should i wait to ctb until me and my bf break up?

[stellaburner]

i'm planning to ctb in a couple months, but i'm worried i might seriously mess up my boyfriend. it seems immoral to traumatize someone who cares about me. should i wait to ctb until we break up?

 

[UsagiDrop]

That choice is completely up to you and I can't tell you whether you should or shouldn't. I just want to say that I'm in the same position and I think some other people around here may be as well. When my relationship ends, my plan begins. I can't stand the idea of him being the one to find me and wondering if he could have helped me, so I'm making the decision to wait. But I have a feeling I'll push him away naturally like I do with most other people, so in my mind it's just waiting for the inevitable.

Only you can make the choice of when to do it and whether or not you two should be broken up before, it's a really sensitive issue and I couldn't advise on something I haven't fully figured out yet. The reality is, though, that even if you're broken up when you ctb, the news will still wreck him the same way it's going to wreck everyone who cares about you. Even if you end on bad terms, it will hurt. I've known people who have mourned lovers they weren't with for years when they've passed. But it will, obviously, hurt more for him to lose you while you are together unless he understands your position. Ultimately, I don't know if it's immoral or not. That would depend on who you ask. In general, it sucks to live just for other people's sakes so the waiting feels immoral for me, as I do it, like other people are holding my life hostage. Maybe it's one of those things that's a little wrong on both sides.

I think we're just going to have to be okay with hurting others if we're going to commit to our plans to ctb, and I'm trying my best to make peace with that as well. It's inevitable that those around us will feel pain and we should be understanding to that, too. I wish you luck with everything and I hope that you can find a solution that works for you and makes you feel the most at peace in the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that after all, it's up to you what you should do, suicide is a human right and nobody is obligated to continue existing if they don't wish to. Grief and loss are just an inevitable part of existing here and we all have to die someday even if it makes other people sad. But anyway, it's a completely personal decision, there isn't anything "immoral" about suicide as I believe that continuing to exist is a personal choice, without the option of suicide I see existence as being slavery and imprisonment.

 

[hellispink]

i think if that was me that would postponing my own death just because i need an excuse to keep going. And its ok if thats what we need its not a crime. One needs to do what our heart telling us. If you love him and wanna see if things can get better then all means

 

[seaspray]

I have a similar dilehma and it is just heartbreaking.I need to do what I need to do but know he will be devastated.No words of wisdom,but sending solidarity and empathy.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I would distance myself from him asap if you are going ahead with ctb in the near future.
This will be far less stressful for both of you when your time comes to leave this world.
This is just my own personal opinion, yet I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[lna_]

I'm in the same place as you right now. I'm not sure if it's kinder to break up before to create some distance or if that's like hurting someone twice. Would the suicide then be misinterpreted as being related to the breakup somehow? I'm not sure what I would have preferred if the tables were turned.

I read some threads yesterday about Dignitas/Pegasos, the assisted suicide companies in Switzerland. If you have the funds for it, and think your bf would understand if you explained what you wanted to do, and think you could be eligible, it seems to me to be the best option for going about things with loved ones. They take care of your remains for you as well which is nice. It's just extremely expensive unfortunately.

It sucks that suicide has been regulated so much that there is no accessible way to go about it that isn't going to be traumatic or a burden for loved ones. It's not your fault that it's this way so be kind to yourself and I hope you the best whatever route you choose.

 

[willitpass]

If you distance yourself now, he will wonder if he is doing something wrong while you're alive and blame himself for not doing something sooner when you die. If you don't distance yourself, he will wonder how he missed the signs and blame himself when you die. He will be in pain and blame himself no matter what. There is no way around it. There is no way to ease the pain. Just do what feels best to you because there is no good or correct answer.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

It's very considerate of you to take his feelings into account. Perhaps you should try and end things with him beforehand. He will mourn you either way. I don't fully understand normal attachments though so he may move on shortly after. There's also a chance he may question if there is anything he could've done to stop you.