Discussion Should we put in our notes and tell our loved ones about this site?

[Circles]

Just so they don't become vengeful and try to be part of the people who's trying to take this site down? Especially how I'd want them to understand how much this place helped me and that it wasn't no ones fault or decision besides my own. I don't know if I could destroy my phone, but even if I could given my method of choice I feel they'll connect the dots. I don't know how much of a risk there is to be found out or not either. But do you think it's necessary to just tell the truth in your note just so they won't be burdened by revenge and such in case they do find out or do you think it's best to not write or say anything?

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm going to wipe all my devices clean so no one finds out about this place. Maybe they'll connect the dots anyway but I'm not going to make it easy.

 

[yive]

i think it's a bad idea, all these "relatives"/"close ones"/"loved ones" end up looking for someone to blame, instead of respecting your choice & right to die, with rare exceptions

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I spent hours last night pondering this; whether or not I should write a note. First I was vengeful, then angry, then bitter, then sad, then calm. I realized that the people in my life don't need closure. Writing a note for some ridiculous quest for revenge on a world that I won't even be a part of - it's unnecessary. The people in my life that would deserve to know why I did it, already have a pretty strong idea of my motives. I don't need to leave a legacy. It would be best for me to leave quietly.

 

[Samsal112]

Even if you talked this place up to being so great and helpful, they wouldn't see it that way. We see death and life differently than someone who has lost a loved one. They'll see your death as preventable and your life as something to be cherished. There's a documentary on Hulu about a girl going to trial because she coerced her boyfriend into committing suicide. Although she was in the wrong, the parents sought revenge for who they believed was responsible for their son's death. They believed as most people do that without the girl's assistance, he would have gotten better and lived a long life. Evidence showed that the boy was actually depressed because of his family; they were to blame for his suicide tendencies. The mother pretended to not know he was suicidal, but he was on antidepressants and seeing a therapist. The point is that everyone including the parents, public, and prosecutor tried saying that without the girl's persuasion, they boy would have "grown" out of it. The antidepressants were not working and his parents were the ones making him depressed, but they lost their son and went on a rampage of what an evil person the girl was and they pretended like they didn't play a part in any of it. So, if you were to mention this site, your family would come after this site.

 

[demuic]

The type of people who would launch a crusade against this site are the type of people who would ignore the actual thoughts and feelings of the one who committed suicide. They would just see you as being deluded, not in your right mind, a helpless coerced victim, etc, and think that otherwise you would've gone on and lived a long and happy life, as if there aren't millions of people who commit suicide without any knowledge of this website, using methods like hanging and jumping that literally everyone knows about.

I think it's best to leave it out, especially if you think your relatives/loved ones are likely to go on a crusade. At most, you could say something vague like "I've found some people who understand me" but I would stay away from mentioning the name of this website.

 

[_Minsk]

Why should we put this site at risk? I know this site is perfectly legal but the current fixters are enough of an annoyance. I think a note will just do fine, but please no reference to this site.
If you remove the history of your browser, delete all its cache, etc and make a factory reset, it should be fine.
if you make it clear in your note that it was a suicide attempt and no one forced you, there shouldn't be any reasons for authorities to do further investigations like contacting your internet provider or taking your phone (which will be wiped of all data).
edit: i was insensitive, sorry.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

If people want to go digging they can

I wanted to dig through my parents stuff after they died and I found some mildly amusing stuff in the paper documents. There was some hurdle getting into the email and rather than actually get it I thought you know what I don't want to know what kind of messes could be in there

 

[Depressed Cat]

It will have the opposite effect of the desired one. No matter how you mention it, they will simply come to believe that you were doing fine and this is the site that drove you to CTB.

This is how Fixthe26 lynch mob gets more members, and publications like NYT merely drum up the lynch mob. One can understand the legitimate grief of those parents, but their mission to take this site down is driven by completely irrational anger and vengeance. Instead of understanding that their son/daughter was suffering intolerably from within (which would point fingers at themselves as they couldn't understand or didn't care), they get something to put all the blame on and make themselves feel better as victims of a supposedly "sinister" forum.

The anti-choice hordes will never understand why a site like this exists and why it attracts so many members. Their minds are way too indoctrinated about things like life, death and suicide that they will never understand the true meaning of these. They will always act as typical herd animals.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

For me, my family and relatives are literally the reason behind my sufferings and suicide so I will never mention this site ever. But even for someone who have loving and non abusive/narcissistic parents, who deserves to know the truth and not go into revenge path, I believe mentioning anything about this website can most likely backfire in its purpose. Suicide of a family member is traumatic for them even if it is rational and thus in such times they won't see the truth and how much this site helped that person and would most likely look for a collective scapegoat.Plus people are not likely to understand the rationale behind suicide and how much this place actually helps such suicidal people provide a warm and almost the only safe place to talk and discuss. Nonetheless it is always a grey area considering we won't have a say in anything after we are gone. But you can always plan for a future mail or message clearly explaining your thoughts,at a time when they are in a less grief struck emotional space with some risks. Just my opinion

 

[Snake of Eden]

Notes are way overrated about their impact on loved ones as if they are magical things that will finally make them "understand". Telling them about this site is just next level unnecessary. They will feel and act just the way they would if they didnt have a note. It is not like a note will wipe out resentment and shock. It really doesnt do much at all. Suicide is one of the worst thing families will go through and a note wont make that much a difference. How many times did you hear bereaved families be like "Oh but they left a note so everything is much better now "?

 

[miserableforever]

I wouldn't.

 

[Crazy4u]

like others, the answer is no.

I have a very short note to the person who finds me (most likely a cop).

 

[Kristicide]

I'm going to wipe all my devices clean so no one finds out about this place. Maybe they'll connect the dots anyway but I'm not going to make it easy.

100%...and then I'm putting multiple password/verifications just to open my phone. From what I've learned watching many trials on court tv it's becoming harder for law enforcement to get into newer phones with this type of privacy protection. My phone is brand new so it should help. And any paper documents I have at home that I wouldn't want family to see I'll shred and get rid of way before the event.

 

[TooConscious]

People want to be angry and this, being a place of compassion and no threat, is an easy target for that hatred people are to cowardly to target at the right people, or even themselves.
If you look at people for a short while you will find a commonality is to bury the truth when it doesn't suit them.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

There is a TV show here on one of the true crime networks called "Accident, Suicide or Murder." I watched a few episodes but had to stop because every single family insisted that there was no way in hell that their family member would take their own life. Sometimes they were disproved, but they never stopped insisting.

As humans, we tend to look for the things that support our version of events and ignore or sort of rewrite the things that don't. That is the problem with families of members coming here. If they are looking for someone to blame, they will find us as easy prey.

If they are looking for reasons why their loved ones would not have done it otherwise, they will find plenty of that, too. Made a dinner reservation a week from now? See, that person was looking forward to dinner and wanted to live. Never seen that person depressed? Of course they were not depressed or suicidal.

We know that we often hide our difficult feelings from the people we love. We know that a vacation planned months in advance may not matter anymore. We might even know that we've been bending over backward to appear "normal" so that no one will suspect. We know that despair is not always visible. Indeed, many of us have got so good at hiding it - after a lifetime of practice - that no one would suspect.

You, of course, are free to do as you wish. But I wish you'd leave the rest of us out of it. We often say that it's never okay to take someone else with you when you go. Please don't take SS down, too.

 

[looking.glass]

If people want to go digging they can

I wanted to dig through my parents stuff after they died and I found some mildly amusing stuff in the paper documents. There was some hurdle getting into the email and rather than actually get it I thought you know what I don't want to know what kind of messes could be in there

Adding to this - it is not difficult for your heir or even family to get into email, social media accounts, your phone, etc. The difficulty varies, but it's not as hard as you think it is.

All the more reason to wipe everything if you are going through it. Wipe email, wipe computer, get rid of any physical evidence (bottles of whatever you used), receipts, everything that could connect your family and friends to this site, who you bought supplies from, and others who may have known in any way about your plan.

If they don't know about SS, they can't try to shut us down.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Adding to this - it is not difficult for your heir or even family to get into email, social media accounts, your phone, etc. The difficulty varies, but it's not as hard as you think it is.

All the more reason to wipe everything if you are going through it. Wipe email, wipe computer, get rid of any physical evidence (bottles of whatever you used), receipts, everything that could connect your family and friends to this site, who you bought supplies from, and others who may have known in any way about your plan.

If they don't know about SS, they can't try to shut us down.

Yeh I more or less just had to call the email provider and I was told it's my right to access it or something but they had to send me something in the mail and sign back

 

[slushy]

No, no, absolutely no. Even if you try to paint the site in a positive light, your admitting to visiting here will be evidence linking this site to another death by suicide. You would only be providing more fodder for those arguing to take this site down.