Should I warn my parents?

[nomorefight]

My parents know I am depressed but they have no idea how bad it is. They dont know about the self hate, self harm, being suicidal, or having a plan. My therapist knows I have ideation but she doesn't know about my plan. I wonder lately, as I get closer to my date, if I should let my parents know that Im suicidal. I would probably say something vague like "sometimes I am so sad I wish I were dead". I just think then when I finally ctb they arent completely surprised like at least they know something was going on. Im mainly worried about my dads reaction because I think he just has no idea how bad things are and how long it has been going on.

 

[TimeToDie]

Are you looking to get "help" (that means a trip to a mental hospital)? If so, tell them your plan -- in detail. If not, then exercise your right to remain silent.

 

[nomorefight]

Are you looking to get "help" (that means a trip to a mental hospital)? If so, tell them your plan -- in detail. If not, then exercise your right to remain silent.

I dont want help and I especially dont want to go to the hospital. I just want to make sure this isnt completely unexpected to them.

 

[Arbie]

Maybe you just need to let them know your struggling and you really need them to listen...to hear you. I am a mother of a 30 year old, and I promise you, if you don't try to talk to her, if you follow through...your going to kill her too.
I just recently walked away from my entire family, moved across the country where I don't know anyone.
For me, the pain I struggle with is mostly how it's going to affect everyone in my life, for the rest of THEIR lives.
I think, if your even considering talking to your parents...do it, or a close relative you can trust.

 

[Grief]

Yes, you should tell your parents. They probably have no idea of what your are going through. They will still be surprised if you ctb and they will be tormented for the rest of their lives because they didn't grasp the severity of your situation. Sometimes it only becomes clear when it's too late. Tell them that even though you may seem like you're handling your depression at least sometimes, that you really are not and you need their help. Depression is not like an illness that is apparent to your parents like a cold or flu. Depression and suicidal feelings can be insidious. Don't be vague. Tell them how you feel most of the time and be very candid, no matter how uncomfortable it makes anyone feel. It's OK to cry. Tell them you don't know what to do and how you're feeling isn't just going to pass. Let them know you're situation is dire. They may be in total shock, especially if they don't understand depression. If they say they don't know what to do, tell them you need to see someone to whom you can talk with about how you are feeling.

 

[nomorefight]

Maybe you just need to let them know your struggling and you really need them to listen...to hear you. I am a mother of a 30 year old, and I promise you, if you don't try to talk to her, if you follow through...your going to kill her too.
I just recently walked away from my entire family, moved across the country where I don't know anyone.
For me, the pain I struggle with is mostly how it's going to affect everyone in my life, for the rest of THEIR lives.
I think, if your even considering talking to your parents...do it, or a close relative you can trust.

I really don't want to hurt them but there is just no other choice at this point. I dont want them to help or intervene, I just want to warn them so they can prepare.

Yes, you should tell your parents. They probably have no idea of what your are going through. They will still be surprised if you ctb and they will be tormented for the rest of their lives because they didn't grasp the severity of your situation. Sometimes it only becomes clear when it's too late. Tell them that even though you may seem like you're handling your depression at least sometimes, that you really are not and you need their help. Depression is not like an illness that is apparent to your parents like a cold or flu. Depression and suicidal feelings can be insidious. Don't be vague. Tell them how you feel most of the time and be very candid, no matter how uncomfortable it makes anyone feel. It's OK to cry. Tell them you don't know what to do and how you're feeling isn't just going to pass. Let them know you're situation is dire. They may be in total shock, especially if they don't understand depression. If they say they don't know what to do, tell them you need to see someone to whom you can talk with about how you are feeling.

Im scared to tell them because Im scared of them helping.

 

[bacardirum]

You could get a guilt trip, my mother is no longer alive, but when I told her my true feelings one day she was so sad, she spoke to me about how I am a good uncle and how all my nieces and nephews would feel, and my siblings, and to see her cry and hold me made me wish I had not said anything at the time as we cried together. It all depends on yourself, but I do not think it helps if you really want to leave, as others will make you realise how special you are. All the best regardless ;)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

My parents know I am depressed but they have no idea how bad it is. They dont know about the self hate, self harm, being suicidal, or having a plan. My therapist knows I have ideation but she doesn't know about my plan. I wonder lately, as I get closer to my date, if I should let my parents know that Im suicidal. I would probably say something vague like "sometimes I am so sad I wish I were dead". I just think then when I finally ctb they arent completely surprised like at least they know something was going on. Im mainly worried about my dads reaction because I think he just has no idea how bad things are and how long it has been going on.

NO !!! Not unless you want locked up.

I dont want help and I especially dont want to go to the hospital. I just want to make sure this isnt completely unexpected to them.

I don't believe there is a way you could "Let" them know and no be put in a psych ward.

 

[Arbie]

Then no, I mean...they are going to stop you don't you think? Even a perfect stranger would stop you if you warned them you are going to take your life.
The only thing I can think of is a way to send them a message after you are in the location you want to be and tell them it's getting ready to happen
I had to listen to a guy blow his brains out on a voicemail message to his girlfriend...25 years ago and I remember it clear as day.
You said that your dad is going to have a hard time. If you are set on self deliverance regardless of what your parents feel, you shouldn't warn them, chances are they will find a way to stop you.
I mean no disrespectful, but I'm guessing your fairly young? I spent most of my life trying to make my family care that I've been suicidal for most of my life. Did two stints in the hospital. They never changed, never acted like they give a shit, until I moved away last year and have just recently contacted them and begged for some help... no help, told I was sick and needed medication. So I warned them and it makes no difference.
You really need to evaluate your relationships and try to imagine what it might be like for them.
I know that sucks when no one cares about your pain and what you need, but maybe they really have no idea how badly your hurting, sometimes, we as parents...forget our children need something only we can give them.
I say, give them a chance to react to your warning, and you'll know how to move forward.

 

[Aion]

NO !!! Not unless you want locked up.


I don't believe there is a way you could "Let" them know and no be put in a psych ward.

Are you encouraging him/her to ctb? Why do you write with these big red letters?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Are you encouraging him/her to ctb? Why do you write with these big red letters?

I wrote NO as a warning if nomorefight is planning to CTB so he/she wouldn't be locked up. I am NOT telling them they should CTB.

 

[Aion]

I wrote NO as a warning if nomorefight is planning to CTB so he/she wouldn't be locked up. I am NOT telling them they should CTB.

Oh, sure, I understand it. I just think that there's no need to write that way, that's all.

 

[Arbie]

Being locked up isn't the end of the world, I know it's absolutely horrible, I was institutionalized in the 90's in what at the time was for the criminally insane...I was just there because I tried to commit suicide. I wanted nothing more than to die. Life changed and it's 25 years later. I can't imagine not having the experiences and not meeting the people that I've meet since. But I still want to die.
It's simple logic, if you don't want intervention, then don't tell anyone. When your gone, your not going to know a single thing about how it affects anyone. Life will stop for your parents, but within a weeks time, most people have moved on to whatever the next big issue in their life is. Depending on your age, depends on the amount of drama in your life. Young people are busy and have so many different things going on. You will be the center of conversation and until there isn't anything left to say, one of your peers is going to have something happen in their life...and they stop talking about you, your old news...never for your family, but everyone else just moves on. You'll never know the difference.
Is that what is bothering you? Do you need to feel like it's going to matter to someone? I understand that feeling.

 

[nomorefight]

You could get a guilt trip, my mother is no longer alive, but when I told her my true feelings one day she was so sad, she spoke to me about how I am a good uncle and how all my nieces and nephews would feel, and my siblings, and to see her cry and hold me made me wish I had not said anything at the time as we cried together. It all depends on yourself, but I do not think it helps if you really want to leave, as others will make you realise how special you are. All the best regardless ;)

I get that a guilt trip would be them trying to make me feel better, but it would only make me feel worse

Then no, I mean...they are going to stop you don't you think? Even a perfect stranger would stop you if you warned them you are going to take your life.
The only thing I can think of is a way to send them a message after you are in the location you want to be and tell them it's getting ready to happen
I had to listen to a guy blow his brains out on a voicemail message to his girlfriend...25 years ago and I remember it clear as day.
You said that your dad is going to have a hard time. If you are set on self deliverance regardless of what your parents feel, you shouldn't warn them, chances are they will find a way to stop you.
I mean no disrespectful, but I'm guessing your fairly young? I spent most of my life trying to make my family care that I've been suicidal for most of my life. Did two stints in the hospital. They never changed, never acted like they give a shit, until I moved away last year and have just recently contacted them and begged for some help... no help, told I was sick and needed medication. So I warned them and it makes no difference.
You really need to evaluate your relationships and try to imagine what it might be like for them.
I know that sucks when no one cares about your pain and what you need, but maybe they really have no idea how badly your hurting, sometimes, we as parents...forget our children need something only we can give them.
I say, give them a chance to react to your warning, and you'll know how to move forward.

I guess I just want to know how surprised they will be

Being locked up isn't the end of the world, I know it's absolutely horrible, I was institutionalized in the 90's in what at the time was for the criminally insane...I was just there because I tried to commit suicide. I wanted nothing more than to die. Life changed and it's 25 years later. I can't imagine not having the experiences and not meeting the people that I've meet since. But I still want to die.
It's simple logic, if you don't want intervention, then don't tell anyone. When your gone, your not going to know a single thing about how it affects anyone. Life will stop for your parents, but within a weeks time, most people have moved on to whatever the next big issue in their life is. Depending on your age, depends on the amount of drama in your life. Young people are busy and have so many different things going on. You will be the center of conversation and until there isn't anything left to say, one of your peers is going to have something happen in their life...and they stop talking about you, your old news...never for your family, but everyone else just moves on. You'll never know the difference.
Is that what is bothering you? Do you need to feel like it's going to matter to someone? I understand that feeling.

I dont want to be locked up only for it to be 25 years later and still be wanting to die. I can't go another year fighting the urge. I know what its like in those psych wards on the clinician side, I am shadowing in one this summer, and I know it wont help. All it does is stablize the psychotic and criminalize the suicidal

 

[Arbie]

I understand, it's why I don't go now...25 years later with more of an urge than ever. I know they will hold me for 72 hours, I can say all the right things and the overworked and underpaid staff will smile and say I hope you feel better.
This will be finality for me, soon. There are so many things to work out in your mind, for me it's nothing more than getting personal with my SI to make sure I have the willingness to ignore it.

 

[oldgregg187]

I talk about it with my mom from time to time and I can hear the pain in her voice, it's an awful feeling and i can't imagine how much I've hurt her. That it's self makes me depressed. I try to talk about happy stuff but there's no happiness in my life. I started talking about it when family started asking why I wasn't married yet. I feel like such a failure. I never imagined this would be my life when I was young. I'm trapped

 

[jrums]

I talk about it with my mom from time to time and I can hear the pain in her voice, it's an awful feeling and i can't imagine how much I've hurt her. That it's self makes me depressed. I try to talk about happy stuff but there's no happiness in my life. I started talking about it when family started asking why I wasn't married yet. I feel like such a failure. I never imagined this would be my life when I was young. I'm trapped

Same. I'm really trapped because I'm damaged by SSRIs and the brain and body I'm in aren't even mine anymore. It's gone from mental to physiological. I'm 38 and life was shitty before this hit a couple of years ago but now it is truly torture. It's a hopeless situation really. One of the many symptoms I have is no emotions. I'm dead inside but even though only the logic part of my brain works I'm trying to hold on a little longer for my mother. I live with her and always catch myself talking about my suicide. I have SN and she knows it's just a matter of time. Would not talking about it be better for her? Probably yes. Although my dad is more rational and talking to him about it has the desired effect of preparing him as much as possible. But for my mother there is no preparing. Especially because she is such an emotional and loving person. Terrible situation but I'm gonna have to do what I have to. In the meantime just try to give her some more time with me even though I'm basically a lobotomized zombie now.