Venting scared of what happens next

[icecrunch]

as much as i want to ctb, there's a couple of things that make me hesitant including the fear of not knowing what happens after it, I personally wish to be reborn into a better place because I have friends online that I love and many hobbies and interests and i just think there's lots of good things in life but certain conditions stop me from reaching them or enjoying them anymore. i'm so pained that i'll have to eventually leave all those things behind, but I guess it's merely another delusion of mine to believe that i'm guaranteed to another life. but that's not enough to stop me anyway, Most religions and it's believers say that i'm going to hell if I ctb but sometimes I find it really hard to believe because isn't god supposed to be the most merciful and kind being? would he really throw suffering people into even more suffering? wouldn't he look into my pain instead and understand me? even so wouldn't I still go to hell anyway for being a nonbeliever? I don't belong to any religion currently but i do believe that a god or a creator exists somewhere and i find myself desperately praying to them sometimes just to help me or find me another way instead of offing myself. sometimes i even wonder if this god really is a good person? if this god was such a kind person why are they letting so many people like me suffer so much alone and without help and eventually ctb because of their conditions? why do so many horrible people life great and happy lives and i don't? why do criminals get away so many times and their victims are the only ones who get fucked? I resent my current life so so much at the moment and I just wanna live in another body but unfortunately there is no way to do that and the closest thing to that is to ctb that's why i'm here right now. all the possibilites of aftetlife like going to hell/heaven (yes even heaven) or just complete pitch blackness is terrifying to me

 

[Nathan2]

Look is it worth the gamble of not knowing what happens next, we dont know what happens in the next life we cant garauntee its gonna be better then what were going trough now. I try too make my own life here beter instead of ctb. Also if you do try too beter this life id suggest leaving this kind of forum behind. It just makes your resentment grow.

 

[icecrunch]

Look is it worth the gamble of not knowing what happens next, we dont know what happens in the next life we cant garauntee its gonna be better then what were going trough now. I try too make my own life here beter instead of ctb. Also if you do try too beter this life id suggest leaving this kind of forum behind. It just makes your resentment grow.

yes you're right but i really don't think i can handle another year like this. like my main condition is considered sorta rare and specific that is completely out of my control and along with even more side problems it gets overwhelmingly bad that i think i may have been a serial killer in my past life to be here right now lol, i'm aware that i will still have problems even if i live another life but as long as it's not what i have going on rn then i'll deal with them in any way. you're right about being in the forum too i just signed up moments ago and it feels scary and makes me wonder why i had to turn out like this but at the same time it's the perfect place for me to vent because i have nowhere else lol but thank you for responding overall i hope the process of bettering your life will succeed

 

[MrDarkness]

I believe god is a loving caring being, when they see their children arriving at the gates of heaven he awaits them with a hug due to their return home, death shouldn't be feared, I'm kinda nervous when it comes to death, but I can ultimately feel at peace. I hope your able to find peace

 

[icecrunch]

I believe god is a loving caring being, when they see their children arriving at the gates of heaven he awaits them with a hug due to their return home, death shouldn't be feared, I'm kinda nervous when it comes to death, but I can ultimately feel at peace. I hope your able to find peace

me too, despite my suspicions I still believe there is a kind god. i also feel peaceful when i think about my death but the nervousness comes from the process/pain, thank you for the response and i hope ur doing well now

 

[R.E.N.]

I think it's important to differentiate what is a tool to control the masses and actual existential philosophy. Religions condemn 'sinful' acts to hell in order to get its followers to conform to society. I am not necessarily saying religion is false as creator/s and morals do exist as intangible figures at the very least, however, there is no absolute evidence for nor against creation.
Given the indifference of the universe that you know about through 'bad' people living 'good' lives, I find it very unlikely there is any difference in death. You probably either will stop existing or reincarnate randomly which I believe through reason rather than the words of ancestors. I attached an image showing why it is probable to reincarnate.

 

[icecrunch]

I think it's important to differentiate what is a tool to control the masses and actual existential philosophy. Religions condemn 'sinful' acts to hell in order to get its followers to conform to society. I am not necessarily saying religion is false as creator/s and morals do exist as intangible figures at the very least, however, there is no absolute evidence for nor against creation.
Given the indifference of the universe that you know about through 'bad' people living 'good' lives, I find it very unlikely there is any difference in death. You probably either will stop existing or reincarnate randomly which I believe through reason rather than the words of ancestors. I attached an image showing why it is probable to reincarnate

yeahh I do have many critisicms towards religion as well i just find myself worrying about the possibility of me following the wrong thing and get the bad ending lol. I THINK i get what u mean by the diagram after looking at it for some it, the idea of reincarnation also matches my thoughts and makes the most sense to me but i just lack the sources or explanations to back it up, if true it's kinda sad how memories of loved ones will be forgotten as they mourn your previous existance. i'd wish for something to attract me and lead me to them again somehow.thank u so much for thw response do you have any more images like that abt reincarnation by any chance I would like to see them. ur getting my hopes up despite it being just a possibility lol

 

[R.E.N.]

yeahh I do have many critisicms towards religion as well i just find myself worrying about the possibility of me following the wrong thing and get the bad ending lol. I THINK i get what u mean by the diagram after looking at it for some it, the idea of reincarnation also matches my thoughts and makes the most sense to me but i just lack the sources or explanations to back it up, if true it's kinda sad how memories of loved ones will be forgotten as they mourn your previous existance. i'd wish for something to attract me and lead me to them again somehow.thank u so much for thw response do you have any more images like that abt reincarnation by any chance I would like to see them. ur getting my hopes up despite it being just a possibility lol

It's easy to be influenced by fearmongering. Literally is quite a evangelical propaganda tactic, but all you have to do is just not buy it out of paranoia.
Well, if you need proof and additional media, it won't be certain one hundred percent, but you can certainly read up on research that some certified doctors did like Jim Tucker and Ian Stevenson who both specifically studied reincarnation especially in children. I am sure there is also more sources than just those two MD professionals too. Buddhism and Hinduism and Gnosticism are also literally built on reincarnation. If you want, I'm sure you could find good media for it. That's my only non-meme reincarnation image though.
I think that making new connections is kind of beautiful though. Yes, you may not see them right after this incarnation, as both you and them met under such incredible odds. However, with infinity, paths have all the chances to collide. As do the new connections as well.

 

[The anhedonic one]

The concept of suicide as a sin wasn't introduced into Christianity until the sixth century AD.
Suicide as a sin is NEVER mentioned in the bible.
The word Hell is an old English word that means underground.
Please don't be fearful of the lies perpetrated by the man-made religions .

 

[MiraiShisen]

I think it's important to differentiate what is a tool to control the masses and actual existential philosophy. Religions condemn 'sinful' acts to hell in order to get its followers to conform to society. I am not necessarily saying religion is false as creator/s and morals do exist as intangible figures at the very least, however, there is no absolute evidence for nor against creation.
Given the indifference of the universe that you know about through 'bad' people living 'good' lives, I find it very unlikely there is any difference in death. You probably either will stop existing or reincarnate randomly which I believe through reason rather than the words of ancestors. I attached an image showing why it is probable to reincarnate.

This is interesting, I have been thinking the same way, but then there are some maybe disturbing philosophical questions we can conclude from this theory, which is very logic based.

I heard about idea many times that before life there is nothingness and after death another one and thats it, but if this is true then we, at least once, in this "infinite" nothingness existed and lived a life, so if we can live once there is probably good chance we can live more than one life and here we go from there is nothing after death to theory of reincarnation just by logic.

Now it starts to be disturbing or philosophical, if this all is true and there is no heaven or hell after we die (maybe nothingness is actually heaven until we will live new life) Question is , is there any higher inteligence controling what life we will be living? Is it totally random ? Do we live because our souls need to learn and because of that there is progression what life we will live? Or maybe do we choose our lifes? Is so why we are fine choosing life full of pain etc? Is it OK for us and we completely understand that we need to go through this so we choosed it? If we are so wise why learn something at all :D it seem like we already learned a lot to not go though this. There is so many questions that can be asked and it is unpleasant for me. What If I dont wanna live another life? Will I be put here against my will to suffer? I am just afraid of this shit, imagine you are born chicken or any other animals we humans only abuse to gain everything from them and not even care about their well being (at least decent death or conditions) This world is operating on mostly negative acts and emotions for us humans (for universe its probably neutral but we percieve those as bad ones) everything here is so raw, our physiology alone - eat another living being or die. (Kill to Survive) Its so weird that everything need to follow this pattern in order to survive. Aside of death, there is pain which is omnipresent, negative emotions - death of someone you love, depression, sadness, anger , frustration and many more and there are only few good ones like happiness, laugh and maybe love. WHy would anyone wanted to live in place like this when things works in this way. Its weird for me and guess I will find soon because my pain is killing me and I live in misery. Its more haunting to me than death alone, I dont wanna be here against my will at least. But if everyone can choose life then there would be only humans born to millionaires so ..... I dont know this is fucked up world and life is not fair at all and maybe even death is not fair.

 

[LittleAngel]

i don't believe sin = hell. im catholic and this goes against majority interpretation but god will not send you to hell for committing a singular sin, especially since he knows your hardships and loves all equally. Will he judge? Well, he judges everyone in the end, but you will not be sent to hell because you are struggling -a devoted catholic

modern day catholicism has a bunch of shams not in the og bible, and some of it *is* just to scare us. Pro-lifers will do anything to keep us suffering. Nonetheles, I wish you well in your journey and hope this gives you some peace.

 

[icecrunch]

It's easy to be influenced by fearmongering. Literally is quite a evangelical propaganda tactic, but all you have to do is just not buy it out of paranoia.
Well, if you need proof and additional media, it won't be certain one hundred percent, but you can certainly read up on research that some certified doctors did like Jim Tucker and Ian Stevenson who both specifically studied reincarnation especially in children. I am sure there is also more sources than just those two MD professionals too. Buddhism and Hinduism and Gnosticism are also literally built on reincarnation. If you want, I'm sure you could find good media for it. That's my only non-meme reincarnation image though.
I think that making new connections is kind of beautiful though. Yes, you may not see them right after this incarnation, as both you and them met under such incredible odds. However, with infinity, paths have all the chances to collide. As do the new connections as well.

thank you so much

 

[colorlesshue]

i'm really sorry you feel like this right now, i'm a theology student and I can promise you that you will not go to hell if you commit suicide. it's never even said in the catholic bible that you'll go to hell if you commit suicide, it was just a bunch of blasphemy and a misunderstanding of Judas's suicide. I'm really sorry you've been fed these lies.

 

[icecrunch]

The concept of suicide as a sin wasn't introduced into Christianity until the sixth century AD.
Suicide as a sin is NEVER mentioned in the bible.
The word Hell is an old English word that means underground.
Please don't be fearful of the lies perpetrated by the man-made religions .

thank you though I live in an environment that follows islam which i think is one of it the most "convincing" religions out there and used to follow it and over there it's a major sin that denies you heaven, but ig it doesn't really matter to me anymore since i don't believe in that kinda stuff anymore lol i'm just overthinking the possibilites of it being the "true religion"

 

[The anhedonic one]

thank you though I live in an environment that follows islam which i think is one of it the most "convincing" religions out there and used to follow it and over there it's a major sin that denies you heaven, but ig it doesn't really matter to me anymore since i don't believe in that kinda stuff anymore lol i'm just overthinking the possibilites of it being the "true religion"

Islam is an offshoot of the Abrahamic Christian religion. I used to be a believer too until I realised I was being lied to.
I'm glad you have woken up to the fact that all religions are man-made control systems.

 

[icecrunch]

i'm really sorry you feel like this right now, i'm a theology student and I can promise you that you will not go to hell if you commit suicide. it's never even said in the catholic bible that you'll go to hell if you commit suicide, it was just a bunch of blasphemy and a misunderstanding of Judas's suicide. I'm really sorry you've been fed these lies.

ohh tysm but i'm raised in a muslim environement lol there is clear evidence that suicide is a one way ticke to hell that's why i'm nervous because i grew up taking religion lessons and there are a lot of times where my teachers would explain how you would be tortured in hell, even tho i don't believe in that stuff anymore it's still considered one of the most "convincing" religions or the "true" one and my teachers words still stick with me lol so i'm worrying about the possibility thank you for the response

 

[MiraiShisen]

ohh tysm but i'm raised in a muslim environement lol there is clear evidence that suicide is a one way ticke to hell that's why i'm nervous because i grew up taking religion lessons and there are a lot of times where my teachers would explain how you would be tortured in hell, even tho i don't believe in that stuff anymore it's still considered one of the most "convincing" religions or the "true" one and my teachers words still stick with me lol so i'm worrying about the possibility thank you for the response

Well religion is based on fear and you clearly are victim of it, when I was child I had to learn about christianity and all I was hearing from adults was everything is sin, fear of hell, fear of even doubt there is god (its like one of 10 commandment) it is so stupid you can clearly see that something that imperfect only can be made by humans. Dont take this shit serious my dude, we are all same even animals are equal to us, we just have better brains to think about this things. Everything is equal and I doubt that lion will go to hell because he killed gazelle its just natural order of things. In nature even animals commit "suicide" maybe out of fear because predator is chasing them or by accident but do they go to hell because of that? How about dying because of alcohol/drug overdose is that suicide or accident? Religion is trash that held progression of humans for 1000 years and in the name of god was killed so many people than in any other reason. So you can clearly see though bullshit, those people dont mind killing other in the name of the god how can they be so hypocrites and preach that you will go to hell because you have enough of suffering? How about them.. wish you all good

 

[icecrunch]

Well religion is based on fear and you clearly are victim of it, when I was child I had to learn about christianity and all I was hearing from adults was everything is sin, fear of hell, fear of even doubt there is god (its like one of 10 commandment) it is so stupid you can clearly see that something that imperfect only can be made by humans. Dont take this shit serious my dude, we are all same even animals are equal to us, we just have better brains to think about this things. Everything is equal and I doubt that lion will go to hell because he killed gazelle its just natural order of things. In nature even animals commit "suicide" maybe out of fear because predator is chasing them or by accident but do they go to hell because of that? How about dying because of alcohol/drug overdose is that suicide or accident? Religion is trash that held progression of humans for 1000 years and in the name of god was killed so many people than in any other reason. So you can clearly see though bullshit, those people dont mind killing other in the name of the god how can they be so hypocrites and preach that you will go to hell because you have enough of suffering? How about them.. wish you all good

true, in my lifetime i've seen the most disturbing words and behavior from religious people and there's actually so many of them it's kinda scary they use their religion as an excuse to be discriminatory and hateful, and yet they act like they're soo smart and superior compared to others or have some kind or "purity"it's unfortunate that any kind of criticism against them is controversial in most places even though something needs to be said. It's funny because if you go off of the things their religion preaches 90% of them are going to hell lol

 

[MiraiShisen]

true, in my lifetime i've seen the most disturbing words and behavior from religious people and there's actually so many of them it's kinda scary they use their religion as an excuse to be discriminatory and hateful, and yet they act like they're soo smart and superior compared to others or have some kind or "purity"it's unfortunate that any kind of criticism against them is controversial in most places even though something needs to be said. It's funny because if you go off of the things their religion preaches 90% of them are going to hell lol

exactly, its just charade, circus... fantasy story... I know better fantasy... its is called Lord of the rings and I actually like it... it does not force me to do anything or fear of anything it gives me hope that good eventually win against evil and I kinda enjoyed it so for me it can be more religious than bible or any other "holy" book

 

[FuneralCry]

I just personally think we completely cease to exist, I only fear this horrible world, instead death comforts me as I believe it to be the permanent relief from all suffering. The only hell is this existence, I just think that anything related to religion is fictional, but anyway I would never fear death itself, as after all death is the most normal thing, we are destined for nothing but to finally die.

 

[R.E.N.]

This is interesting, I have been thinking the same way, but then there are some maybe disturbing philosophical questions we can conclude from this theory, which is very logic based.

I heard about idea many times that before life there is nothingness and after death another one and thats it, but if this is true then we, at least once, in this "infinite" nothingness existed and lived a life, so if we can live once there is probably good chance we can live more than one life and here we go from there is nothing after death to theory of reincarnation just by logic.

Definitely. It is more probability based rather than spiritual. I have showed many people this graph, and they always come to mention souls or how brain death annihilates the conscious. The diagram is not trying to explain everything; it exists just to point out that if you lived once, it is likely to live again with infinite time in nonexistence (and that a life in say 999 gorillion years would feel instant after this one). No mention of a soul or karmic system, just probability. To me, this feels akin to thoughts about the existence of aliens. There is no evidence to whether they exist in any capacity, but it is pretty obvious and probable that they do exist.

Now it starts to be disturbing or philosophical, if this all is true and there is no heaven or hell after we die (maybe nothingness is actually heaven until we will live new life) Question is , is there any higher inteligence controling what life we will be living? Is it totally random ? Do we live because our souls need to learn and because of that there is progression what life we will live? Or maybe do we choose our lifes? Is so why we are fine choosing life full of pain etc? Is it OK for us and we completely understand that we need to go through this so we choosed it? If we are so wise why learn something at all :D it seem like we already learned a lot to not go though this. There is so many questions that can be asked and it is unpleasant for me. What If I dont wanna live another life? Will I be put here against my will to suffer? I am just afraid of this shit, imagine you are born chicken or any other animals we humans only abuse to gain everything from them and not even care about their well being (at least decent death or conditions) This world is operating on mostly negative acts and emotions for us humans (for universe its probably neutral but we percieve those as bad ones) everything here is so raw, our physiology alone - eat another living being or die. (Kill to Survive) Its so weird that everything need to follow this pattern in order to survive. Aside of death, there is pain which is omnipresent, negative emotions - death of someone you love, depression, sadness, anger , frustration and many more and there are only few good ones like happiness, laugh and maybe love. WHy would anyone wanted to live in place like this when things works in this way. Its weird for me and guess I will find soon because my pain is killing me and I live in misery. Its more haunting to me than death alone, I dont wanna be here against my will at least. But if everyone can choose life then there would be only humans born to millionaires so ..... I dont know this is fucked up world and life is not fair at all and maybe even death is not fair.

I have thought about this a lot while going through my daily life. In my perspective, I feel the universe is indifferent and is ruled by random chance. Life sprung on Earth through fine tuning that occurred through sheer odds of countless collisions, and, likewise, reincarnation most likely is also random in that sense too. A higher intelligence of course controlling us in a simulation would change everything, but then that becomes the same as religious structure as that power can just put us in a simulative hell or heaven too after death. However, with the idea of simulation, it is also probable that reincarnation there would be RNG as conscious and our "AI" algorithm would likely be reused as an asset in other organisms, maybe even at the same time.
You mention why anyone would want to live in this place. I feel there simply is no inherent reason. Everyone here was born without consent, only due to sheer luck. Samsara is perpetual continuation of consciousness and experience, and it is full of suffering. It especially feels so daunting that there is nothing to be gained and developed, however, that comes down to nihilism and absurdism. People also question on how to escape. That also comes down to religion and whether you trust their path to nirvana/moksha/heaven.
If it's any consolation though, infinite experience means so much more than just those negative feelings. Yes, humans do feel bad often with how we are designed, but not necessarily all experience would be in that vessel or even on Earth. Suffering is a result of the brain, and that is likely not to be the case with every being, even those sentient and conscious.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

There can't be a god. Firstly there's absolutely no evidence for one. Second, if there were an all powerful being, I don't think he would be so stupid or callous to create so much suffering in the world. There is no afterlife, no heaven, no hell, I'm sure of it. Science tells us there's zero evidence for it. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. It's much more likely life ends how it started. With non-existence. And I'm happy with that. What I'm not happy with is having to suffer until I die

 

[MiraiShisen]

I have thought about this a lot while going through my daily life. In my perspective, I feel the universe is indifferent and is ruled by random chance. Life sprung on Earth through fine tuning that occurred through sheer odds of countless collisions, and, likewise, reincarnation most likely is also random in that sense too. A higher intelligence of course controlling us in a simulation would change everything, but then that becomes the same as religious structure as that power can just put us in a simulative hell or heaven too after death. However, with the idea of simulation, it is also probable that reincarnation there would be RNG as conscious and our "AI" algorithm would likely be reused as an asset in other organisms, maybe even at the same time.
You mention why anyone would want to live in this place. I feel there simply is no inherent reason. Everyone here was born without consent, only due to sheer luck. Samsara is perpetual continuation of consciousness and experience, and it is full of suffering. It especially feels so daunting that there is nothing to be gained and developed, however, that comes down to nihilism and absurdism. People also question on how to escape. That also comes down to religion and whether you trust their path to nirvana/moksha/heaven.
If it's any consolation though, infinite experience means so much more than just those negative feelings. Yes, humans do feel bad often with how we are designed, but not necessarily all experience would be in that vessel or even on Earth. Suffering is a result of the brain, and that is likely not to be the case with every being, even those sentient and conscious.

You seem to be ok with that but I agree with what you said, it could be random, if we think about it, it makes sense, but I just need to have reason for this suffering, there must be something bigger than us I just dont wanna believe that all of this for nothing.

Maybe we dont know all the variables universe work with, there is also theory of predeterminism which claims all the past and future events ale already destinated which means universe do not operate with "RNG" but with actuall rules and physical laws we maybe dont fully understand, but I dont really know. I just dont wanna accept that this all life is fucking crap and do not matter at all, actually universe will suport life only fraction of it whole existence. SO this shit will only exist for several trillions of years until there wont be any stars or everything will be devoured by black holes. I just dont get this existence thats all.

 

[FrostedHoax]

Whatever you do, ignore the people who try to force their pro-life views and talk about people who commit suicide going to hell or purgatory or whatever. For whatever reason, alot of the new age spirituality people seem really fond of this idea except that they frame it in a different way. They say things along the lines of not learning the lessons you needed to in this life and then having to live another, similar life to learn those lessons. In other words, they believe that a person who is born in this world with all of its suffering and tragedy and checks out early because of a tremendous amount of suffering deserves to go through the same cycle over and over again.

If there is a life after this one, I'd like to believe that someone who suffers so much in this life as to kill themselves to get there will be met with care and compassion on the other side. This, of course, depends on the person's reasons and not every suicide would be seen as sympathetic. For instance, Hitler killed himself to escape being prosecuted for the atrocities that he committed but something tells me that no one on the other side, if there is one, is gonna be all that eager to be compassionate towards his soul.

 

[R.E.N.]

You seem to be ok with that but I agree with what you said, it could be random, if we think about it, it makes sense, but I just need to have reason for this suffering, there must be something bigger than us I just dont wanna believe that all of this for nothing.

Maybe we dont know all the variables universe work with, there is also theory of predeterminism which claims all the past and future events ale already destinated which means universe do not operate with "RNG" but with actuall rules and physical laws we maybe dont fully understand, but I dont really know. I just dont wanna accept that this all life is fucking crap and do not matter at all, actually universe will suport life only fraction of it whole existence. SO this shit will only exist for several trillions of years until there wont be any stars or everything will be devoured by black holes. I just dont get this existence thats all.

I am content with it surprisingly I realize now. Meaninglessness does not really bother me. I understand wanting to have gained something by having endured this suffering, but I wouldn't place trust in anything that is an extension of human ego like being made to fulfill a purpose that only our conscious or vessel can achieve. It basically relies on hope rather than what is more likely. Occam's razor—the simplicity of everything being RNG. About predeterminism, that is like Laplace's demon which has been disproved by physics actually, but that would definitely make the struggle of life so simple. It's only a trillion years!!