Scared of potential pain with SN

[gwanath]

I'm ready to go. Everything is ready. All that's left is for me to weigh out the SN and make the mix.

But I'm so afraid of being in pain. I've read some reassuring accounts, but I'm terrified of it going wrong.

I need to make a choice.

My country allows for euthanasia but considering my age and my illness (physical, not psychological), I have strong reasons to believe I will be denied.

I'm also hungry for some cheese I have leftover in the fridge. Everything sucks.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I understand your fear. I just tell myself if I can endure whatever unpleasantness comes up, then I never have to experience such feelings again.

I would have thought having a mental illness as opposed to a physical one would make them less inclined to approve you rather than more.

 

[gwanath]

I understand your fear. I just tell myself if I can endure whatever unpleasantness comes up, then I never have to experience such feelings again.

I would have thought having a mental illness as opposed to a physical one would make them less inclined to approve you rather than more.

But what if I cannot endure and I have to go through something much worse? The consequences of me failing would be terrible. And unfortunately my condition is not one recognized as "valid" enough to pursue euthanasia, since the potential of improvement (not cure) exists. But I have gone through the treatments, and I find that I do not have the strength to do this for the rest of my life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

But what if I cannot endure and I have to go through something much worse? The consequences of me failing would be terrible. And unfortunately my condition is not one recognized as "valid" enough to pursue euthanasia, since the potential of improvement (not cure) exists. But I have gone through the treatments, and I find that I do not have the strength to do this for the rest of my life.

I don't know. It's impossible to exactly predict what your reaction to be and the only way to know to go through it, unfortunately. It might be worth it to take some time mentally sterling for if.

 

[Shadowlord900]

If you're able to get them, have you considered taking benzos before taking SN? They may help calm you enough to go through with CTBing with SN. It's definitely something I'd recommend looking through below if you do want to go through with this idea:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/search/1014053/?q=sn+benzo&o=relevance

 

[gwanath]

If you're able to get them, have you considered taking benzos before taking SN? They may help calm you enough to go through with CTBing with SN. It's definitely something I'd recommend looking through below if you do want to go through with this idea:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/search/1014053/?q=sn+benzo&o=relevance

I've definitely thought about it and am sure they would be very helpful, but I have a really difficult time at the doctor's office. But thank you for the suggestion.
I will be postponing for today and attempting later this week. I'm happy to know that, so far, my only fear is the potential for pain. I will see how I can handle this, but I am obviously not ready to commit further at the moment.

Thank you for your help. I will be eating some cheese now.

 

[Judy Garland]

I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of getting a bad stomach ache from the SN and I'm afraid of going through what other failed experiences went through. I know I won't call for help, but death sounds too good to be true, like it's out of my reach. I have my SN and have had it for several months but my brain tells me (or rather dark spirits) that it won't kill me, that it'll just make me suffer and that I'll fail. I mustn't fail. I have to leave this existence. It's not livable anymore for me. It's gotten so bad that I'm using my oven to heat my apartment. I told the landlord that my radiators just don't come on long enough to keep it warm in here. It was 65 degrees in my apartment the other day and he didn't care. I can't live like this anymore. I can't endure the whole winter likes this, so for me it's very soon that I die. I'm ready.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least to me a painful dying process would be nothing compared to the pain this existence continues to bring. But it's understandable still having fears. As humans we do deserve the option of being euthanatised, none of us should ever have to worry about the possibility of suffering in our last moments, having that peaceful exit would prevent that unnecessary struggle. But after all SN is a reliable method and so many have succeeded with it. I wish you the best.