Venting Scared to die

[ijbolijbol8979]

Hey,
I posted on here a while ago and met a new friend group. They are all so nice and chill, really.
I had a mental breakdown. I went crazy. I felt like I wasn't real, life wasn't real, I kept banging my head on the wall, I kept crying and pulling my hair. I kept crying, and crying…
The friends? Ignored me. My dms were met with silence. I understand your friends aren't your therapists and all, but I met one of them here, and was brought to that friend group, and no one responded to me…. I've been having this feeling of them not caring about me for a while and today just confirmed everything. It hurts me even more the fact that I liked them so fucking much and had a crush on one of the friends. Why didn't they say anything?
I'm so lost. Back to back losing another friend group, my previous one telling me to kill myself. I want to do just that.
I want to die, I want to kill myself, but i'm just so scared of the consequences… what will my dog do? What will my mom do? My sister?
I know if I died those friends wouldn't care.
I should've kept quiet like how I was for so long. I've had these episodes before and never mentioned any of it to them at all until today, and I made a fucking mistake.
I don't know if one of those members will read this post considering they blocked me but i'm sorry.

How do I motivate myself into actually killing myself? I just want it over with. I just want to finally do it. I want to die so bad.

 

[Jadeith]

I know if I died those friends wouldn't care.

Sorry to be blunt but friends that don't care aren't friends. Just my opinion.

How do I motivate myself into actually killing myself?

You don't. Fear of dying is natural survival instinct. A way your body says it still prefers being here than being dead, even if being here is excruciatingly painful. If you still wonder "what if xyz" where "xyz" might be your mom, pet or anything else then it means you care and that alone is enough to keep you there. Whether it's love for them or just a sense of duty, you choose to stay, even if it hurts.

 

[kingfor]

Hey,
I posted on here a while ago and met a new friend group. They are all so nice and chill, really.
I had a mental breakdown. I went crazy. I felt like I wasn't real, life wasn't real, I kept banging my head on the wall, I kept crying and pulling my hair. I kept crying, and crying…
The friends? Ignored me. My dms were met with silence. I understand your friends aren't your therapists and all, but I met one of them here, and was brought to that friend group, and no one responded to me…. I've been having this feeling of them not caring about me for a while and today just confirmed everything. It hurts me even more the fact that I liked them so fucking much and had a crush on one of the friends. Why didn't they say anything?
I'm so lost. Back to back losing another friend group, my previous one telling me to kill myself. I want to do just that.
I want to die, I want to kill myself, but i'm just so scared of the consequences… what will my dog do? What will my mom do? My sister?
I know if I died those friends wouldn't care.
I should've kept quiet like how I was for so long. I've had these episodes before and never mentioned any of it to them at all until today, and I made a fucking mistake.
I don't know if one of those members will read this post considering they blocked me but i'm sorry.

How do I motivate myself into actually killing myself? I just want it over with. I just want to finally do it. I want to die so bad.

You are afraid of death, which is not the state of mind for someone who wants to commit suicide.Friends who don't care about you are not worth committing suicide for. You should adjust your mindset to welcome a better tomorrow.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Sorry to be blunt but friends that don't care aren't friends. Just my opinion.


You don't. Fear of dying is natural survival instinct. A way your body says it still prefers being here than being dead, even if being here is excruciatingly painful. If you still wonder "what if xyz" where "xyz" might be your mom, pet or anything else then it means you care and that alone is enough to keep you there. Whether it's love for them or just a sense of duty, you choose to stay, even if it hurts.

It's really hard, especially since i spent a lot of my time with that friend group. It will just be empty now.

You are afraid of death, which is not the state of mind for someone who wants to commit suicide.Friends who don't care about you are not worth committing suicide for. You should adjust your mindset to welcome a better tomorrow.

How do i adjust my mindset?

 

[finalgoodbye:(]

Hey,
I posted on here a while ago and met a new friend group. They are all so nice and chill, really.
I had a mental breakdown. I went crazy. I felt like I wasn't real, life wasn't real, I kept banging my head on the wall, I kept crying and pulling my hair. I kept crying, and crying…
The friends? Ignored me. My dms were met with silence. I understand your friends aren't your therapists and all, but I met one of them here, and was brought to that friend group, and no one responded to me…. I've been having this feeling of them not caring about me for a while and today just confirmed everything. It hurts me even more the fact that I liked them so fucking much and had a crush on one of the friends. Why didn't they say anything?
I'm so lost. Back to back losing another friend group, my previous one telling me to kill myself. I want to do just that.
I want to die, I want to kill myself, but i'm just so scared of the consequences… what will my dog do? What will my mom do? My sister?
I know if I died those friends wouldn't care.
I should've kept quiet like how I was for so long. I've had these episodes before and never mentioned any of it to them at all until today, and I made a fucking mistake.
I don't know if one of those members will read this post considering they blocked me but i'm sorry.

How do I motivate myself into actually killing myself? I just want it over with. I just want to finally do it. I want to die so bad.

Oh God that sucks I'm sorry you deserve much better than that. You'd think that because you met them from a suicide forum they'd be nice and relate to you about the pain you're going through but I guess some people don't even care. They are not your friends

 

[enjoytheride]

It's really hard, especially since i spent a lot of my time with that friend group. It will just be empty now.

How do i adjust my mindset?

It is true that you will feel empty now. But that is not how things will stay. The world is anything but static. So if you just give yourself the chance to hold on for some time, you will see that soon you will feel differently and opportunities will open up.

Changing your mindset has a lot to do with observation/experience <-> reflection and the capacity to be critical of the fact that you might be too critical of yourself. Talking to more experienced people who mean you well and are willing to understand helps too.

If you have the time, this e-book can also help you see things differently: https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf

Kind regards

 

[Jadeith]

It will just be empty now.

Empty can be filled. It's entirely up to you with what.

How do i adjust my mindset?

Not easy task but i believe you can do it and it's kinda related to this "filling" thing. If you manage to find sth that keeps your mind occupied and brings at least a hint of joy, you will look forward to continue that. Might be a hobby, some kind of art (very useful to pour out emotions), maybe some "better" friends or just one but one that actually cares, might be some local activity - it helped me to help local community. Keeps mind busy and makes you feel needed, even if just a bit.