Venting Self harm?

[sif]

Do anyone else of you use self harm to cope? I cut myself sporadically in intense bursts but then nothing again for months. I remember how I felt when I first ever started self harming and feel like I'm not worthy of even hurting myself, it's hard to describe.

Do you have a specific emotion that triggers you to hurt yourself? The main two for me are anger (or hate) and emptiness. When it's down to emptiness I can usually hold it off a bit because it's easier to make no action at all when I'm empty than to do anything like cut myself, but when I'm angry is usually when I'll smash something and have the perfect opportunity to pick up the shards and go at my arms.Even though I have no intention of showing them to anybody it feels like secret attention seeking, or taking control or "getting my own back" on people who care. Knowing that I'm hurting myself, doing something really fucked up, and knowing that it's completely my right to do and it's one thing people can't take away from me feels so good. I hate my scars, even though they get me sympathy it wasn't worth it and sometimes I feel giving in to the first ever destructive impulse I had was signing my own death sentence.

Do any of you self harm and do any of you feel as weird about it as me???

 

[stellabelle]

It appears that self injury seems to be a coping mechanism for you, and that you do so to feel in control. I can definitely understand this, as I used to cut.

I voted no simply because I haven't in years, and "I used to" was not an option. I have had the urge/desire to cut, but haven't since a trip to the ER and a number of stitches in my arm about seven years ago.

The anger, hatred, and depression are all triggers that give me the urge to cut. When I drink heavily, I often think of Avicii and his suicide, with a broken bottle and have the desire to do the same. Fortunately, it is not a reliable method and I often remind myself of that factor.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I have many many many triggers with some unidentifiable. I cut frequently but its always shallow and I haven't needed a trip to ER yet. I do kinda feel the same about it as @sif. I haveany methods of selfharm though which I use depending on what the urge is fuelled by and what kinda pain I want to feel.

 

[sif]

Thanks for the responses btw, I ended up not cutting at all when I made this which is good maybe? I want to hurt though

 

[NotWorthLiving]

If you do end up cutting or even selfharming in other ways, just try to make sure the wound is clean cause I don't think you wanna deal with infection.

 

[sif]

If you do end up cutting or even selfharming in other ways, just try to make sure the wound is clean cause I don't think you wanna deal with infection.

It's alright, I've got some beefy scars already and never had any infection, I think my natural habits are good enough with it. It sounds dramatic but even if it did get infected or something bad happened I'm not worried about that, I want bad things to happen to me.

 

[sif]

but thank you though, I do appreciate the concern :/

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Lol. I find it funny how I said to keep it clean and all that when I dont. I get told to steralise the blade I use beforehand, not to make multiple cuts with the same thing and to disinfect it afterwards but I don't do any...lol

 

[sif]

Lol. I find it funny how I said to keep it clean and all that when I dont. I get told to steralise the blade I use beforehand, not to make multiple cuts with the same thing and to disinfect it afterwards but I don't do any...lol

lol, I understand, I do the same and it's nice to give nice advice to people even if you can't treat yourself with the same care

 

[GhostedToast]

i used to alot but am trying to stay clean from it currently at 3 months i think. i used to alot when i was feeling down, feeling like i messed up, when i was scared, numb, or just unable to express myself any other way.