Help second thoughts

[waistcoat]

??

i woke up today with just an overwhelming sense of not wanting to die on my chosen day (aug 31st)??

but i don't know why??
i am still depressed, i still don't want to go through september, i still don't want to be alive but i don't want to die??

idk how to explain it. i want to be dead just don't want to go through the process of dying??

guh??

what is going on

 

[gothbird]

That feeling's not strange at all. A bit maddening, maybe, but not strange. You can want to be dead and still feel uneasy about dying. The idea of non existence can be a comfort, but the act of getting there is something else entirely. Even when you're certain, the body has its own instincts. It's wired to hold on, even when the mind's already gone.

Whatever happens next, this moment is yours. Nothing needs to be decided today.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Probably SI? Maybe you would prefer a solution to the problem that makes you suicidal?

Wanting to die isn't a natural behavior there are almost always circumstances that make our lives unbearable and we see no other relief but death despite we don't want to die.

 

[waistcoat]

That feeling's not strange at all. A bit maddening, maybe, but not strange. You can want to be dead and still feel uneasy about dying. The idea of non existence can be a comfort, but the act of getting there is something else entirely. Even when you're certain, the body has its own instincts. It's wired to hold on, even when the mind's already gone.

Whatever happens next, this moment is yours. Nothing needs to be decided today.

hugs, thank you,
i just want the non existence, desperately, i hate being alive :(

Probably SI? Maybe you would prefer a solution to the problem that makes you suicidal?

Wanting to die isn't a natural behavior there are almost always circumstances that make our lives unbearable and we see no other relief but death despite we don't want to die.

i don't really think there is a solution other than death, my problems are mostly my literal incurable mental health issues (my DID)

 

[getoutgirl]

I had those kind of days even when I was at my most suicidal, they happen. they made me want to scream at my brain... just wtf? why are you doing this now? and the lack of answer is pretty annoying yeah
They pass. I was very naive in some of them thinking now eveything was gonna be ok, but you crash down again soon if the reasons are still there. I learned to just enjoy those days, I was usually less depressed in them or at least could enjoy things a bit more. So take that chance if you can today.
Also, they are no cure to suicidality, but they offer a quick glimpse of what life might look like if you weren't suicidal and felt a bit better mentally, even with the problems still there, so you can also gauge if that feels better or worth it next to dying. But remembering the above that is, it's a weird fake lil simulation that shall pass.
or maybe it's just SI. Don't know if you are feeling any better today at all, maybe not even. In that case that just sucks :/
but anyways like others said at least take it easy today <3

 

[waistcoat]

I had those kind of days even when I was at my most suicidal, they happen. they made me want to scream at my brain... just wtf? why are you doing this now? and the lack of answer is pretty annoying yeah
They pass. I was very naive in some of them thinking now eveything was gonna be ok, but you crash down again soon if the reasons are still there. I learned to just enjoy those days, I was usually less depressed in them or at least could enjoy things a bit more. So take that chance if you can today.
Also, they are no cure to suicidality, but they offer a quick glimpse of what life might look like if you weren't suicidal and felt a bit better mentally, even with the problems still there, so you can also gauge if that feels better or worth it next to dying. But remembering the above that is, it's a weird fake lil simulation that shall pass.
or maybe it's just SI. Don't know if you are feeling any better today at all, maybe not even. In that case that just sucks :/
but anyways like others said at least take it easy today <3

i will try enjoy today as much as i can <3 im exploring kyoto with some friends and will be heading to a few shrines to pray, nice relaxing day i suppose thank you

 

[waistcoat]

it was a nice day, and a nice break from day dreaming about suicide, but the thoughts are back and are much stronger than before, almost as if my brain is making up for the break.

64 days~ even that feels too long for me.