Set my mind on CTBing and feel like I can’t go back

[intheenditdsntmatr]

Does anyone else feel like now they've started prepping to ctb you can't go back no matter how you feel

 

[FindingVeritas]

I feel this, I can't turn back time to change what happened and i dont think theres anything i can do to improve my situation in a meaningful way. Plus, I'd feel like an idiot if I were to have posted a bunch in here and rehearsed hanging myself to just... not do it. The last time I had this degree of conviction, the only reason I survived was because my mother heard me having a seizure from the overdose and the paramedics revived me in the ambulance (I was furious when I came to)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yep, I can't go back. For me, the only way to go is forward into the bus. There is nowhere else for me to go now

 

[intheenditdsntmatr]

Yep, I can't go back. For me, the only way to go is forward into the bus. There is nowhere else for me to go now

Can I ask if it's not too intrusive how long have you been wanting to catch the bus

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Can I ask if it's not too intrusive how long have you been wanting to catch the bus

I've been wanting to ctb for a few years now. I had the desire to be dead even during my childhood but it was just passive suicidal ideation until earlier this month where I now have some sort of a plan to escape this shitty existence