Story Sharing a story about one of my mental issues.

[Sundry]

Hello, this story may be confusing as I don't remember some of it, I think it gets worse overtime so I apologize for errors as English is not my primary language.


2016 is the time where "Angel" and "Devil" of my mind appeared, which I am still a kid.
Around 2018, I tried to find what disorder I have because people keep mocking my actions and I want to prove them that I am serious when I said there's something wrong about me.
I do not have any money to get a psychiatrist, and I don't want to burden my parents as they already have issues with themselves.

I had self diagnose myself having a DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), most of them laughs or get mad and saying I was faking the diagnosis or a stereotyping it.

I think back 2019, I met someone who actually got diagnosed with DID. I tried to talk and be open with them but they got really offended and saying I was copying their diagnosis.
I was asking for help, I don't mean to offend them but I surely have let myself loose and become toxic.

I ask for help because this, let's say "ego" of mine plans to destroy me, even up til now that I am an adult. It was able to drive me to harming myself now that I was slowly giving in to it.
It manipulates me on deciding good and bad decisions, to provoke me in taking a step forward to life.
It was really helpful, but once it gets triggered it will do its best to destroy someone or myself until it calms down and get it's wrath or hatred to be cooled of.

I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Or if so, I still need a professional.

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

I think I have the same thing. But, for me, I originally 'created' my own 'someone' (I couldn't give her a name) to help me cope. I started talking to her. She gave me some really nice suggestions and stuff and helped me cope. However, around a year ago, we had a fight and I don't really talk with her much anymore. Usually I talk to her in my mind, but sometimes I talk to her outside as well. When my mom heard me talking she thought I was talking to a ghost lol. Just a while ago, a white room formed in my mind. In this white room, that girl was there, as well as someone else. That someone else took over the job from the girl I first created, and now we talk a lot and the girl I first created just reads books and stuff now in the white room.
I don't know if it's DID but I feel like its similar.
If you ever want to talk to me about it, please do!