Discussion scared to live

[restingplace]

Is anyone else afraid of living?

One of my biggest reasons to ctb is because I'm scared to live my life and don't want to go through it, I feel more connected to death than I do to living, I don't even feel like I'm living.

I so badly want to be gone but know I have to wait it out until atleast next year.

Anyone else feel similar?

 

[diadem99]

I think I am more numb to life than I am afraid of it. I totally get where you're coming from.

Culture and biased values forced upon us have made this life a living hell. I too have to wait until next year. I wish I lost all my empathy, so I wouldn't have to wait any longer to do it.

I hope we find peace soon.

 

[f1rebender]

yes I feel that, feeling more connected to death than living. im sorry to hear you have to wait, how are you getting through it until then? I don't want to be alive but I have to wait too. its been a peaceful feeling to not care about living anymore though..

 

[bearbrikk]

I totally understand. Up to this in my life, if that is what can happen to a person, I am scarred shitless about the rest of my life. Scarred of the unknown as well as living but I am not ''awake'. I don't feel awake actually. Im making the decisions but I don't remember anything or experience anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I've always had a fear of existing and feeling in such a way is all that makes sense to me, what terrifies me is how this existence could potentially continue for many more decades and I'm still trapped here suffering in this existence.
Existence truly is the most hellish and harmful imposition, I see no benefit to existing as a conscious being in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything. It's horrific how there's no limit as to how much agony one can feel as long as they exist, it's disturbing how there is endless potential to suffer as long as one is enslaved in the decaying flesh prison that is the human body.
Only death can bring me peace personally, I only wish for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep, only ceasing to exist is desirable to me, I've only ever wished to be permanently unaware.

 

[Leiden]

I'm petrified of everything because shit just has progressively gotten worse and worse for me. There is no up, there is only down and down and down. I'm literally fkn scared of everything! Living is TERRIFYING!! There truly is no limit to the amount of suffering that can be experienced and thats excruciatingly scary. I don't feel connected to life what so ever and I only wish to die. I'm tormented by fear and suffering.

 

[sserafim]

I'm also afraid of living. I don't want to have to face reality or become a real adult. I never saw myself adulting. I'm scared to live out adulthood and become independent. I just can't envision myself working and going to a job everyday for the rest of my life. It sounds so draining, boring and depressing. I feel like I wasn't meant to live this long. I should have died when I was younger. I wanted to ctb before graduating college so I would never have to enter the workforce or live out post-college life, but unfortunately, I didn't get around to it. I'm terrified of having to support myself and be on my own. I don't want to have to do this; it makes me scared. It's the main reason why I want to commit suicide. I honestly just want to be taken care of forever

 

[restingplace]

yes I feel that, feeling more connected to death than living. im sorry to hear you have to wait, how are you getting through it until then? I don't want to be alive but I have to wait too. its been a peaceful feeling to not care about living anymore though..

I'm most likely going to ruin myself as much as I can and probably become pretty reckless however there might come a point throughout my journey where I might try live my life to the fullest but it doesn't seem very possible