I am buying a gun. I was suppose to buy one last Sunday, but I chickened out. This Saturday I'm buying one from a private seller. I am extremely traumatized, dependent on medications, agoraphobic, have derealization, am asexual, lacking basic adult skills....I have about 9 k free on my credit card and about the same in cash. I cant hold down a job though to save my life. I tried going out west last year, but the depression and fear of my car breaking down kept me inside the entire time. I want to be comfortable the last few days of being alive. I want to work up the courage to pull the trigger. What would you suggest, should I just play it safe and rent a hotel nearby, or take a chance of my car breaking down on the way out west and book an airbnb for the month? I dont know what ill tell my room mates either. If I stay i can forgo the conversation which I know is a pussy way out, but I could just commit and they find out that way. If I leave the will have to know im leaving.
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