Scared of drinking SN - am I the only one?

[Istanbulite]

Sodium nitrite - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

Well you kind of should be....look at the state of him (page 2)

 

[Istanbulite]

https://comum.rcaap.pt/bitstream/10400.26/34138/1/9.1.143%20A%20fatal%20case%20by%20a%20suicide%20kit%20containing%20sodium%20nitrite%20ordered%20on%20the%20internet%20%282%29%20%281%29.pdf

ups, sorry, the link is this one

 

[Itsbeenalongtime]

I am scared of SN in the case thar it may not work, I may struggle to drink it, throw up, or be found too early. Then that I could be left with long term issues from prolonged lack of oxygen. Esp since I probably can't get hold of meto, it will just be thoughts and prayers for me

 

[Ethereal Knight]

Why has CO moved out of favor?

good question.
for me personally, I can't use CO because I don't really know how to activate charcoal in a way that I can be certain that it won't turn off later. I made some barbecues with friends and it always turns off by itself randomly.
also, the smell warns nearby people, therefore the chances of being found, rescued and permanently brain-injured can be greater than SN.

Ultimately everyone's individual biochemistry will respond to things differently.

What some people might describe as "unbearable," others might be able to easily shrug off. In the same way all of the reasons that bring someone to this site are personal in the pain they give to the individual.

Not to mention, most people when they are attempting are going to be in a heightened state of emotions or anxiety, which will amplify every little discomfort and SI can bring about a state of uncertainty or regret toward your decision in the moment. Those who report back on the effects are naturally only the ones who failed for one reason or another. (There have been cases of third parties who witnessed someone CTB by SN report on their subjective judgement of whether they felt it was painful or not, but they were not the ones who took SN.) Those who were not so bothered by the effects would be less likely to ask for help (assuming they were not interrupted against their will and that they were able to take the entire amount) And there is also the consideration of following the SN regime in its entirety, which will also help it be more peaceful, that fewer people choose to do.

Based on what I have seen, I consider it to be a peaceful method in comparison to the alternatives, though others have come to a different conclusion.

I feel many users make a mistake in trying to hold every method to an near unattainable gold standard of being 100% peaceful, with 0 discomfort, 0 permanent or even temporary damage if failed, on top of being easy to access and prepare for. Pretty much nothing will check all of those boxes, not even N (being that the price and limited vendors are primary barriers to that method).

I think if someone is too scared of a method itself, SI will undoubtedly impede them even more and make the experience more painful, psychologically or otherwise, then it should be. In that case, one should either find some way to assuage their fears, or find another method.

I am willing to experience the effects that I have seen most commonly in SN CTB. Others might not be. That's a choice you have to make. Just ensure you can gather as much factual information as you can.

excelent words.

I feel like people "romanticize" the last moments, almost as if these last moments are somehow going to dictate how they spend their "eternity". I think it has to do with the unconscious mind. a religious monk in my country said that "if you think good things during the moments of your death, your next reincarnation may be better, in a better place, with better people", and the opposite is also true, he said, "if you have bad thoughts during your last moments, then your next reincarnation may be worse, with bad people, in a bad place." - this kind of thinking is very common, although completely irrational. of course people can believe whatever they want to believe, but let's admit that this is irrational. your last moments are when you are walking the bridge. after you die, it's when you cross the bridge. then it's a whole other place. regardless of what's there, it's something completely new. something completely different from anything that was before in your life.
let's make it clear: those final moments are not how you're gonna spend eternity, okay? now relax.

even if they were, we just can't make these moments perfect.
some have tried, like CTBing in a clinic, with their loved one hugging them and kissing their forehead saying "I love you, it will be okay, I love you so much", while a guy on suit plays violin and a bald priest says for sure with hundred-percent certainty that you are going to Heaven...

now, considering that some of us don't have a loved one, a partner, or any friend whatsoever, are broke, with no money, living with chronic mental health problems, haven't had sex in years, haven't hugged anyone in a decade, dealing with physical pain everyday, gaining weight and having our physical health deteriorating, haven't had a feeling of meaning or purpose in life in a long time, then how can we expect that these last moments are going to feel great? it will suck. these lasts moments are going to feel terrible, because we know we haven't found or completed our purpose, we know we are alone and this end is nothing alike what we've dreamed about - it's certainly not what we planned or wanted...
I speak for myself, at least.

then do we really think that the last moments are gonna be pretty, beautiful, peaceful, enjoyable?
no, this is not the end we planned. it sucks, it's hard to believe that it has to be like this, and hope refuses to die, we all want to believe in the deepest depths of our cousciousness that we're going to find love, live a beautiful life... but many of us won't. and if we really decide to CTB, it's gonna be ugly, painful and devoid of meaning. there's no other way.

if you still want to feel lighter, forgive yourself and forgive everyone around you, before you go. there's still time.

sorry for the TL:DR. but please stop romanticizing the last moments. they are not how you're gonna spend "eternity". they're just a bridge. after the CTB is complete, you crossed the bridge and you're on a new level. everything will be different from anything it was before.

the past will eventually be erased - turned to ashes, dispersed and recycled through nature. including your loved ones, your pets, your house, everything...
there's no "I" or "we" or "you". everything is star dust, ageless athoms and unexplainable particles, and we forever will be,

don't think about meaning or purpose now, you struggle to answer because you're asking the wrong questions. change the questions and you'll see a new perspective.

 

[gecgecgec]

As for me, I have most of them sitting in my room until I get the balls to actually ingest them. I'm not really scared of drinking it, what I'm scared of is the next hour after drinking it as I'll probably be anxious as fuck, and to bear with that anxiousness for an hour before I pass out feels like torture. I've read here that propanolol/benzos help with anxiety but it's difficult to purchase one without prescriptions.

 

[Blackrose23]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same boat. I even created the solution and everything and I'm still scared to drink it. You're not alone in feeling this way.

As for me, I have most of them sitting in my room until I get the balls to actually ingest them. I'm not really scared of drinking it, what I'm scared of is the next hour after drinking it as I'll probably be anxious as fuck, and to bear with that anxiousness for an hour before I pass out feels like torture. I've read here that propanolol/benzos help with anxiety but it's difficult to purchase one without prescriptions.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of! When I've attempted suicide in the past, I sit around for hours being nervous af. Plus I'm afriad the SI will kick in and I'll rescue myself. I really don't want to rescue myself.