Venting Scared I’ll never CTB.

[Anon1337]

I'm scared I'll be trapped here for decades until I die of old age. I wish I could get it over and done with. I don't want to be alive in 2025. I wish I CTB years ago. I'll probably be alive in five years wishing the same thing and another five years after that and so on. Life is a nightmare.

 

[Worndown]

If things get bad enough, you will have that extra motivation. Kinda how it goes. More need based than desires.

 

[Hystearical]

Me too. Deathly afraid. Too bad not literally.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I have the same fear, the thought of suffering for that long terrifies me, under no circumstances would I wish for the hell that is old age, it disturbs me how humans can potentially exist for so long, I'd always prefer the peace of an dreamless, eternal sleep. I wish suicide is straightforward, to be able to just die painlessly would be such a relief for me. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm scared I'll be trapped here for decades until I die of old age. I wish I could get it over and done with. I don't want to be alive in 2025. I wish I CTB years ago. I'll probably be alive in five years wishing the same thing and another five years after that and so on. Life is a nightmare.

I feel the same way and I'm beyond terrified.

Spoiler: if you care you can read this.

The best case and most likely scenario is that I'll ctb in 4 years but i'm so scared that sn may not be available by then. And sn is the only method I can realistically do. Everything else failed even fsh failed twice, sn failed (it was my fault), countless partial hanging attempts failed, i tried slitting, i tried jumping so many times, i tried to drown myself, i tried to od… i'm so so tired… my life is just getting worse and worse at such a fast rate i suffer unbearably every day.

 

[UKscotty]

The fact they say the last person to die of old age is already born, is even more messed up.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Is it mainly SI that's preventing you or other reasons?

 

[totheendofinfinity]

Me too. I feel so trapped. I convince myself I'll die tonight every day, unfortunately I wake up.

 

[fleetingnight]

Same. I've been scaring myself with the thought that I'll never get the courage to do it. I've never been a courageous person