Venting Should have done everything they wanted and should have just pretended everything is ok

[ultrasharpy123456]

No questions asked. Should have just done what they wanted and kept my emotions to myself. Never should have made friends, just should have just gone to school and graduated, then when I would have been forced into college I should have just gone there and failed my classes (because that's what would have inevitably happened) or dropped out. All the while I would be working at a job and I'd have enough money to buy a shotgun. Then I would just keep keeping things to myself, keep everything a secret. Should have just never expressed myself. I'm not supposed to express myself, I know that now. Expressing myself hurts people because I hurt people, that's the real me. Never should have shown anyone my true face. Should have just did what they wanted and while everyone thinks it's all fine I'm buying a shotgun (from where? I don't know).

Then I would hide it somewhere, maybe in a forest. Then I would walk with my shotgun and shoot myself when nobody suspects a thing.

Oh and most important I would made ABSOLUTELY sure I would know how to fire the gun and where to fire it.

 

[SVEN]

The true you is always welcome here.

 

[AshClouds]

No questions asked. Should have just done what they wanted and kept my emotions to myself. Never should have made friends, just should have just gone to school and graduated, then when I would have been forced into college I should have just gone there and failed my classes (because that's what would have inevitably happened) or dropped out. All the while I would be working at a job and I'd have enough money to buy a shotgun. Then I would just keep keeping things to myself, keep everything a secret. Should have just never expressed myself. I'm not supposed to express myself, I know that now. Expressing myself hurts people because I hurt people, that's the real me. Never should have shown anyone my true face. Should have just did what they wanted and while everyone thinks it's all fine I'm buying a shotgun (from where? I don't know).

Then I would hide it somewhere, maybe in a forest. Then I would walk with my shotgun and shoot myself when nobody suspects a thing.

Oh and most important I would made ABSOLUTELY sure I would know how to fire the gun and where to fire it.

I feel you, friend. I had negative experiences with "revealing" myself as an adolescent. Hiding my real emotions was one the best decision I ever made. Keeping everyone in the dark about my anxiety, my major depression, and suicidal ideation, especially my suicidal ideation makes sure that my life is a bit easier (I realize the irony behind that statement). I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. All I can do is offer you a virtual hug.