Self Harm Thread

[waRmblanket]

i first had the idea to sh when i was 13-14, i saw one of my friends and my brother coping w it so i figured it would help that short rough patch. i was using hard plastics bc i didn't have access to a blade. that was till i started using pencil sharpeners, on my forearm.

when i started using sharpeners (14-15), i became severely depressed, but it wasn't very deep, cat scratches. but my brother had the same light scars as me and my mom took it as nothing when he told her. so i knew i wanted to self harm much deeper than he did, so i wasn't invalidated. i then realized my dad had these dorco shaving razors that were really sharp.

after that (15-present), i moved to my thighs bc i knew i could hide scars there while also still being totally normal, since i only wear pants. i then started to move around w the sh. i cut my shoulder, hip, back of my wrist which my watch covers now, and my face, which ended up luckily being lighter scars.

i unfortunately still cope w sh, but i haven't in a little while:)

 

[Zephronic]

I like to strangle and cut myself, it gives me a nice euphoric feeling and helps to cope with life, and I always enjoy looking at the scars.

 

[booplesnoot34]

Finally caved and started cutting again. Using a regular ol' razor blade instead of a boxcutter this time around and the difference is huge. I feel a sense of control in a world out of control, a small victory (the people causing the immense pain and stress would definitely not like if they knew I was doing this, not that I'd ever tell them), and just generally feel good.

 

[Lovey]

Well, seeing recently shared pictures of cutting definitely made me feel scared of getting addicted to it :(

I've always had a preference for burning, been doing it the last couple of years and until a few days ago I thought it was "enough" for me to feel relief. I tried to cut today after almost a decade since the last time I did it, and god it was exhilarating. They were very superficial cuts since I am no expert in using blades of any kind and I didn't want to make a mess (I'm afraid of blood too ngl), but I did like 50 of them between both of my legs.
With burning, I usually use a metallic object and place it on my arms or wrists 3 or 4 times and that seems to do it for me. But this made me feel some type of way and I had to do it several times, Idk

I really hope I don't ever cut to the point of needing stitches, and I think plenty of superficial cuts does the trick for now, hopefully it stays that way

 

[Soulless Angel]

Can't cut so guess this does the same :( So angry at myself

Finally caved and started cutting again. Using a regular ol' razor blade instead of a boxcutter this time around and the difference is huge. I feel a sense of control in a world out of control, a small victory (the people causing the immense pain and stress would definitely not like if they knew I was doing this, not that I'd ever tell them), and just generally feel good.
View attachment 111463View attachment 111464View attachment 111465

fuck dude, how are you doing?

 

[Lucilius]

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it.

So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first}

Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more here?


This is not a thread to encourage self harm, Before you get to that point, please seek help, or talk here so we can talk you out of it!

Body-harm seems a better term. We are not our bodies and learning to overcome their demands, among which the emotional aversion to physical pain, is not a harm done on one's self but rather an important tool for the liberation of the self.

 

[Valky]

Body-harm seems a better term. We are not our bodies and learning to overcome their demands, among which the emotional aversion to physical pain, is not a harm done on one's self but rather an important tool for the liberation of the self.

If we are not our bodies then what are we? And whose bodies is it?
I see where you are coming from tho, don't get me wrong

 

[Lucilius]

If we are not our bodies then what are we? And whose bodies is it?
I see where you are coming from tho, don't get me wrong

We are some information pattern in our brains, though it is unclear what is the level of abstraction in which this "we" is found.
In any case, I wouldn't call cutting or burning some skin some skin here and there "self-harm". No more than I would call scratching a bit of paint off your car "self-harm".

 

[Valky]

We are some information pattern in our brains, though it is unclear what is the level of abstraction in which this "we" is found.
In any case, I wouldn't call cutting or burning some skin some skin here and there "self-harm". No more than I would call scratching a bit of paint off your car "self-harm".

Well, that is because a car is not a living being. We aren't objects. And we aren't just our brain.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Self harming is so cruel.

Body-harm seems a better term. We are not our bodies and learning to overcome their demands, among which the emotional aversion to physical pain, is not a harm done on one's self but rather an important tool for the liberation of the self.

I don't know how self harming could really liberate one self from sth but causing physical pain to decrease psychological pain? The only real liberation is CTB in such a case. Reagrdless any losses. @Lucilius ut Seneca dicit: ".... vindica te tibi ..." but he meant it in a different way, unfortunately, i guess.

 

[Lucilius]

Well, that is because a car is not a living being. We aren't objects. And we aren't just our brain.

We aren't even our brain. We are what our brain is doing and you could speculate this thing could be done by something else, like a computer.

It doesn't matter that the body is alive. Why would it? So are the bacteria living in our gut. We are not our bodies. Our body is this thing involved in sustaining a certain pattern of brain activity and facilitating its interaction with the outside world. It can be useful to us or a prison but it is definitely not us.

 

[Valky]

We aren't even our brain. We are what our brain is doing and you could speculate this thing could be done by something else, like a computer.

It doesn't matter that the body is alive. Why would it? So are the bacteria living in our gut. We are not our bodies. Our body is this thing involved in sustaining a certain pattern of brain activity and facilitating its interaction with the outside world. It can be useful to us or a prison but it is definitely not us.

Interesting stance

 

[kimikatachibana]

first started self harm around when i was 10
now i'm a couple hours clean after being clean for weeks, i'm disappointed but i expected it to end like this i guess

 

[cgrtt.brns]

first started self harm around when i was 10
now i'm a couple hours clean after being clean for weeks, i'm disappointed but i expected it to end like this i guess

being clean for weeks is definitely something you should be proud of. recovering is hard, and it comes with its ups and downs. i know you may be disappointed but the fact you were able to go clean for that long is amazing. doesnt matter how long youve been clean for before, any amount of time is a good step forward. im sorry you felt the need to relapse, how are you doing now? i hope you managed to take care of your wound(s) <3
i just relapsed as well after about a week. its annoying especially, at least for me, when i regain "consciousness" for lack of a better word, and realise i have to take care of more wounds. its like my brain has the fun part of releasing emotions and then i have to take care of the mess it makes :/

 

[kimikatachibana]

being clean for weeks is definitely something you should be proud of. recovering is hard, and it comes with its ups and downs. i know you may be disappointed but the fact you were able to go clean for that long is amazing. doesnt matter how long youve been clean for before, any amount of time is a good step forward. im sorry you felt the need to relapse, how are you doing now? i hope you managed to take care of your wound(s) <3
i just relapsed as well after about a week. its annoying especially, at least for me, when i regain "consciousness" for lack of a better word, and realise i have to take care of more wounds. its like my brain has the fun part of releasing emotions and then i have to take care of the mess it makes

thank you for the message :)
i'm okay now i guess i'm just slipping into old habits, enjoyed the bleeding out on the bathroom floor high but when it ended the regret always starts coming slowly
hope you're doing alright aswell, make sure to clean your wounds well.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

made a fat cut yesterday and i hate the way my fat looks its so gross. i only went that deep bc i wanted it to bleed a lot but it barely bled at all, maybe the deeper i go the less it bleeds idk. was kinda pissed off about that. currently have it taped closed with micropore bc i hate when my scars go hypertrophic its makes me feel disgusting.

 

[Soulless Angel]

first started self harm around when i was 10
now i'm a couple hours clean after being clean for weeks, i'm disappointed but i expected it to end like this i guess

don't be disappointed in a short term failure, be proud of a few weeks success, and strive to add a few hours clean to the success, take small steps, its all we can do when in this place

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i cut again just now and i keep feeling blood drip down my arm but i keep checking and its not bleeding it just stings. idky i always feel blood dripping down my arm after i cut.
i was holding my arm yesterday, not because it hurt just bc thats the way i was standing, and my mum seemed weird about it she asked me why i was holding it and if my arm was hurting but i told her it didnt. she hasnt questioned me like that in years idky shes suddenly being weird about it. im kinda paranoid that she saw my arm when i was asleep and just isnt telling me.

 

[Homulily]

I cut often, my blood is rotten I need to get it all out I need to punish myself by letting it out, I punish myself often whenever I make mistakes or whenever nobody can see.
Before showering I cut my thights, the water of the shower washes the blood off so I don't bleed on anything so nobody knows.
whenever I make a mistake and I cant cut myself I punch my wrists or my thighs a lot. this is only for if I need immediate punishment because sometimes it causes brusing and people ask questions about my arms being covered in bruises.
I wish I didn't need to punish myself but nobody else does it so i do it.
I hope one day i can get with someone who will punish me. one of my ex's use to punish me, she'd make me cut myself and send her pictures when she was mad at me or when I made mistakes.
it felt so special it felt like I was atoning for what i did wrong and they'd be happy and proud of me when I punished myself.
but now I just do it by myself she left me.
She would make me write stuff on my body, she'd make me hit myself or starve myself, I loved that she treated me like I deserved to be treated.
she said it herself, I could be good enough for warm physical affection but I keep making mistakes .

My blood is rotten. I want it out of my body. I hate having it in my body. seeing my blood out of my body makes me feel so relaxed and calm. I had a few nose bleeds the other day and it got all over a white towel, I took photos I like to look at it makes me happy to look at. hopefully one day all my rotten blood will be gone.

edit-
if you've read my other posts, this is not the same ex that i normally talk about. I have a lot of exs.

 

[psp3000]

I have some scars on my calfs and thighs from about a year or so ago and also some recent ones (have been clean for 145 days my goal is 1 year although it's been very difficult as of recent) as in months ago and they haven't faded yet despite me wearing pants and not exposing my legs to sunlight is there anything that's helped anyone fade theirs?

 

[just_so_done]

After a month of being able to hold off the urge, i lost my streak. I just did a bunch of cuts on my leg which is already in rough shape since my coping mechanism has been to punch it multiple times a day. Just when things get so overwhelming and issues with family i just couldn't stop myself. It's like a reminder to me sometimes how fucked up things are in my life. yet more scars to add to this body.

 

[ladylord]

Everyone here has pretty scars,
But mine looks ridiculous and I can never seem to go deep enough.
I really wonder how can I cut deep??.

 

[dimstar]

Everyone here has pretty scars,
But mine looks ridiculous and I can never seem to go deep enough.
I really wonder how can I cut deep??.

I think alot of people here will agree that's not something you should force and is hard to come back from. I get the urge to go deeper but your scars are just as valid okay. Your body will only let you do so much and that's fine. Like any addiction it will progress if you let it. All scars internal or external tell a story and your story is your own, dont compare yourself to others. I'm sure your scars are a beautiful story<3

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Everyone here has pretty scars,
But mine looks ridiculous and I can never seem to go deep enough.
I really wonder how can I cut deep??.

the deeper you go the harder it is to be satisfied and the harder the wounds are to care for. your brain will always tell you its not deep enough. but there is no such thing as "deep enough". self harm is self harm. please dont compare yourself to others. everyone self harms for different reasons and everyone has different pain/satisfaction thresholds. no matter how deep or big or "severe" a wound is, it is still valid. i beg of you to not go deeper, you will only find it harder to be satisfied. please take it from someone who had the same mindset as you, it is not worth it.

 

[psp3000]

it's been 150 days now

it's been difficult every once in a while but I still manage not to give in to the urge or the thoughts about it

I am starting to think that if I were to get to a point where I stop counting my days "clean" that I wouldn't be fully clean because it feels like the urges and thoughts will always be a part of me and will never go away and also because of the other ways I am potentially harming myself without physical injury ( mental stuff )

 

[nanfranci]

the first time i ever self harmed was when i was 14 scratching myself with scissors. i was caught by my mom and had a normal reaction from her (screamed at hysterically, chased around, slapped, hair pulled, and threatened with "i'll do it to you myself") so i didn't do it again for years from fear of whatever she would do if she caught me again.

the next time i did it i was much more serious with the preparations i made. my mom had been institutionalized so she wasn't in the picture so the fear of her loosing her mind on me wasn't an issue. it was an experience that i can't really explain besides before doing it i had been absolutely terrified of blood my whole life and would almost faint just from seeing a small amount.

well to be simple with what i did, i had made what came out of me was Way more then a small amount of blood haha. i wont get too much into details other then i passed out and had a lot of cleaning up to do. but none of that stopped me from doing it countless times after and i always kept choosing the more risky direction from the start even after i learned how risky it was. but regardless it felt so liberating for me.

but it still got more and more severe because i was slowly getting more tolerant from doing it too often. eventually it became nothing like how it used to feel and at the time i was bummed about it. nothing i did was enough for me or made me feel good like it used to the more my depression worsened.

i haven't done it since last year. though i have thought about it of course. but now it feels like the satisfaction is nothing because all i can think about is how dying would feel immeasurably better for me.

 

[psp3000]

I feel like if I were to relapse right now I would not feel anything some days are easier than others and sometimes I don't even think about it although a couple of days ago I struggled a bit

I am unsure why it's just out of the blue maybe I should try to figure out what makes me want to do it

(174 days now)

 

[cgrtt.brns]

I feel like if I were to relapse right now I would not feel anything some days are easier than others and sometimes I don't even think about it although a couple of days ago I struggled a bit

I am unsure why it's just out of the blue maybe I should try to figure out what makes me want to do it

(174 days now)

i completely feel that. its difficult to tell what causes it sometimes. sometimes its bc of something thats happened that caused a lot of anger or anxiety etc. which makes me need to release the emotions, but other times i just fixate on harming myself for no apparent reason, like i just want to do it instead of needing to if that makes sense.
thats amazing that youve been clean for that long. sending hugs if you need them.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

This is going to be the dumbest question but, is there a "tierlist" of SH methods within the community? I want ideas.

 

[Soulless Angel]

This is going to be the dumbest question but, is there a "tierlist" of SH methods within the community? I want ideas.

no, and it's not something we encourage, yes its a way to cope, its our way of dealing with things, but to actually give a list of methods, sorry but no, defo won't be in this thread anyway