kilowatt
Odour of Torture
- Sep 9, 2023
- 381
Not quite a vent, but just a thought that's been passing my mind lately.
If my soul is still present in any form after I die, enough to find out what others reactions' were, I'm gonna be the happiest I've ever been (not quite, I won't be, because I won't be alive ahah). But seriously, the thought of people missing me just gives me so much more motivation and faith. The immense satisfaction I feel thinking of my loved ones finally showing a bit of emotion towards me, griefing or crying out of pure emotion, brings me so much joy. It's not that I want others to suffer over my death, in a way it just makes me happy I'll be much more loved and remembered when I'm gone. It's true, I don't have many people to miss me, but just a few is more than enough for me. I don't know who's gonna miss me besides my girlfriend, but I'm really hoping my family won't make it all about themselves and actually give a shit when I'm gone. I'm aware this is similar to attention seeking, but if this is the price of attention, then I'll gladly pay it. Eventually I'll be forgotten too, like every other unalive. I only wish to struck a little shock, to be the main topic of discussion for at least one day, to make the ones who've wronged me refrain from their daily ruthless interactions, to make them question my reasoning. It's like a fantasy. To be honest this is just a tipsy thought right now, but it's always in the back of my mind. I've always cared too much about what others do and say, especially when it involved me, so, this time, I want others to care about what I do and say too. Just a moment of attention would be fulfilling enough. Oh, I simply cannot wait. I would do it sooner if I had no more important business to get done with, but there's still a few bits I need to put in place. I'm gonna be gone on the 30th of this month. So soon.
If my soul is still present in any form after I die, enough to find out what others reactions' were, I'm gonna be the happiest I've ever been (not quite, I won't be, because I won't be alive ahah). But seriously, the thought of people missing me just gives me so much more motivation and faith. The immense satisfaction I feel thinking of my loved ones finally showing a bit of emotion towards me, griefing or crying out of pure emotion, brings me so much joy. It's not that I want others to suffer over my death, in a way it just makes me happy I'll be much more loved and remembered when I'm gone. It's true, I don't have many people to miss me, but just a few is more than enough for me. I don't know who's gonna miss me besides my girlfriend, but I'm really hoping my family won't make it all about themselves and actually give a shit when I'm gone. I'm aware this is similar to attention seeking, but if this is the price of attention, then I'll gladly pay it. Eventually I'll be forgotten too, like every other unalive. I only wish to struck a little shock, to be the main topic of discussion for at least one day, to make the ones who've wronged me refrain from their daily ruthless interactions, to make them question my reasoning. It's like a fantasy. To be honest this is just a tipsy thought right now, but it's always in the back of my mind. I've always cared too much about what others do and say, especially when it involved me, so, this time, I want others to care about what I do and say too. Just a moment of attention would be fulfilling enough. Oh, I simply cannot wait. I would do it sooner if I had no more important business to get done with, but there's still a few bits I need to put in place. I'm gonna be gone on the 30th of this month. So soon.
