managed to survive after being put on life support, they would almost surely be severely brain damaged or would never recover out of a coma. I don't think much else horrifies me more than being stuck in my current postion except at the same time, also being stuck in coma. In my case, SI is only a minor problem compared to my gigantic fear of somehow failing to successfully CTB.

I don't know about this. I was initially very worried about brain damage too, annoyed another user because of my persistent questions about it, but everything I've seen so far has said that it's not a thing with this method. What you say sounds logically sound, but do you have any sources to back this up, any anecdotal evidence of this ever happening? I've never heard anyone say that this happened before.

True, - it's nuero-protective but there is a window of time from when I stopped breathing that I could get brain damage from lack of oxygen., if I was found and revived in that time frame. You can get brain damage if your brain doesn't get enough of oxygen in 2 minutes.

This (@wanttogetonthebus). From what I see, it's only in this window of time (when respiratory arrest occurs) that is when you suffer brain damage.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I don't know about this. I was initially very worried about brain damage too, annoyed another user because of my persistent questions about it, but everything I've seen so far has said that it's not a thing with this method. What you say sounds logically sound, but do you have any sources to back this up, any anecdotal evidence of this ever happening? I've never heard anyone say that this happened before.

This (@wanttogetonthebus). From what I see, it's only in this window of time (when respiratory arrest occurs) that is when you suffer brain damage.

It's impossible to fully reach the state of irreversible brain death without the cells in your brain becoming injured and then ultimately dying. This is just biology. All methods of CBT rely on causing irreversible brain death through various means which requires the cells to become injured to the point where they irreversibly die. If you interrupt this process, your recovery will depend on the extent of your injury. Brain cells however don't regrow and can't heal, though the brain can often get around this by rewiring and forming new connections among the remaining healthy cells (aka neuroplasticity). Because the goal of all CBT methods is to cause brain death, all methods of failed CTB have the potential to result in brain damage and this is a risk that should be carefully considered and has to be taken. But for those who are worried about brain damage, N is a safer method when compared to the other CBT options.
Also N is not a common method of CBT because it's difficult to acquire. We don't have good scientific data in regards to brain damage resulting from failed N CTB attempts.

 

[Hercules]

What makes you think you most likely would not survive it?

Someone on here was saved after he drank it because he went to his parents.

In response to the rest of what you say, I may be wrong, but I always felt there is a distinction between SI and psychological block. I felt that SI would have to be dealt with methods such as jumping, cutting, because those would trigger a "BASE" instinct (the feeling of falling, the pain, etc.). I remember jumping off a high cliff into water for the first time, and automatically screaming without choice and feeling fear and adrenaline until I hit the water. SI deals with the base instincts, the automatic responses, reflex feelings. But drinking something doesn't trigger those deeper instincts. I feel I am okay with the psychological block, that I don't have any. But hearing people talk about SI on here, and as an all inclusive thing (both psychological block, AND the instinctual thing I just talked about), makes me worry as if I am not aware of some part of me that will kick in. The user TiredHorse who wrote the megathread for exit bag said that it felt as if a different persona kicked in and he couldn't go through with the method.

I remember reading a post that said N outsmarts your SI. I know you must disagree.

I hear what your saying. Even so, wanting to live and avoiding death is a basic human instinct. I don't think that N can outsmart your SI. You would still have to drink the poison knowing that it will kill you. Your SI will tell you that you shouldn't drink poison, and that something bad will happen to you if do. It doesn't matter how much you think you want to die. Your SI will take over and over ride those feelings. Your method doesn't matter. You still have to overcome your fear of death and be completely at peace with dying. When you are staring death in the eye, suddenly life doesn't seem so bad.

My own past experience has been like this. I am completely confident in my decision to ctb. I am certain that I won't be afraid and will go through with it. At the last minute, i am unable to go through with it. No matter how bad things are, a part of me suddenly decides that I want to live. It's like 2 different parts of me are fighting a duel.

 

[new.solution1]

I hear what your saying. Even so, wanting to live and avoiding death is a basic human instinct. I don't think that N can outsmart your SI. You would still have to drink the poison knowing that it will kill you. Your SI will tell you that you shouldn't drink poison, and that something bad will happen to you if do. It doesn't matter how much you think you want to die. Your SI will take over and over ride those feelings. Your method doesn't matter. You still have to overcome your fear of death and be completely at peace with dying. When you are staring death in the eye, suddenly life doesn't seem so bad.

My own past experience has been like this. I am completely confident in my decision to ctb. I am certain that I won't be afraid and will go through with it. At the last minute, i am unable to go through with it. No matter how bad things are, a part of me suddenly decides that I want to live. It's like 2 different parts of me are fighting a duel.

This is why I hope that what they say about everyone is different with SI is true. I don't want to be stuck like that. I read two users on here say that they didn't have SI when they attempted.

 

[Hercules]

This is why I hope that what they say about everyone is different with SI is true. I don't want to be stuck like that. I read two users on here say that they didn't have SI when they attempted.

It's true that everyone is different. I think most members here, found that they have a hard time overcoming their SI which is a lot stronger than they thought it would be. Half of the posts on here are about people complaining about their SI and trying to find a way to overcome it. You won't know how strong your SI is until you looking death in eye. Then your preservation instinct will kick in. You don't really have any control over it.

There is nothing worse than having to get up everyday and feel like you are trapped between life and death. I wouldn't wish that on any one.

 

[nightshade00]

I found this thread because I was wondering about the exact same thing. I have some N that I purchased years ago (from an old seller, so please don't contact me for info). I think that taking the N will be easy, but I'm worried about SI kicking in after I ingest it. That's why I've had such a hard time deciding whether or not I want to go through with N or do something else, like use a gun (which would be instant once I pull the trigger - no time for SI to kick in once I make my decision). I'd much rather choose a clean way to ctb though, instead of something messy and grotesque like using a gun.