Should I stop talking to this guy?

[InezSerrano]

I am bad at judging people, this is bad, right?
>He said he doesn't see me as a person, but as an object, but he says he doesn't see most people as people so IDK, maybe this is normal.
>He said he wanted to keep cutting his name into my leg until it scarred.
>He kept asking for pictures of me cutting. (I was clean for like a year and then I started again for him).
>I'm confused about my gender identity and he keeps saying I should let him pick for me, since he knows better.
>Just in general he says I'm dumb and he knows better than me.
>Related, he recently said it would be okay for me to be a guy because he realized there are guys he is attracted to, he then proceeded to send me shotacon. (sexualized anime boys)
>His therapist said I was at risk of him cutting or choking me without consent.

I brought up some of these things and asked him to stop trying to create an extreme powder dynamic, stop trying to influence my identity, and stop telling me he wants to do violent stuff with me (the farthest he's said is wanting to break my arm). He said that I was being delusional and taking everything the wrong way, and if I kept doing it he would stop talking to me. (I think he said that because he knows I have abandonment issues, but at this point the threat doesn't hurt as much because I may be better of without him).

Anyways, are these things bad? I know I have a distorted view of people sometimes, but all the points are factually true.

 

[lostautist]

Yes, everything there sounds bad for you in every way imaginable. I hope he is not here as well.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

Tf? No! Get as far away as possible from that abusive asshole.

 

[InezSerrano]

Tf? No! Get as far away as possible from that abusive asshole.

Well, I don't want to do anything extreme. I might wait until Friday because then I can get advice from my therapist about it. He said in the past though someone telling me to cut myself or saying they want to cut me is probably bad, so I guess maybe I can assume what he would say about this. I just don't want to do something dumb and impulsive.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

Well, I don't want to do anything extreme. I might wait until Friday because then I can get advice from my therapist about it. He said in the past though someone telling me to cut myself or saying they want to cut me is probably bad, so I guess maybe I can assume what he would say about this. I just don't want to do something dumb and impulsive.

If he's telling you to cut yourself, you shouldn't have him in your life.

 

[lostautist]

Well, I don't want to do anything extreme. I might wait until Friday because then I can get advice from my therapist about it. He said in the past though someone telling me to cut myself or saying they want to cut me is probably bad, so I guess maybe I can assume what he would say about this. I just don't want to do something dumb and impulsive.

Each single thing you said was bad enough. The only thing extreme you can do is keep talking to him.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Y-E-S

 

[Foresight]

What in the...?

I think you know. I know you know.

 

[TooConscious]

Yes definitely...
All guys are almost as bad as all women!!!

 

[JinZhin]

Even before I finished reading the first thing off the list...
RUN AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK

 

[InezSerrano]

If he's telling you to cut yourself, you shouldn't have him in your life.

Well he only told me to once, but once I start I have a hard time stopping and every time I cut after that he asked for pictures.

Each single thing you said was bad enough. The only thing extreme you can do is keep talking to him.

Okay, I told him I'm taking a break from talking to him to think about things.

Yes definitely...
All guys are almost as bad as all women!!!

lol what?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

RUN. RUN FAST. RUN FAR.

This is not a person, this is a walking nightmare.

 

[absoluteanimal1]

Definitely stop talking to him. All the things you mentioned are red flags. You don't want to get into an abusive relationship, believe me.

 

[Mixo]

Um, this person sounds sick. Like, legitimately deranged. Please cut this guy off.

 

[Toonloon]

I am bad at judging people, this is bad, right?
>He said he doesn't see me as a person, but as an object, but he says he doesn't see most people as people so IDK, maybe this is normal.
>He said he wanted to keep cutting his name into my leg until it scarred.
>He kept asking for pictures of me cutting. (I was clean for like a year and then I started again for him).
>I'm confused about my gender identity and he keeps saying I should let him pick for me, since he knows better.
>Just in general he says I'm dumb and he knows better than me.
>Related, he recently said it would be okay for me to be a guy because he realized there are guys he is attracted to, he then proceeded to send me shotacon. (sexualized anime boys)
>His therapist said I was at risk of him cutting or choking me without consent.

I brought up some of these things and asked him to stop trying to create an extreme powder dynamic, stop trying to influence my identity, and stop telling me he wants to do violent stuff with me (the farthest he's said is wanting to break my arm). He said that I was being delusional and taking everything the wrong way, and if I kept doing it he would stop talking to me. (I think he said that because he knows I have abandonment issues, but at this point the threat doesn't hurt as much because I may be better of without him).

Anyways, are these things bad? I know I have a distorted view of people sometimes, but all the points are factually true.

drop him. I've been a lifestyle sub/slave for 8 years now. was also a professional submissive for almost 6 years. Lots of read flags. A real Dom understands the sub/slave has all the power in the dynamic and knows CONSENT is #1. Gender identity is 100% your own personal decision to be making not anyone else's ever no matter what dynamic or relationship you get into in life. I am a self harmer too, I cut myself.

I used to fall for people like the guy you described. I learned the hard way to not give them any power or even time of day. They are DANGEROUS predators. You should block him and move on. Nothing that has occurred is your fault at all. The fact is many predators lurk to find vulnerable people. I used to let people abuse me for fun for years with no input for my joy or pleasure. Now I know my say matters MORE than person talking out their ass.

Well he only told me to once, but once I start I have a hard time stopping and every time I cut after that he asked for pictures.

Okay, I told him I'm taking a break from talking to him to think about things.

lol what?

one time is too many for any kind of bad/controlling/abusive behavior.

Well, I don't want to do anything extreme. I might wait until Friday because then I can get advice from my therapist about it. He said in the past though someone telling me to cut myself or saying they want to cut me is probably bad, so I guess maybe I can assume what he would say about this. I just don't want to do something dumb and impulsive.

Your not being dumb and impulsive. Are you into BDSM at all and this why you are with him?

 

[InezSerrano]

drop him. I've been a lifestyle sub/slave for 8 years now. was also a professional submissive for almost 6 years. Lots of read flags. A real Dom understands the sub/slave has all the power in the dynamic and knows CONSENT is #1. Gender identity is 100% your own personal decision to be making not anyone else's ever no matter what dynamic or relationship you get into in life. I am a self harmer too, I cut myself.

I used to fall for people like the guy you described. I learned the hard way to not give them any power or even time of day. They are DANGEROUS predators. You should block him and move on. Nothing that has occurred is your fault at all. The fact is many predators lurk to find vulnerable people. I used to let people abuse me for fun for years with no input for my joy or pleasure. Now I know my say matters MORE than person talking out their ass.

one time is too many for any kind of bad/controlling/abusive behavior.

Your not being dumb and impulsive. Are you into BDSM at all and this why you are with him?

I don't know if I like BDSM, I think I'd prefer normal gentle swx to rough stuff, but i'd be willing to try like pretty extreme stuff. It's hard for me to say what I like, you can read my previous post about my lack of identity. I have a hard time telling where the different between what I like and what other people like is.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Block him and cut him out of your life!
Nothing good will come from this guy!
Run run run and don't look back!

 

[Toonloon]

normaI don't know if I like BDSM, I think I'd prefer normal gentle swx to rough stuff, but i'd be willing to try like pretty extreme stuff. It's hard for me to say what I like, you can read my previous post about my lack of identity. I have a hard time telling where the different between what I like and what other people like is.

I gotcha. I have been in ur shoes before not judging at all. I learned tho it;s better to explore with ppl u trust. If someone only wants to hurt you and do what they want only it's bad. If you have to question if the person is bad or if you should stay away from them than question is yes. Because if you really trusted them you would not be wanting to stay away.

I have been a masochist all my life. I have been beaten to the point I black out from whippings, I have been electroshocked, suffocated, ciggerette put out on my skin, done knife play and I actually loved it all. BUT only because I wanted to try all those things with someone who took the time to talk to me as a person: ask me what I liked for fun, my fav foods, fav shows, my fantasies if any, ect. If you prefer normal sex to rough or kink that's FINE.

If you feel like you are doing something just to be with someone and it's not something you would imagine doing on your own than u prob don't like it.

 

[narval]

Since the first sentence when he says that sees people as objects sounds like psychopath... and get worse. It seems a trully psycopath/sociopath.
Cut all contact with him as fast as possible. Don't think twice and don't bother to hurt any feeling as for sure you're not "hurting" any feeling. Those kind of people are filled with ego, greed and sadism. They don't have a heart to hurt.

 

[Hirokami]

So, at this rate, I am really hoping he doesn't know any personal information about yourself (such as full name and street address). He sounds ... Extremely unhinged. If he has no personal information, then you can safely block all contact with him. However, if he does know who you are and where you live, contact the authorities to tip them off (especially if you feel like you could be in danger) and keep an eye out at all times. Oh, and keep receipts. Rarely would these types go as far as to do anything irl, but it's better safe than sorry. Even then, I would still advise blocking him as you don't deserve this ... At all.

 

[Silenos]

Well, I don't want to do anything extreme.

Oh no, you really do though. This guy is a walking bundle of red flags and the only thing he cares about is controlling you. His gaslighting is off the charts and he appears straight up dangerous. You need to go 100% no contact while you still can.

 

[Grav]

Yep I'll side with everyone who posted. He sounds abusive at best and has the potential to be much worse. Trying to figure out who you are and what you want with his "requests" floating around isn't looking like a good idea.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Run, don't walk. Granted a lot of it sounds like angsty teen edgelord talk, but it would still weird me the fuck out.

 

[StarryStarry]

I am bad at judging people, this is bad, right?
>He said he doesn't see me as a person, but as an object, but he says he doesn't see most people as people so IDK, maybe this is normal.
>He said he wanted to keep cutting his name into my leg until it scarred.
>He kept asking for pictures of me cutting. (I was clean for like a year and then I started again for him).
>I'm confused about my gender identity and he keeps saying I should let him pick for me, since he knows better.
>Just in general he says I'm dumb and he knows better than me.
>Related, he recently said it would be okay for me to be a guy because he realized there are guys he is attracted to, he then proceeded to send me shotacon. (sexualized anime boys)
>His therapist said I was at risk of him cutting or choking me without consent.

I brought up some of these things and asked him to stop trying to create an extreme powder dynamic, stop trying to influence my identity, and stop telling me he wants to do violent stuff with me (the farthest he's said is wanting to break my arm). He said that I was being delusional and taking everything the wrong way, and if I kept doing it he would stop talking to me. (I think he said that because he knows I have abandonment issues, but at this point the threat doesn't hurt as much because I may be better of without him).

Anyways, are these things bad? I know I have a distorted view of people sometimes, but all the points are factually true.

Okay, after reading the second sentence, the answer to your question is DUMP HIM! If you are asking this question, then you have some instinct that is telling you this is not the relationship you want or need. Dump him, move on and find someone who will respect and love you for who you are. Don't waste time on someone who will do nothing but bring you down to make himself feel better.

 

[LADY007]

I am bad at judging people, this is bad, right?
>He said he doesn't see me as a person, but as an object, but he says he doesn't see most people as people so IDK, maybe this is normal.
>He said he wanted to keep cutting his name into my leg until it scarred.
>He kept asking for pictures of me cutting. (I was clean for like a year and then I started again for him).
>I'm confused about my gender identity and he keeps saying I should let him pick for me, since he knows better.
>Just in general he says I'm dumb and he knows better than me.
>Related, he recently said it would be okay for me to be a guy because he realized there are guys he is attracted to, he then proceeded to send me shotacon. (sexualized anime boys)
>His therapist said I was at risk of him cutting or choking me without consent.

I brought up some of these things and asked him to stop trying to create an extreme powder dynamic, stop trying to influence my identity, and stop telling me he wants to do violent stuff with me (the farthest he's said is wanting to break my arm). He said that I was being delusional and taking everything the wrong way, and if I kept doing it he would stop talking to me. (I think he said that because he knows I have abandonment issues, but at this point the threat doesn't hurt as much because I may be better of without him).

Anyways, are these things bad? I know I have a distorted view of people sometimes, but all the points are factually true.

No need to go past the first sentence.....run away...fast!!

 

[xrosex]

100% abusive and does not care about you. If you choose to have him in your life then no doubt he will try destroy you. Be strong, you don't need that type of disturbing person around you, he'll just surround you in darkness and control you to point your too damn afraid do anything …. But if it got that far there'd be a moment when you have the courage to not have anything do with him. I would advise zero contact with this vile individual. Take care and know your worth more xx
It will only get worse xx

 

[InezSerrano]

I gotcha. I have been in ur shoes before not judging at all. I learned tho it;s better to explore with ppl u trust. If someone only wants to hurt you and do what they want only it's bad. If you have to question if the person is bad or if you should stay away from them than question is yes. Because if you really trusted them you would not be wanting to stay away.

I have been a masochist all my life. I have been beaten to the point I black out from whippings, I have been electroshocked, suffocated, ciggerette put out on my skin, done knife play and I actually loved it all. BUT only because I wanted to try all those things with someone who took the time to talk to me as a person: ask me what I liked for fun, my fav foods, fav shows, my fantasies if any, ect. If you prefer normal sex to rough or kink that's FINE.

If you feel like you are doing something just to be with someone and it's not something you would imagine doing on your own than u prob don't like it.

I just don't know what I want. I don't really know if I trust him, when I met up with him I got really strong serial killer vibes, but he didn't end up doing anything horrible to me... IDK, also I feel like I mean I probably have to make some sacrifices in a relationship, since I'm not like really a desirable person.

Since the first sentence when he says that sees people as objects sounds like psychopath... and get worse. It seems a trully psycopath/sociopath.
Cut all contact with him as fast as possible. Don't think twice and don't bother to hurt any feeling as for sure you're not "hurting" any feeling. Those kind of people are filled with ego, greed and sadism. They don't have a heart to hurt.

I just don't know. I guess he might be bad, but I asked him about this again and his answer seemed quite convincing...

Me: Hello
I have been worried that your violent sexual interests mean that talking to you is bad, and my obsession with you created an unhealthy/extreme power dynamic, or may have blinded me to certain things.
My plan would be to talk to my therapist about it on Friday.

The issues is I don't know how accurate I can recount events.
Him: It seems like there is a little confusion here, you have seem to have taken things that I said out of imagination and fantasy as something that I would ever actually ever do. The truth is for lots of reasons, including I would never physically harm you, I would never actually harm you physically. In fact, I was even very upset that you hurt yourself. Given how you react to this, I don't think I should talk to you about fantasies like those.

Oh no, you really do though. This guy is a walking bundle of red flags and the only thing he cares about is controlling you. His gaslighting is off the charts and he appears straight up dangerous. You need to go 100% no contact while you still can.

Yep I'll side with everyone who posted. He sounds abusive at best and has the potential to be much worse. Trying to figure out who you are and what you want with his "requests" floating around isn't looking like a good idea.

Run, don't walk. Granted a lot of it sounds like angsty teen edgelord talk, but it would still weird me the fuck out.

Okay, after reading the second sentence, the answer to your question is DUMP HIM! If you are asking this question, then you have some instinct that is telling you this is not the relationship you want or need. Dump him, move on and find someone who will respect and love you for who you are. Don't waste time on someone who will do nothing but bring you down to make himself feel better.

100% abusive and does not care about you. If you choose to have him in your life then no doubt he will try destroy you. Be strong, you don't need that type of disturbing person around you, he'll just surround you in darkness and control you to point your too damn afraid do anything …. But if it got that far there'd be a moment when you have the courage to not have anything do with him. I would advise zero contact with this vile individual. Take care and know your worth more xx
It will only get worse xx

See above, it just seems like it might have been a misunderstanding.

Block him and cut him out of your life!
Nothing good will come from this guy!
Run run run and don't look back!

I just don't want to do anything too extreme.

 

[NumbItAll]

I just don't know what I want. I don't really know if I trust him, when I met up with him I got really strong serial killer vibes, but he didn't end up doing anything horrible to me... IDK, also I feel like I mean I probably have to make some sacrifices in a relationship, since I'm not like really a desirable person.

I just don't know. I guess he might be bad, but I asked him about this again and his answer seemed quite convincing...

Me: Hello
I have been worried that your violent sexual interests mean that talking to you is bad, and my obsession with you created an unhealthy/extreme power dynamic, or may have blinded me to certain things.
My plan would be to talk to my therapist about it on Friday.

The issues is I don't know how accurate I can recount events.
Him: It seems like there is a little confusion here, you have seem to have taken things that I said out of imagination and fantasy as something that I would ever actually ever do. The truth is for lots of reasons, including I would never physically harm you, I would never actually harm you physically. In fact, I was even very upset that you hurt yourself. Given how you react to this, I don't think I should talk to you about fantasies like those.





See above, it just seems like it might have been a misunderstanding.

I just don't want to do anything too extreme.

This is gaslighting. There was no misunderstanding. The problem is him, not you. Please take everyone's advice and get away from this situation while you still can. It is not a close call.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not familiar with your life story, but it's clear that your mental health is very fragile & that you're doing damage to yourself just by talking to this creep. @InezSerrano

 

[InezSerrano]

This is gaslighting. There was no misunderstanding. The problem is him, not you. Please take everyone's advice and get away from this situation while you still can. It is not a close call.

I guess. I'm going to keep not talking to him, and only start again if my therapist says it's okay.

I'm not familiar with your life story, but it's clear that your mental health is very fragile & that you're doing damage to yourself just by talking to this creep. @InezSerrano

Yeah, a lot of people say this, I just don't know who to trust. Someone I'm talking to rn just said 'you seem very groomable," lol.