Discussion She has bpd, and I have to take all of it.

[lovelulu]

my FP has bpd, as mentioned in previous posts. She always splits on me and its the most hurtful things shes said to me. She make my depression and suicidal tendencies ten times worse. I know she cant help it and I always have to refrain getting mad at her too. Shes always blabbing about how she has bpd and you know she cant control it. Of course I fucking know that—but It dosent make it feel any less worse. For example—yesterday I had a really bad day. I was acting off and she asked what was wrong. At first I said nothing and then she said she knew something eas wrong so I told her. All she fucking said was 'oh'. What the hell? So I left her on seen and replied later. I figured she didnt care so I said sorry. Then she said why did I even respond if I already saw it. maybe because Im attached to you and I cant handle being away but she wouldn't fucking care about that, lol. Then I asked why she even asked what was wrong if that was all she was going to say. And then, of course, now I'm in the wrong and im annoying. I dont know what to do. I feel so shitty.

 

[daruino]

Hugs. That sounds like it's really hurtful and I understand it's taking a toll on you. Am wondering why you are in this relationship when she makes you feel so much worse. It sounds really toxic. You can't excuse everything because of bpd- her only saying 'oh' for example is just insensitive.

 

[lovelulu]

Hugs. That sounds like it's really hurtful and I understand it's taking a toll on you. Am wondering why you are in this relationship when she makes you feel so much worse. It sounds really toxic. You can't excuse everything because of bpd- her only saying 'oh' for example is just insensitive.

Thank you. I'm extremely attached to her and im struggling to detach from her. I know how toxic it is—but I just cant bring myself to leave.

 

[Fresh Soju]

All she fucking said was 'oh'.

Oh man, I've had/have some friends like that and it straight up hurts and pisses me off so much. Like, it always feels like whatever was hurting me just became much, much worse afterwards because of that, lol.
You're not in the fault for feeling hurt about this, and even if she struggles so do you!!! Don't put yourself down and apologize and blame yourself in any way.

Try talking it out if you can, whether on voice or on text if that's easier, like once you're both a bit more "cooled" off from the situation, as right now it'll likely just fan the flames even more.

 

[fadedghost]

my FP has bpd, as mentioned in previous posts. She always splits on me and its the most hurtful things shes said to me. She make my depression and suicidal tendencies ten times worse. I know she cant help it and I always have to refrain getting mad at her too. Shes always blabbing about how she has bpd and you know she cant control it. Of course I fucking know that—but It dosent make it feel any less worse. For example—yesterday I had a really bad day. I was acting off and she asked what was wrong. At first I said nothing and then she said she knew something eas wrong so I told her. All she fucking said was 'oh'. What the hell? So I left her on seen and replied later. I figured she didnt care so I said sorry. Then she said why did I even respond if I already saw it. maybe because Im attached to you and I cant handle being away but she wouldn't fucking care about that, lol. Then I asked why she even asked what was wrong if that was all she was going to say. And then, of course, now I'm in the wrong and im annoying. I dont know what to do. I feel so shitty.

What is FP?

 

[aufrechtm7]

My ex had BPD and we were each others FP but she would split on me all the time too. I never knew how to properly deal with it, so I would just stonewall her all the time whenever it happened. I always figured it was better than getting mad at her or showing some type of response but that didn't work either, I tried to explain to her that I was never actually mad at her and that it was just a personal mechanism for stress but that did nothing for me.

I think the best way to curb the toxicity is to intentionally put distance, but it's SO hard because like you mentioned…it's not their fault and it's kind of unfair.

What is FP?

Favorite person

Oh man, I've had/have some friends like that and it straight up hurts and pisses me off so much. Like, it always feels like whatever was hurting me just became much, much worse afterwards because of that, lol.
You're not in the fault for feeling hurt about this, and even if she struggles so do you!!! Don't put yourself down and apologize and blame yourself in any way.

Try talking it out if you can, whether on voice or on text if that's easier, like once you're both a bit more "cooled" off from the situation, as right now it'll likely just fan the flames even more.

I accidentally yay reacted this when I meant to put a hug react, if you got confused by that just wanted to make this reply. Sorry

 

[MephiticShadow]

I have bpd. And my poor husband would know exactly how you feel. I have done that to him too many times to count. I don't know if your fp is as good at I am at reading people and knowing EXACTLY what will hurt the absolute most in the moment but probably. I've lost all my friends over the years. It only ever took one split to end friendships. And then he has always had to be the one to console me when I'm devastated for hurting him, no matter how much he himself is hurt. I am one of the super lucky ones in that he has never left me. 18 years and counting. Gradually, over the years, it happens less and less and less. It was constantly when we first got together and it has got to the point where I can proudly say now that it only happens once or twice a year and mostly I treat him exactly how he deserves now. With all the love I can possibly express.
I will say this though. I'm not sure how helpful or healthy it is to for people to tell themselves: "well I can't help it I'm mentally ill!" I know technically it's true, but at the same time I don't think it would help anyone ever even try to improve their behaviour. I have never said those words or anything similar. I have always been nothing but remorseful and wanting to do better. I wonder if that's the difference, if that's why I eventually did do better? I don't think I ever would have, if I was always just telling myself I had no choice and that's just how it is.
I don't know food for thought.

 

[lysergamide]

I mean you're obviously suffering from her behaviour. How about you ditch her? Advice from someone with BPD also lmao

 

[Pluto]

 

[XxEstenxX]

but I just cant bring myself to leave.

Its been a few days by now so I dont know if you had left her or not—but I suggest you do, for you and her.

If she is causing you this much pain, then leave, because treating her like a burden is causing her equal or even more pain—and yes, we borderlines can tell no matter how much you try and hide it from us, as our disorder makes us hypervigilant and aware of every little sign of abandonment. In fact, thats probably why she is splitting on you a lot. She can sense the pain youre feeling that she's causing for feelings she cant control, and she's probably thinking you'll abandon her any second because of it.

I say this not to make you feel guilty, but for you and her sake. I've been in too many relationships where my fp couldn't handle me despite me warning them countless times before I got attached to them. It isn't fun for both sides and it never ends well. Good luck, and make sure to have plenty of distractions if you do decide to detach from her.