SI is so strong…

[emgrl]

Anyone else get an overwhelming sensation of SI out of nowhere?

I'm not even planning on CTB at the moment and I've been feeling so sick and sad all day. The truth is, if anyone asks me "can you do anything to take your mind off things?" my reply is "nothing interests me anymore, it all feels so tedious and pointless".

Nothing keeps my mind off of how trauma can change a person's life in a heartbeat. Nothing eases the anxiety and pain. ♡

 

[Rational man]

Life can be so hard. Yes SI is strong.

 

[Hope:-)]

Nothing keeps my mind off of how trauma can change a person's life in a heartbeat.

I can totally relate. It's like I'm not even a part of the world anymore...I'm perpetually in shock and sad to the point where nothing brings me any happiness because it can't undo what has been done.

And yes, SI out of nowhere! For me it's especially bad in the mornings. I hate when I feel I can't go through with it as it means I will just be stuck here and that feeling is awful

xxx

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Yes. I don't even know what to do with myself

 

[lachrymost]

SI is so ego-dystonic.

The more I research methods the more overwhelming and impossible it seems. So many things can go wrong. For the moment, I've given up on finding a way out.

I'm paying out the ass to get ketamine therapy soon. I don't have much hope it well help for very long. At this point I'm just trying to be thankful if it gives me any escape for any amount of time.

 

[emgrl]

I can totally relate. It's like I'm not even a part of the world anymore...I'm perpetually in shock and sad to the point where nothing brings me any happiness because it can't undo what has been done.

And yes, SI out of nowhere! For me it's especially bad in the mornings. I hate when I feel I can't go through with it as it means I will just be stuck here and that feeling is awful

xxx

I despise mornings… I'm wondering if that's the best time to go, because it's when I'm the most miserable?

It's such an uncomfortable feeling… and I really don't like feeling like I have no control. I wish you weren't experiencing it, too… it's so brutal

xxx

 

[onetapgandhi]

It be like that all the time. Life was shit yesterday but I got plans today that consume like the whole next week and I got a new job but gotta keep the eye on the prize. Gonna CTB. Hope always be pulling me into more and more shit

 

[emgrl]

SI is so ego-dystonic.

The more I research methods the more overwhelming and impossible it seems. So many things can go wrong. For the moment, I've given up on finding a way out.

I'm paying out the ass to get ketamine therapy soon. I don't have much hope it well help for very long. At this point I'm just trying to be thankful if it gives me any escape for any amount of time.

I really hope it works for you! That's amazing, if my trauma wasn't permanent, I'd do the same. Best of luck ♡

It be like that all the time. Life was shit yesterday but I got plans today that consume like the whole next week and I got a new job but gotta keep the eye on the prize. Gonna CTB. Hope always be pulling me into more and more shit

Sounds like things are going really well for you! Wish you wouldn't resist all the good that's happening for you right now. I hope whatever you have planned is amazing ♡

 

[FuneralCry]

Even know we want to leave this world and are tired of everything, we are all programmed to survive. It's one of the things that makes ctb very difficult. It would be ideal to just rest forever without even having to research methods at all. Everything also feels very pointless to me, but yet leaving is not easy and it can certainly be hard to let go of this life. It really can be so dreadful feeling trapped in a life that is just constant suffering with no real relief.

 

[emgrl]

Right now I just feel like being held, being told everything will be ok… but then have this overwhelming sense that I'd feel suffocated, and would want to fight and rip away from that hold.

I really wish us all peace… we all deserve it ♡

 

[noalarms]

I think people tend to have a bias towards suffering in the present. Even thought all of us know that the pain of ctb is incomparable compaired to the pain of existence, it is the immediacy of ctb that prevents us from acting. This is why I will try to focus on the future before I ctb, so the pain and fear I feel will seem less daunting compared to that which lies ahead.

 

[Hope:-)]

SI is so strong for me tonight! It just comes out of nowhere. Mine is always linked to the physical pain I may have to endure. I'm such a wuss...

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm caught between living and dying… People are trying to drag me back out into the world but I don't want to be there… I don't want to be anywhere

 

[emgrl]

SI is so strong for me tonight! It just comes out of nowhere. Mine is always linked to the physical pain I may have to endure. I'm such a wuss...

Won't go away… it's been all day, anxiety level through the roof. I think receiving more and more texts from people concerned about me is messing with me. I'll think about them and all the good times we've had. I'm just so sad, and there's really no cure for that…

 

[Hope:-)]

Won't go away… it's been all day, anxiety level through the roof. I think receiving more and more texts from people concerned about me is messing with me. I'll think about them and all the good times we've had. I'm just so sad, and there's really no cure for that…

Yup...all I want to do is be alone. I hate going out..I literally never do. Now I feel SI is messing with my one route to get out. Today's not been a great day and I'm sorry yours has been so bad too

 

[emgrl]

Yup...all I want to do is be alone. I hate going out..I literally never do. Now I feel SI is messing with my one route to get out. Today's not been a great day and I'm sorry yours has been so bad too

And of course all I hear is "You have to get out, it's not healthy to stay inside all day". I'm well aware of that. Agoraphobia is something no one can understand unless they go through it. Today's been pretty tough, can't eat, can't sleep… I'm a mess today. Hope you find some relief soon

 

[outrider567]

Anyone else get an overwhelming sensation of SI out of nowhere?

I'm not even planning on CTB at the moment and I've been feeling so sick and sad all day. The truth is, if anyone asks me "can you do anything to take your mind off things?" my reply is "nothing interests me anymore, it all feels so tedious and pointless".

Nothing keeps my mind off of how trauma can change a person's life in a heartbeat. Nothing eases the anxiety and pain. ♡

So true--Nothing interests me at all, certainly nothing enough to distract me from being in a nightmare each day