Help Do suicide notes provide much “closure” for loved ones?

[Jack25]

I'm not sure if "closure" is the right word to use, maybe relief would be better. I want to think that they do, but I really haven't seen many studies on it.

For once in my life, I truly want to express the way I feel towards the three people close to me. I don't know how honest I want to be and I'm worried that anything remotely harsh in my note will send my loved ones into deeper grief.

I've tried drafting notes before but I always get way too choked up to get decently through the process. Even though it's hard to get through, I feel like it's the least I can do while waiting for the bus. I at least want to leave my loved ones…. something. Just something.

 

[wiggy]

I wouldn't hazard I guess, and unfortunately I don't believe there are any psychological studies on the subject. I think it depends a lot on circumstance.

 

[Keef Girgo]

If you truly care about them and don't hold any ill will towards them, maybe write something providing a reason, and reassuring them that it wasn't their fault. Just so they won't spend the rest of their lives wondering if they could have done something differently to help you.

 

[lack]

definitely would be too circumstantial. in my case, everyone in my life knows exhaustively that i want to ctb and all my reasons for wanting to do so. even in times when im doing better, i really expect nobody would be surprised or confused at all. i expect if it came "out of nowhere" for someone, that having a note would be helpful at least to some degree..

"closure" is so subjective

 

[imOK]

I thought about this a lot and came to no conclusion whatsoever, to be honest. I do believe though the best way to write a suicide note is to be assertive, make a statement that you did this of your own free will, that this is what you wanted and needed. Do not try to convince, do not leave room for argument. I mean, nobody is gonna argue with you (you won't be there) but it might something that might get stuck in their head, they'll question your arguments and start thinking if they could or said have something different. They will most likely regardless, but I think if you very verbosely and accurately state that this is what you wanted and leave no room for argument, it *might* make things easier.

 

[Kbeau]

I'm not sure if "closure" is the right word to use, maybe relief would be better. I want to think that they do, but I really haven't seen many studies on it.

For once in my life, I truly want to express the way I feel towards the three people close to me. I don't know how honest I want to be and I'm worried that anything remotely harsh in my note will send my loved ones into deeper grief.

I've tried drafting notes before but I always get way too choked up to get decently through the process. Even though it's hard to get through, I feel like it's the least I can do while waiting for the bus. I at least want to leave my loved ones…. something. Just something.

My pov is that writing notes is cathartic for the person catching the bus, but I'm not sure if leaving them is so great for the recipient(s).

If you're honest then the recipient has to hear how awful and intolerable your life was which will make them feel so sad to know/realize. Or worse, they will think that they ignored the signs and could/should have done more to help and may feel at least partly responsible.

Of course everyone needs to go the way they want to go but I would definitely be very mindful and careful about the words written in a note and if it's likely to be helpful or hurtful to the recipient - from their perspective, not ours

 

[Johnrio]

One thing about Notes I've thought of is that I try to answer as many questions as I anticipate my loved ones will have. I remember my friend A dying in Feb 2014, and I just had so many questions that will never be answered. Even though I wasn't that close to him at the end (v close in high school, less close a few years later when he died). A lot of my writing has included language trying to reassure everyone that nobody could have saved me; I didn't tell them how bad it was because I didn't want to be saved. They had no reason to know how bad it was, and they had no reason to question themselves. I explicitly shielded them from details they could have known to save me.

I have no idea how these words would land, but it's all I got for the loved ones I will leave behind. I love them so much. I want them to know it's not something they could have saved me from. I'm 32 and have felt this long enough that I accept the fate. (a lot more to that but yeah)

 

[Electra]

Better than leaving in silence and quite literally "ghosting them" lol

 

[Blueberry Panic]

It's better then nothing but either way people who care will be hurt no matter what you do.

 

[silentcicada]

They're definitely too circumstantial. You must also be careful how you word it, as it may do more harm than good. I'm writing in a diary/journal leading up to my CTB date so they can see I've had enough time to think it over and that it wasn't an irrational decision.

 

[22yearsbroken]

I dont think it would privide closure but more of insight into your life and the reasons behind your choice.

 

[Shushua]

I feel like writing notes feels good for the person committing, but for the people receiving the notes its bittersweet. When someone commits and leaves no note, thier loved ones often are dissapointed there isnt a note. They hope for some sort of answer or insight on how the person felt. But, when someone leaves a note it also could make the person reading it upset that you didn't open up to them, or that they didn't help you. In the end its up to you, I've found that no matter what you pick the answer will feel right and wrong.

 

[zwiebel]

My sister died by suicide and the circumstance there is no note is the cause for a lot of extra pain for my parents and me. Any tiny bit of reassurance that she loved us even though we know she did would help. I am often tormented by guilt as is and it completely shattered my trust in my memories of our relationship as sisters. Any words even if it would be a short I love you would be meaningful to me.

I plan on writing letters to my loved ones and friends for this reason.

 

[jifscrater]

I think it can give them "relief" knowing for sure what, why and how things happened. instead of being stuck trying to guess and constantly relive it trying to figure out why/how/if.