Discussion Should I die in these next few years or wait another 10 years?😭😭😭

[LmungNawLumYi]

Should I die in the next few years or wait another 10 years? I think about dying every day, I'm in so much pain every day, I don't know if I can keep going, but I want to see my friend one last time before I die. But she can't come back in the next few years; she moved abroad to study when she was young, and it might be 10 years before she has a chance to come back, at least 7 or 8 years. Should I wait? I'm afraid I won't be able to hold on that long. I'm afraid that in a few years or 10 years, prescription drugs won't be allowed to be sold freely anymore. Right now, in the underdeveloped areas of my country, you can still buy sleeping pills and other prescription drugs, but it's still not allowed in the cities. I currently have 500 benzodiazepine tablets and 500 phenobarbital tablets at home. Some were bought online, and the rest were privately contacted by pharmacies and sent to me. But I'm afraid the government will regulate it in the future, and what if they won't allow me to sell them without a prescription? And it's even more impossible to leave my country. My country doesn't allow ordinary people to leave the country freely, even for tourism, it's very strict. Single women are usually not allowed to go; you can't do it if you don't have money, your education level is too low, you can't do it if you don't have a job or a house. Going to South America costs over 50,000, and going to developed European countries costs over 100,000. Moreover, if it's your first time traveling abroad and you have no travel history, you'll be rejected outright, even without a single missing document. They're afraid people will go abroad and never return; they suspect these people are illegally immigrating under the guise of tourism. Many people have gone abroad and never returned before; things were more lenient before, but now it's extremely strict. Last week, I saw in a book that you could buy medicine abroad, and I was so happy. I thought there was hope, a very good chance. At that time, I had no idea how difficult it was to leave the country. These past two days, I've researched a lot, and I'm completely heartbroken. Where am I going to get that much money? Even if I saved for 10 years, it still wouldn't be allowed. Going abroad and getting a visa is 100 times harder than buying medicine. Even if the policy for traveling abroad becomes more lenient in the future, I'm afraid that in 10 years, neither domestic nor foreign countries will allow the sale of medicine, and then everything will be over. Please tell me, what should I do? What should I choose?
But I'm also afraid my friend will be sad if I die. I only have a few friends, and she's the closest to me. I don't know what to do. Should I die or not? I don't want to suffer my whole life, but I also don't want to make her sad
I don't speak any English at all, so I'm very sorry if I've made any mistakes.

 

[enditplz]

I think that if there's any doubt in your mind, then don't ctb. Secure your method and have it tucked away somewhere and live your life knowing that when you're ready your way out is right there.