catbunny
Member
- Jun 19, 2024
- 41
I have been reading a lot of documentaries about people who have CTB because of school stuff, stress, and anxiety. I feel bad for them since they have to suffer from it. I can tell it is horrible, I have experienced it myself, and it was the lowest point of my life.
I am Asian. And my country's education system is just idk a nightmare. The score is everything and if you feel bad? Who cares? You have mental issues? Ok, and? They don't care as long as your score is high, nothing matters. My dad slapped me once because I performed badly at school, and when I told him I was mentally ill, he:
1. Take out his belt
2. Told me to hang myself with it, in front of him and my mom. They were watching and going like "No you have to do it like this" or "Maybe this thing is not strong enough, we should have something stronger like a rope?"
(in case you don't know, in my area, you have to do an entrance exam to get into a high school. The higher your score, the better you're getting into, a good high school = a higher chance of getting into a good university. So basically, your future pretty much depends on this exam, you are 14 years old).
I remember I was telling my parents about how badly I was worried, also I had overdosed and had just gotten out of the hospital a month ago. My dad said I was an ungrateful bitch and he doesn't want me. My mom just got annoyed because of the hospital bills we have to pay. No one took it seriously, even until now. I also didn't get a good score so I ended up in an average high school, I hated that school so much, and every day in that school felt like "I want to jump off".
Ending up in a school you don't want is probably the worst thing ever. I see a lot of my friends having the best life in high school. I just can't help getting jealous of it since I had the worst time in my high school time, I ended up overdosing, SH, smoking, ... throughout that whole time.
I don't know, my life is still a mess, I can't say I don't blame anything because I do blame that school and the education system because I hate it, and it's just so tiring and exhausting.
My plan A for getting a better life and stuff is falling apart so I will probably CTB soon. I'm just so tired of this life.
I am Asian. And my country's education system is just idk a nightmare. The score is everything and if you feel bad? Who cares? You have mental issues? Ok, and? They don't care as long as your score is high, nothing matters. My dad slapped me once because I performed badly at school, and when I told him I was mentally ill, he:
1. Take out his belt
2. Told me to hang myself with it, in front of him and my mom. They were watching and going like "No you have to do it like this" or "Maybe this thing is not strong enough, we should have something stronger like a rope?"
(in case you don't know, in my area, you have to do an entrance exam to get into a high school. The higher your score, the better you're getting into, a good high school = a higher chance of getting into a good university. So basically, your future pretty much depends on this exam, you are 14 years old).
I remember I was telling my parents about how badly I was worried, also I had overdosed and had just gotten out of the hospital a month ago. My dad said I was an ungrateful bitch and he doesn't want me. My mom just got annoyed because of the hospital bills we have to pay. No one took it seriously, even until now. I also didn't get a good score so I ended up in an average high school, I hated that school so much, and every day in that school felt like "I want to jump off".
Ending up in a school you don't want is probably the worst thing ever. I see a lot of my friends having the best life in high school. I just can't help getting jealous of it since I had the worst time in my high school time, I ended up overdosing, SH, smoking, ... throughout that whole time.
I don't know, my life is still a mess, I can't say I don't blame anything because I do blame that school and the education system because I hate it, and it's just so tiring and exhausting.
My plan A for getting a better life and stuff is falling apart so I will probably CTB soon. I'm just so tired of this life.
