Venting Self-harm

[Houkki6404]

Well, i used to scratch myself as a form of self harm, more so with the intention to punish myself instead of just letting out my feelings of sadness or anger .
Recently, I'm getting anger at the smallest things, not being able to answer a form correctly as an example.
And about 2 weeks ago I unconsciously started to punch the wall as a way to let my anger out.
Then yesterday I had a bad chat with my parents 'cause I wasn't really studying hard in my college (cause I don't really se a reason, since the things I "want" to accomplish don't motivate me to keep moving forward and I always think that dying is a fair alternative to all I'm living (didn't tell this last part to them))
Soo I started to punch myself instead of the wall, as feeling the pain makes me calm down.
Did it yesterday before showering and today as soon as I got to class
I'm kinda afraid I won't stop doing this? But at the same time I kinda like it, feeling the pain, seeing the bruises idk, I may be weird

 

[Ash]

I used to do boxing and spending time with a punchbag was incredible. The satisfaction of beating the crap out of something paired with the physical exertion and endorphins... It's a rush like no other. I even taught a nurse and another patient how to use the punchbag correctly when I was on the ward and they both loved it and said it helped. The only reason I stopped in because of an unrelated wrist injury not being able to train with boxing equipment is a huge reason why I self harm (cutting) so badly.

 

[Houkki6404]

I used to do boxing and spending time with a punchbag was incredible. The satisfaction of beating the crap out of something paired with the physical exertion and endorphins... It's a rush like no other. I even taught a nurse and another patient how to use the punchbag correctly when I was on the ward and they both loved it and said it helped. The only reason I stopped in because of an unrelated wrist injury not being able to train with boxing equipment is a huge reason why I self harm (cutting) so badly.

Ooh I see, it must feel incredible!!
It must be a more similar feeling to punching a body instead of punching a wall right?
Sometimes I think of doing a fighting sport like boxing or karate, but I still live with my parents (in my country is more common than you think) and I don't think they would let me do it since it's not a "girly thing"
Either way, it's sad that you lost the ability that was supposed to help you not self harm, it's really sad buddy :((
Wish you the best, you seem like a nice person :D

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I don't think you're weird. I think self harm is very common especially among people who suffer emotionally and struggle to express those emotions.

There are consequences of acting outside of the average; that's my concern. I lived years of shame. Self injury is a behaviour that will escalate

PS: the punchbag is a good idea. Consider channeling your energy that way

 

[Houkki6404]

I don't think you're weird. I think self harm is very common especially among people who suffer emotionally and struggle to express those emotions.

There are consequences of acting outside of the average; that's my concern. I lived years of shame. Self injury is a behaviour that will escalate

PS: the punchbag is a good idea. Consider channeling your energy that way

You're right tho, the weird thing is that I only feel shame when scratching myself, when I punch, I actually feel really badass lmao
It is true though, it probably could escalate but I guess if it actually escalated it would be good for me
Idk, maybe will try to talk to my parents about the punch bag, even my therapist has suggested it, idk just gotta get the courage lmao
Either way, thanks for using your time to chat with me, really appreciate it :)

 

[Jorms_McGander]

You're right tho, the weird thing is that I only feel shame when scratching myself, when I punch, I actually feel really badass lmao
It is true though, it probably could escalate but I guess if it actually escalated it would be good for me
Idk, maybe will try to talk to my parents about the punch bag, even my therapist has suggested it, idk just gotta get the courage lmao
Either way, thanks for using your time to chat with me, really appreciate it :)

Just channel that badass when you go to ask your parents. It's good to have an emotional outlet like that and it's good to turn a negative emotion like anger into a positive one like pride/badass. I think you've stumbled on a really good coping mechanism for yourself! Yay :)

 

[Ash]

Ooh I see, it must feel incredible!!
It must be a more similar feeling to punching a body instead of punching a wall right?
Sometimes I think of doing a fighting sport like boxing or karate, but I still live with my parents (in my country is more common than you think) and I don't think they would let me do it since it's not a "girly thing"
Either way, it's sad that you lost the ability that was supposed to help you not self harm, it's really sad buddy :((
Wish you the best, you seem like a nice person :D

Aww, thank you.

Would it help if you phrased it in terms of self-defence or fitness? And you can do training without competing, which is what some people have a problem with in terms of "fighting" sports. If all else fails, try punching sofa cushions or your pillows. It's more discreet than the walls!

 

[Houkki6404]

Just channel that badass when you go to ask your parents. It's good to have an emotional outlet like that and it's good to turn a negative emotion like anger into a positive one like pride/badass. I think you've stumbled on a really good coping mechanism for yourself! Yay :)

Welp guess i'll try channeling the badass energy lmaooooo
I guess you're right, maybe I've finally found a way to cope that doesn't leave me worse than before!!
Thank you buddy :D

Aww, thank you.

Would it help if you phrased it in terms of self-defence or fitness? And you can do training without competing, which is what some people have a problem with in terms of "fighting" sports. If all else fails, try punching sofa cushions or your pillows. It's more discreet than the walls!

I mean I guess I could try it in terms of self defense then
And yeah sofa cushions are definitely better than the walls, I actually prefer that than the pillows, as they are too soft
It's been fun talking to you and to the other people in this thread, it's like I can actually talk and not have people look at me weird or be overly worried about my well-being
Truly an enhancing experience :D