Constantly thinking about non lethal ways to harm myself and ones that could potentially kill me. I'm strung out on taking Benadryl several times a day, I can take close to 3 grams at one time. I don't want to keep taking these things but I see myself as powerless to avoid wanting or attempting to kill myself. Everyone I know that was a friend or family has totally given up on me and I don't really blame them. I need help and I don't know how to stop. I see my self harming as something I'm obligated to do, due to me and my self loathing. I don't want to live like this, but I feel like I totally deserve the shit life I've lived. I'm stuck between not wanting to live because of the past, and not really seeing reasons to overcome the negative. I don't know where to begin changing all of this... Please, give advice and your opinion on this matter. Anything would help.
rationaltake
I'm rocking it - in another universe
- Sep 28, 2021
- 2,712
Hello. You've been really kind to people on here and I just wanted to say I appreciate your position.
It seems you do want to change things. I so relate to not wanting to live because of the past. And self-loathing.
I found it useful to tell myself that the past can't be changed and to try giving myself a break from going over it all. I know that's easier said than done.
Maybe this is too simple but I'm wondering if a practical plan of things to do would help at all. Things like shopping for good food and making meals and watching films you like. As a start.
Feel free to shoot me down if this post is rubbish.
It seems you do want to change things. I so relate to not wanting to live because of the past. And self-loathing.
I found it useful to tell myself that the past can't be changed and to try giving myself a break from going over it all. I know that's easier said than done.
Maybe this is too simple but I'm wondering if a practical plan of things to do would help at all. Things like shopping for good food and making meals and watching films you like. As a start.
Feel free to shoot me down if this post is rubbish.
You are priceless my friend, thank you for your kindness and patience to read my psychotic rants about my shit life. And you don't judge me for my past or present. Thank you for your understanding
I'm in short supply of people who have my welfare in mind.
We got some editing work to do on life, that's much is certain.
I'm sure you can relateYou are priceless my friend, thank you for your kindness and patience to read my psychotic rants about my shit life. And you don't judge me for my past or present. Thank you for your understanding
I'm in short supply of people who have my welfare in mind.
We got some editing work to do on life, that's much is certain.
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Shadowlord900
Seeker of Darkness
- Sep 29, 2022
- 921
Do you get any kind of pleasure or relief from self-harming? It'll be easier for me to understand what kind of advice to give you if you can tell me.
Sometimes yes, others no. It intensifies the senses, then back to the dull pain that I accept like I owe a suffering debt to the universe for the shit person I am. And after an un disclosed amount of time I suffer and then maybe the universe throws me a little reprieve here and there.
Shadowlord900
Seeker of Darkness
- Sep 29, 2022
- 921
Don't feel like you owe the universe anything. If anything, the universe owes you for bringing you into this existence without your consent. If you have anything in life that makes you happy that you got, go enjoy it. Or if you have a goal you want to achieve that you think is feasibly within reach, go for it.
If you still feel like you have no hope, that's fine too. We'll try to help you in whichever way possible.
Thank you for expressing your offer for help, I definitely will remember. So if you get a 20page message, I tend to colorfully ramble on if unchecked.
Thank you for being friendly to me and expressing for me to expand on quantum mechanics and sim theory at like 7am
you're like only person that I have talked about that field theory stuff. In my last few years I've been acquiring a silent love for mathematics and anything to do with space exploration.Thing that is more funny I've been the worst math student in the entire history of time itself, and my dad was a master machinist. And I pissed him off soooool badly over how horrible I was with it. And about 25 years later I actually have made much improvement in math on my own. I can't hear Dad bitching at me from beyond the grave...."oh so you start applying yourself this far after I died, you little asshole."Thank you for expressing your offer for help, I definitely will remember. So if you get a 20page message, I tend to colorfully ramble on if unchecked.
Thank you for being friendly to me and expressing for me to expand on quantum mechanics and sim theory at like 7am
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This is just simplicity, you will uncover pat's of you that never
Ah yes, I had the 9.5 gf back in my early twenties she was intelligent and witty and very artistic and creative. I ruined true love with being strung out on meth. My god, seeing her picture makes me die inside...
Who knows, not me..
Who knows, not me..
We never lost control and yas face to face with the man that sold the world
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